Playing Pretend

[SeattleRain]

Yesterday we had our 18 month appointment and our pediatrician suggested that start to encourage "pretend play" and mimicking. I think this is probably within normal for most toddlers, but my son also has a speech delay and mimicking is a big part of learning to speak so maybe that's part of it. In any case, my son really doesn't do any mimicking or pretend play, so I'd like to start working on that.

Her suggestion was to look into a pretend phone or a baby doll with a bottle or pretend tools. I like the idea of a baby doll, because I think they teach kids a degree of empathy, and at very least he'll maybe understand what it means to be "gentle" with babies. There's one problem though: this bottle business. I really don't care that it's a bottle and not breastfeeding, but I just don't think he has much of a context for babies and bottles because he doesn't see it regularly. He was bottlefed, so maybe he'd have a context in that regard (will he remember?) but none of the babies that he sees are bottlefed. He also doesn't really have a context for nursing really because he wasn't breastfed, and the moms that I hang out with mostly breastfeed under a cover. I would feel a little odd having Daniel wear a cover and slip the baby under to nurse.

I feel like whatever I get him he has to have some context for. I don't think he ever sees my husband using tools, so how could he mimic that, right? He does see me on the phone or on the computer, so maybe those would work. Anyone have any ideas? Any dolls in particular that are good for this kind of play?

[Blessed1]

same thing here in regards to babe never seeing a baby being fed with a bottle...but it didn't seem to stop my little one from following my lead.  you can also try getting your little one to feed the baby some of his snacks.  my 18month loves feeding her babies her fruits and pretzels..lol  

[crunchy_mommy]

LOL I think you are overthinking it & underestimating his abilities. They notice more than we realize!

When DS was a year old, someone gave him a tool set. At that point he had never seen anyone do construction/woodwork/etc. -- we were doing work on the house but never in his presence for safety reasons. Anyway, we got home with the toy tools and he picked up the screwdriver and looked for all the screws in the house & pretended to unscrew them. I still don't know how he learned the function of a screwdriver!! Since then, we have exposed him to a lot more of this kind of thing & by far his favorite pretend activity is 'working on the house'!

So your DS has probably noticed babies eating more than you think. But even if he hasn't, he HAS seen other babies, and he has been a baby himself. So he might not end up feeding the baby -- maybe he'll tie it onto his back & "wear" it, or maybe he'll rock it to sleep, or maybe he'll yell at it to STOP THROWING THINGS. My DS has an imaginary baby (he has a real toy one too but his imaginary one is apparently better!) and I've never seen him feed it, or talk about feeding it. He plays with it, gets mad if we put him in the car seat because "NOOOO my baby is sitting there!! I don't want to crush her!!!", blames the baby for things he's done wrong, etc. He seems to have developed a rich life with this imaginary baby and there is no feeding involved.

They find their own way. You don't need one particular toy (though I don't think you could go wrong with any of those options). When DS doesn't have pretend pieces of plywood for his 'construction', he'll pick up his stethoscope and pretend it's wood lol. His imaginary baby wears imaginary clothes. His hand makes a great 'phone' and so does any small squarish object, though he also loves playing with our old cell phones too. You can't mess this up, the important part is the play itself, not which toys they use for it.

[ErinYay]

Bring him into the kitchen while you clean up, and give him his own wet sponge to use.

Get an extra toothbrush for him to play with when you hang out in the bathroom.

When/if you shower together, have him wash your legs and feet.

Get a little dustpan and brush at the dollar store for him to help sweep.

At 18 months, you're looking for a kiddo to use actual objects in the manner in which they're intended. It's way too early for pretending a block is a phone or feeding a doll, soothing the doll, then putting the doll to sleep. Miniature representational play comes later than full-sized mimic play.

[andromedajulie]

with the doll, he can wear it, rock it, sing or 'read' to it, put it to sleep. my 18 mo old puts the lego people on the green lego mat and says 'ni-night'. she holds her wrist up to her ear and says 'uh?' in the tone of me answering the phone. she bangs pots in her little kitchen (in the actual kitchen) and has started saying 'cook'. she sometimes takes a rag or napkin and 'cleans' my legs or the floor. it doesn't have to be super involved to still be imitation play! i think at this age it's minimal, that's okay.

