I know that your labor and birth and circumstances were probably different, but I wanted to share my experience. I felt that way after my first birth, which was an induction for a big baby at 42 weeks that ended up in a c-section after I pushed for 1.5 hours. I checked in for my induction at 8am on a Saturday and he was born at 8:12 am on a Sunday, talk about a time clock! My baby was so far down that my husband actually got to touch his hair, but the dr. didn't want to keep going because she was so worried about how big he would be and kept saying he would get stuck and have damage. I also had a nurse that I felt really violated me during the whole pushing phase. At that point I was so over it and would have agreed to having my legs cut off to get the baby out. I was really sad about it afterwards, because a c-section was the last thing I wanted. I worried for years about having another big baby, wondering why I just couldn't get him out, wondering what was so wrong with me when everyone around me was having these super easy births, or worse, choosing elective c-sections.
Honestly, it took me until I was about eight months pregnant this time (four years after my last birth) to realize that it wasn't me or my body that failed, that it was just a really bad environment for me to be birthing in and that there were so many factors stacked against me, and I had no way of knowing that. I mean, even when you read a ton about birth and how it's supposed to happen, you don't really get how, I don't want to say manipulative or coercive, but something along those lines, people and institutions can be. I had to go through a lot to get over my feelings about the way my son was born, and I really hope it isn't as long of a healing process for you . And I hated it when other people would tell me "next time it will go better, next time will be easier and you'll have a vbac" because I didn't want any more babies after my first and I hated the thought that I wouldn't be healed until I had another baby. I wanted a redo, not another baby - the unknown that that brings terrified me.
I felt like I had to work so hard emotionally for this birth, and struggled a lot with provider issues since HBAC isn't a widely approved of option in my state and I work in the birth community, so everyone was always in my business. When I had my baby this time, I think it really helped solidify my realization that it wasn't me, it was the situation I was in with my first baby that led to the c-section. I birthed my newest son after a short labor, no vaginal exams, and letting my body push on it's own (except for when I had to get the second shoulder out). This baby was just an ounce smaller than my first son who was born by c-section. And I guess afterwards I just felt like telling everyone "See, it wasn't me!" And really, I think I said that to a lot of people I know I said early that I hated hearing that a future birth would be healing, but I think a lot of going through all the BS I had to in order to get people to just leave me alone and let me birth my baby was the healing work, and the baby coming out was the icing on the cake, so to speak.
Sorry to ramble on and on, I just know how much it sucks when things turn out completely different than you had wanted and you're left to deal with the aftermath when a lot of other people don't really "get" it.