Me or DH: "DS, please get dressed so we can go to XYZ [somewhere he loves!]"
DS: "I can't." or "I'm busy right now." or he just outright ignores us.
...20 minutes and a couple of reminders later...
Us: "DS, this is your last chance to get dressed on your own, if you can't do that then we'll have to do it for you."
DS: ignores us or screams and runs away
Us: scoops him up and dresses him... sometimes he cooperates and other times screams and tries to run away, especially if DH is doing the dressing...
It's like this for so many things. I know he CAN be cooperative & compliant & prompt when he wants to be... but he often doesn't want to be, especially if we're at home or if DH is in charge. So how do you enforce it? Staying home because he didn't get dressed is not an option. Going out naked it not an option, nor is getting dressed upon arrival because it's below freezing, too cold to ride in the car naked! So I don't know what an appropriate consequence would be. I don't like that the 'consequence' thus far has been us physically (though gently, of course!) making him do it.
It's not just getting dressed... Other things like taking the house apart (he pulls trim off the door frame, things like that) or purposely spilling his drink or spitting on people or things and lots of other things...
I lean more toward redirecting the impulse or using natural (or at least logical) consequences. Redirecting doesn't always work well for him though... Like if he's hammering the wall, he doesn't want to hammer just a piece of wood instead -- he wants to do 'real' things, the way he sees us do things, and in his mind he's helping. Natural consequences don't seem to discourage the behaviors... so if he throws his drink on the floor, the natural consequence is that he no longer has anything to drink, right? But obviously he can just go to the faucet and refill his cup, so it doesn't work. Or if he throws his toothbrush in the toilet, the natural consequence is he can't brush his teeth -- and he hates brushing his teeth, so that's a reward to him. I struggle with coming up with logical consequences. If he hits me, he isn't allowed to sit/climb on me for a few minutes, and if he's using an item inappropriately, the item gets taken away... but often those things don't solve the problem, he'll just start using a different item to do the same thing.
Sorry this is so long-winded... the bottom line is, how do you come up with consequences or something that resembles consistent discipline?? We do not want to do time-outs because I don't agree with them philosophically, plus he is still very traumatized by separation from us, it would be a disaster... so I guess I need something that replaces the kind of universal function of a time-out?