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Mothering › Groups › July 2012 Birth Club › Discussions › Are you planning for this to be your last baby?

Are you planning for this to be your last baby?

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 

Not including any future surprises, how many ladies here are planning for this to be your last baby? I feel like I've heard it come up a bit and wanted to start a thread for it since I feel like there are a lot of feelings that come with it.


We are planning for this to be our third and final child. It makes me excited and disappointed at the same time. I'm kind of happy to know that we'll finally start to clear out everything I've been saving through both kids and will be able to clear out the clothes that we won't need for this baby when it's born and we find out the sex. And since we both work outside the house, it will be nice to be able to not have to plan for childcare all of the time - at least baby care - for that much longer.


But I'm disappointed not to have the excitement of getting pregnant again and looking forward to another new baby in our life. Part of it is because I've become an only child since my brother died as a teenager and my kids having each other will be the only family they really have when they get older. But the other part is how much I absolutely love my kids and feel like I just want to be surrounded by them.


I feel like my reasons for not having another kid seem very petty compared to the reasons for wanting another. However, with finite resources, it seems like the best decision and that three is our number.

post #2 of 19

This will be our 3rd child and I don't know that we are completely done. I think 3 or 4 was always my magic number so maybe after this baby we will plan on one more a few years down the road.


I can see that it is a very sad feeling knowing that you are done. I don't know that I could ever do anything finite like having my tubes tied or anything like that. And even if this turns out to be our last child I would always be interested in being a surrogate for a family member who is a great parent but was recently told that she cannot carry another child (she has 1 son and it was a VERY hard pregnancy to keep).

post #3 of 19
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by triple07 View Post


I can see that it is a very sad feeling knowing that you are done. I don't know that I could ever do anything finite like having my tubes tied or anything like that.

I don't think we'd ever do anything finite, either. But I've never conceived without some Rx assistance, so I doubt there are any accidents in our future.


post #4 of 19

This will be our third, too, and almost certainly our last. I find I don't feel too much disappointment about it at this stage--mostly, I'm just happy we're getting to do it, and am really trying hard to enjoy every part of this. We both have fairly demanding careers (in which having 3 kids is virtually unheard of) that we love, and two other kids who, frankly, are already a more-than-full-time responsibility, so I feel good about stopping at 3. Plus there's the financial aspect, which isn't insignificant for us--three is pushing it, so I think financially, emotionally, physically and logistically, 3 is probably our limit.


I didn't feel "done" before now and really knew I'd have to mourn the baby we didn't have, if we'd not gone for three, but I suspect I'll have that good feeling of being satisfied with 3 once this one arrives. We'll see, though...

post #5 of 19

This is our last "until grandbabies" as my husband puts it. He will be getting the big V sometime in baby's first year, we will be using other forms of birth control until then (uh... pull out and breastfeeding lol... maybe condoms but not likely.)


I don't really feel sad. I know we cant handle more than 4 (especially financially). Heck, not  sure how we're going to handle 4 but we will manage.

post #6 of 19

This will be our first baby and I am planning it to be our last, too.  But then, husband really loves this process so far.  I told him, he is welcome to give birth to any successive children that he may want in the future. 

post #7 of 19

This is our third and likely our last. DH is insistent that this is it. He would probably have preferred to stick with two but he knew how much I wanted another baby.


Not sure how I feel about it but I do think I'm making peace with it. It was a rough first few months so I think that is helping me deal with reality.

post #8 of 19

This is our 3rd and final too. I love the baby part but the toddler part takes a lot out of me. I will miss being pg and having babies but that is just something I will need to process as I go through it. DH would have been fine with 2 so I am really happy he agreed to have a 3rd. 


I am excited to move forward and start getting rid of stuff and for us to get out of the baby stage and start being able to do more as a family.


It does bring me to tears just thinking about it though. :(

post #9 of 19

Yeah this is probably our last, and I feel very sad about it. We're not planning anything permanent, but we probably need to talk about it more later. But I think this needs to be our last. :(

post #10 of 19

This is definitely our last. Haven't quite decided yet how we're going to ensure that, but it just isn't smart for my body to have more babies. We'd tried for years to get pregnant again with no luck and decided against medical help for the issue (had some issues with PCOS)- hadn't used any birth control for 11 years and so I think about 5 or 6 years ago I'd kind of dealt with the thought that I wouldn't be having anymore and went through the grieving process for it. At a point I think we just forgot pregnancy was even any kind of possibility- so this baby was an incredible surprise, and one of the happiest kinds but I'm also still okay with the thought of not having more. For some reason, that's made this pregnancy feel even more special. I'm trying to enjoy every moment and not get too anxious to skip to the next stages. 

post #11 of 19

We said we were "finished" with #3 when we had our oops blessing. After #4 we told EVERYONE we were done. Needless to say everyone was surprised to find out about #5 in the belly. I can officially say the hubs is going in for the big V once this baby is in our arms. Although we are finishing with an odd # I am satisfied that our family will be a lucky number of 7...

post #12 of 19

Third and last here. I joke that if I need a c-section, I'll have them tie my tubes while they're in there. If not, dh will be getting the snip.