[Spring Lily]

The bottle thing really hasn't come up at our house. There are so many other things to do with baby dolls. I'd chose a doll that is a good size for him right now. Instead of a 16" doll, maybe one that is more like 9" or something. I got my son a doll with gender neutral clothing, which became important because at 3 he still plays with his doll but tells me it's a BOY because it's not pink. We've never labelled colors or clothes as "boy or girl" things, but that idea still seeps in there from outside influences.

I found that a receiving blanket, folded in half diagonally and knotted, makes a great doll sling for toddlers. Receiving blankets are also great for becoming doll blankets or for spreading out a picnic blanket. A basket with a handle becomes a great baby bed and car seat.

Some other great pretend items to consider getting:

1) a doll stroller. My kids love to put their babies in a stroller and push them around the house. I'll ask them where they are going and even when they were little they were able to make up things, like they'd say "Grandma!" And I'd help them fill the story in. "Oh, so you're taking your baby to go visit Grandma? Are you going to drive the car there?" And then if they wanted, we'd put a couple little chairs together and they'd put the baby in one and sit in the other and "drive" to Grandma's. Or we'd take a walk with the stroller and we could stop and point things out to the baby or find cool stuff (like pinecones or rocks) and show them to the baby.

2) a play kitchen. This has always been a big hit at our house. My kids *love* cooking play food. They get so into it, and will make big meals for their babies and set up large picnics for them, etc etc.

3) dress up clothes. We often purchase these at the thrift store because you can find such cheap stuff there. It doesn't have to be a specific costume, either. Fancy or shiny clothes are great, big galoshes, silk scarves are wonderful (they can be so many different things), capes are really fun (especially for boys when they're preschool age). We like to pick up ice skating and dance costumes from the thrift store, because there are some fun skirts and things. My DS likes all of that stuff, too, and dress-up dresses. You can also get a few fun hats for him. My DS has cowboy hats, firefighter hats, a hardhat, and a knight's helmet.


The thing is, once you unleash their creativity, they don't really need a context for any toys, because all of them can become something else. My son will wear his galoshes and knight helmet and be a "superhero." Or he'll cook me some food, which is really just a bowl filled with lego pieces. Red legos are strawberries, don't you know. Or my DD has a sparkly skirt but she prefers to wears around her shoulders like a poncho. DS has tools, and he did figure out how to use most of them. Some he didn't know, so we showed him and he picked up the idea right away.

So don't feel limited by what your DS already knows, let him unleash that creativity inside and create his *own* context and uses for the toys.

[SunRise]

My daughter likes to wrap a blanket around her "dolls" (her dolls are stuffed animals that my son had). She is 22 months and just started doing this in the past month. I think it coincides with her babysitter having a newborn and she sees how this newborn is cared for.  Anyhow, instead of feeding, wrapping baby to sleep. She also likes to bathe the doll in the sink and sit it on the toilet and ...

Other ideas

AT 18 months and younger - she LOVED talking on the phone. Anything that resembled a phone (carrot, wooden block, piece of paper), she held to her ear and had a conversation. (Funny thing, I rarely speak on the phone and I dont even own a cell , so not sure who she was mimicking!)

And somewhere in between 18mths and now - she mimicked me in the kitchen. When I was preparing something she started to prepare stuff - she had access to dog food and water bowl.

Sitting on floor and flipping through books or magazines.

Mimicking can be in other forms ... when I walk backwards to watch her, she turns around and walks backwards too; or if I crouch to be eye level, she crouches too.

Edited by SunRise - 1/12/12 at 12:26pm

[Adaline'sMama]

We have a play kitchen and felt food that DD is always pretending to eat. She pretends to eat and drink from empty bowls and cups. When we read books, if there is food in the book (like a picture of peas) we will pretend to take them off the page and eat them. I dont think it really has to be any one specific thing, its just the idea of pretending happening throughout the day.

