I have four kids. Ages 5,3,almost 2 and almost 1. I work part time (25 hours a week, four days a week). I'm well payed and I earn our only income. We are getting by - kind of - on what I make. When I get home I am beyond frustrated and angry. My husband watches our two youngest and the older two go to a close by Montessori. The past few nights I have been yelling at the top of my lungs. Trying to get everyone fed, bathed, jammi-ed, teeth brushed, read to and so forth is utterly overwhelming. For instance, I try to sit and read to one while the others are brushing teeth but then the baby starts to cry. And when I respond to the baby (who really needs me!) the others get jealous. I simply cannot win. I can't be 4 moms. I'm only one person. The mornings are not much better.
When I get home, I want to unwind. My husband sees me walk through the door and hands over ALL responsibility to me instantly. It isn't fair. I stayed home for two years. I was frustrated with that situation too. My house is a complete disaster. Dishes are piled high and there are toys everywhere. My house lacks order and it makes simple things complicated to accomplish. It is not a pleasant environment to walk into. I would like to hire someone to help me clean the house. My biggest gripe is the housework. I am not liking the angry person I become at home. I'm so patient in every other arena of my life! I am exhausted. Sometimes my mom comes over on the weekend and we spend all day cleaning. When the house is clean and the floors are shiny my mood is much better. Why am I so obsessed with the clean house thing?
My kids are wonderful and dear to me. But I am starting to dread coming home. My three year old has constant tantrums. She is orderly and flips if things are not done in a certain way. My two year old gets "into" everything and needs vigilant supervision. He is a sweetheart, but has a love of mischief. The five year old is intelligent and fun and would spend all day in front of a screen if he could. We argue over that quite a bit. And my sweet little baby tends to get sick a lot and is very underweight. She needs special attention from me. I have thought about splitting up with my husband. But I do love him. I think a split would be so hard on all of us. There's a lot of love in our house too. The rote daily demands are just wearing us down. He feels it too. I don't know where to even start. siggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......................... thank you for letting me vent.