Althiugh just the other day it hit me that this would be my last pg, my last baby. I'm not sure how I feel about that. My hands are so full as it is, but I know I will be so sad to know I will never have another baby.

post #13 of 19

I am pretty sure these twins will be our last children.  Given what we had to go through to get here and the fact that DH only wanted 2, but 3 tops, it is probably the end.  I am still grieving the whole process and loss of 2 "ideal"/single pregnancies to have 3 children total.  This pregnancy has been miserable so far with constant sickness and I am sure it will become extrememly uncomfortable towards the end.  My DD self weaned at 13 months and I told myself at the time it would be okay because I "knew" I would have the chance to have that bond again...now I am not so sure.  I just hope and pray that this twin pregnancy safely makes it to term and I can do my best to breastfeed these little ones.  I am sad this is the end and it had to come so quickly (instead of more spacing with one baby at a time), but I have to agree with DH, 3 is our limit finacially. 


Thanks for starting a thread to share these feelings.  I have been struggling to express why I am sad when I should be so happy.

post #14 of 19
I dont know. My dh thought our first was our last, I didn't know that whole pregnancy if I'd get another! When we decided to get pregnant this time, again the deal was that it was our last! I'm enjoying every minute of it. With our current careers I don't think we could balance another but I'm working on a career shift in the next few years to be my own boss, and then I think I could very easily argue for another! None of our friends in NYC have more than 1-2, but we are very lucky with our housing situation and could grow. For now though, this very well may be my last.

My bigger issue is mourning the loss of our relationship with our first! We're such a great tight knit group as the three of us.
post #15 of 19
Totally my last.. after # 1 we were totally sure we'd adopt any others.

We're in a very different place now and actually have the space in our lives for this 2nd child.. but 1) family history of early menopause (around age 38-40 on my mother's side) and 2) pregnancy is hard on me physically & having a baby will be very hard with my job. This 2nd will be pushing us to our limits. I am actually less sad about it than I was with the first when I thought over & over "This is the only time I will get to do this." Now, every day is kind of like, "Wow, I didn't think I'd be doing this again."

I don't enjoy the young baby stage, or at least didn't with my colicky first. So hoping for an "easy baby" this time.
post #16 of 19
Thread Starter 

I'm so glad to see that others are having similar feelings. As far as the relationship I have with my current kids, we were home together for MLK day yesterday and just seeing them play together made me excited for them to have another brother/sister. I know it will be a bit longer, this time, for them to have this kind of relationship since the age difference is a bit more. We have said that if our situation changed dramatically (financially/geographically) we would consider a fourth but I'm kind of excited to be finished with the pregnancy/nursing portion of my life. Though, I guess if change happened sooner than later, it would be more likely that we would try for another baby.

My kids are so silly about the baby. We don't and won't find out the sex before birth and they both go back and forth on what they "want" it to be. It's really cute for DS to to talk about having 2 sisters and DD wanting another brother. (Just b/c it's stereotypically not the case.)

post #17 of 19

LOL, we told everyone the third was definitely our LAST.  Nobody believed us :)


and here I am pregnant with the fourth.  I do think that it makes "sense" for us to stop after that. Financially, it's quite tight (but we are managing) and after staying at home for 10 plus years, I will want to get out there and start some sort of career (but what? lol)


So yea, fourth is it for us.

post #18 of 19

This is our 3rd and last biological child.  I don't feel sad about it though - I thought our 2nd was our last and did all my grieving then.  I didn't feel like we were done at two children, I felt like we were meant to have at least one more.  My husband though was very set on just two.  After 3ish years though, and lots of talking, he came around to trying for a 3rd since I felt so strongly about it. 


With this pregnancy, I feel very much like this is our last and we are done.  I feel like there is....closure, I guess, or some other word like that.  And my husband is very adamant about 3 being it.  So we're both settled and he's going to have the V done.


Fostering or adopting later on down the road once our 3 are older is always a possibility though.

post #19 of 19

Given that we were done having children after #3, and were REALLY REALLY REALLY done after #4, this is definitely our last. DH is going to get snipped. :)

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