[hildare]

my mother gave dd some sort of monkey with a bottle, and dd loved it.  she drank milk from bottles during the day that i'd pumped, and she was really excited when i told her i put 'boobiejuice' in the bottles for her to drink.  however she was still giving dolls bottles even before i'd thought to tell her this! 

also, she pretends to take our temperature / the dolls too and i don't think i've ever put a thermometer under her tongue, i thought she was too little, and to my knowledge she has never seen a video (we don't have tv only occasional youtube) of anyone doing that, so she either observed one of us doing it (infrequent) or my MIL somehow played a scenario like that with her, but she's only seen it a few times if ever and incorporated that into her play. 

so my point is, i wouldn't stress over bottle/no bottle.  it's fine and it really seems like something all kids do on their own whether they had them or not.

get a phone!  that's fun.  the kitchen stuff is pretty fun, too. 

and you can always just be playful by example, like a bananaphone for instance (or... maybe not with his age, i now envision banana encrusted hair) or pretending to sip something or make soup in an empty bowl, etc.  it doesn't have to be an object specifically intended to be an object for pretend play.

dd has some old cabbage patch dolls that she plays with mostly- i like them b/c they're not super expensive and easy to buy and have a variety of skin tones, etc. 

[KathrynH]

We have a 16 month old. He has a play phone, but he's never put it to his ear. He does, however, find pushing the buttons highly entertaining. I don't really think it is the most valuable play (although I guess it is good for fine motor skills), so it's often saved for longer car rides. Here are some things that we do for pretend play...

1. I bought a $12 doll from Target that can go in the bathtub (easy cleanup!). The other night we used one of DS's spoons to feed the baby real oatmeal. Then we had to wash the baby with one of DS's washcloths. We've read the baby books, taken her on a ride in the wagon, let her go down the slide, and used an old toothbrush to brush her teeth. 

2. Whenever I'm cooking, I'll pull out a couple of pots, a large slotted spoon, etc. I'm not sure if DS is "pretending" or just banging things together, but he has a blast!

3. DS loves books. When we're driving around we'll often give him a board book to "read."

DS has had many ear infections and is also a little behind in speech development, so we work on mimicking a lot. If I'm wiping the table, I'll give him a rag too (he loves to "clean up"). Every night when we take off his clothes for his bath we work with him on putting them in the hamper. We also walk around the house in the morning/night turning on/off lights. The entire time we're doing this I'll narrate (e.g., "Can you turn off the light? Yes! Now the light is off!"). I'm not sure how much it's helping, but he does seem to be picking up on a few things.

[KellyandBean]

I don't think it is unusual that he isn't doing a lot of pretend play yet. It will start soon though. My DD seemed to have started doing a lot of pretend play just after 18 months and is now full on into it at 22 months.

Not all baby dolls come with a bottle. My DD's doll is a bath tub doll (bought at Target) that came with tub toys and a hooded towel. Besides you could always just toss the bottle that came with the baby doll and have him pretend to feed the baby with one of his spoons or a sippy cup. I love other's suggestions. What about Little People sets? my daughter LOVES her new doll house and has the people pretend to go potty and even makes peeing sounds LOL. It has a doorbell on it and i have her teddy bears come and hit the button and she has her dolls open the door and say hi. What about a little broom set so he can mimic cleaning when you are sweeping? A toy vacuum cleaner? Or hand him a rag when you are dusting and show him how to do it. He will catch on eventually. And a lot of it is about you showing him how to pretend. Eventually he will realize you are playing a game with him when you pretend to call him on a fake phone etc and some day he will suprise you by doing something creative and clever on his own.

[JudiAU]

A dolly or a stuffed animal or finger puppets are all good choices or little animal like "schliech" , "cutting food", cash register, play food, tools,

[SilverMoonMama]

i think some easy ways to start a little one off with pretend play are having someone like gramma or auntie or daddy ect talk to them just like hi and such over your cell phone and they give them a fake one, they seem to catch on to that pretty quick  ^_^  also pretending to feed things like stuffed animals or dolls its a simpleone to start with, like mommy takes an imaginary spoonful mmmmmm, then pretend to feed little one, then pretend to too feed toy friend "teddy looks hungry too" that might be one thats easier to pick up on fast since eating is somthing thats part of everyday 

[LaughingHyena]

We found some of the bags of dolls accessories had sippy cups in them so I bough those bags and threw away the bottles. The kids used the shampoo bottle to feed the dolls :lol I think they were from toys r us. The do feed them from the cups and also pretend to spoon feed them.

aha found it http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2307593

The dolls potty which got a lot of use in our potty training phase, fortunatly by the doll!

A box and small blanket to tuck dolly into bed (this was one of the first things DD used to do with her doll). So cute to hear her sing lulabys to it.

We also got a lot of use from some toy dishes, pretending to cook, eat, have picnics etc. We bough them when DD was about a year old and they are still played with now the kids are 7 & 5, it's a collection we've added a lot too over the years.

[ThreeTwoFive]

Originally Posted by SeattleRain 

He also doesn't really have a context for nursing really because he wasn't breastfed, and the moms that I hang out with mostly breastfeed under a cover. I would feel a little odd having Daniel wear a cover and slip the baby under to nurse.

My DS goes to a very crunchy daycare with a lot of girls in his class.  He puts a doll up his shirt just like the rest of them to nurse his baby.  You might want to be prepared for that.  I think it's super sweet.

18 months is definitely early for imaginative play.  It develops on its own, a bit closer to 2 years old.  Just keep interacting with him, and have fun!  

We have a kitchen set, dolls, cars, farm animals, safari animals, trains, and duplos in heavy use at 27 months.

[Rlin]

DS has nursed his dolls as well (and I have nursed toy cars when they were hungry, lol). I cannot remember when he started pretend play (he's 3,5y now) but we played with him, showing him how to do it and he copied us.

[Quinalla]

Some pretend play my daughter does:

• Putting her baby dolls, stuffed animals, her parents and anything really to bed, she usually puts the object or person face down, covers the object or person with a blanket or 4 and then pats/rubs their "back" while saying "Nigh, nigh" and "Lay down" This is mostly mimicked from the way they put them down for naps at her daycare.
• She likes to "pretend eat" either by herself or with others, this consists of her pretending to eat or drink and/or pretending to feed others, sometimes with props (tea set, empty cups/bowls/spoons, random toys turned into cups/bowls/utensils, etc.)
• Pretending to talk on the phone using play phones, old phones that don't work that we have given her, any item that slightly resembles a phone
• Pretending to type on old keyboards (cord cut off) or an old laptop that doesn't work anymore
• Pretending to clean with clothes, the swiffer, toy vacuums, etc.
• Pretending to cook/bake using various things
• Pretending to fold clothes/towels
• Pretending to drive using her big car toys she can ride on and also with anything shaped like a steering wheel

So props can help out for sure, but you often don't have to get anything special if you don't want to, It's amazing how much they really are watching/listening. And regarding bottle in particular, I personally am not bothered by bottles since plenty of babies are fed with bottles and my own was fed lots of pumped breastmilk and some formula too at the start until she got good at getting what she needed from me, but there is tons of other play you can encourage if bottles make you uncomfortable.

[dancingflower]

We got DS a doll stroller.

We showed him once that panda/doll/any other figure should be pushed in there.

From his obsession with wheels and pushing, we got him to mimic some caring behavior.

In terms of context, even if you just wear him. Strollers are everywhere, he can relate.

[dancingflower]

I agree with three two five, that 18 can be early for imaginative play.

But I think it's great timing for many of these toys. He will grow into them.

Pots and pans (real ones), I can tell was the earliest pretend play I noticed DS doing (what else could that be?) Then the first vocal pretend play was phone, which was not before 19 mo. Appart from phone playing, DS only started doing verbal pretend play at around 22mo. And his language development is on the fast side. 

With that, I say your DS may take a while to express verbal pretend play and it won't mean he is not having a full creative experience so all these suggestions are great. 

[SeattleRain]

So we bought Daniel a "newborn" Cabbage Patch doll which has been great! A great option if you're looking for something that is a little more on the gender neutral side. Anyways, I've seen so much progress in his mimicking skills since we got the doll. He kisses the doll and rocks the doll and snuggles him/her/it to him... and then chucks it over the baby gate, lol. So far we've been putting a bib on the doll and giving the doll his sippy cups. I realized after reading this that I just wanted to skip the whole bottle/nursing thing altogether because it didn't really matter. I'm not pregnant, and I'm not buying the doll to demonstrate "proper use" of babies so it doesn't really matter that our newborn drinks from a straw.

Another toy we've bought is Potsy: http://www.amazon.com/LeapFrog-Cook-and-Play-Potsy/dp/B0038APAZO This is probably my most favorite toy of all time. Daniel throws the food in and it says things about each food, and when you put the lid on it says "ON!" and when you take it off it says "OFF!" and Daniel has now started to respond to those words when I use them at other times. He uses his Potsy to feed me food, stir things up, and "eat" off his spoon. It's been awesome!

Thanks for all the great suggestions! I'm trying to follow up on all of them.