I just need to vent to some people that might understand, because I have nobody to talk to about this.
I have had a wonderful breastfeeding relationship with my almost 16 mo old DD, and I am sad that it seems to be coming to an end. I am just over 5 weeks pregnant, and despite the fact that I am eating and drinking a TON, and despite having her at the breast a LOT, my supply is tanking. My breasts feel deflated all the time, and there are some nursing sessions that I can tell she is only getting a few drops here and there. Even though I was expecting this, I didn't think we would have to wean so soon (I was hoping to nurse her throughout the pregnancy and possibly even tandem nurse). I am finding myself really sad and depressed about it. Last night she wouldn't fall asleep because she was hungry. She is so used to filling her belly up with milk before bed, and I don't think she was able to get much of anything out of me. I kept offering her whole milk (bottles, cups), but she kept asking for 'boob' -- it just broke my heart because the only thing I wanted to do was let her nurse until she was drunk and dreamy, but I physically couldn't.
While I am so thankful to be pregnant with another baby, it is hard to be letting go of my current baby.......hopefully that makes sense. I hate that it feels forced (for both of us) to wean before we feel ready. Or maybe I would never feel ready, I don't know. I don't regret getting pregnant, I just wasn't expecting to feel so sad about weaning. But now that it is happening, I am feeling all sorts of emotions that I can't even get a handle on.......when I picture where our family is headed with another child, I am thrilled and excited one minute, and sad and depressed about what we are leaving behind the next minute (I am not just referring to the breastfeeding relationship, either). I know it will all be worth it, I just feel so sad that my baby can't be a baby for just a little longer. And part of me feels so anxious about the next baby, worried that BFing won't be as easy, or he/she won't like to nurse as much, or something will go wrong. I am just hoping that the next breastfeeding relationship will be just as wonderful, and maybe my DD will even remember how to nurse when the baby comes. For now I will keep offering her the breast for comfort, but I don't know how long she will be interested. It is extra stressful for me because she is choosing to starve herself and "hold off" for breast milk, even though I can't come through with enough supply. So now she is sleeping poorly from being chronically hungry, but still refusing whole milk (or any other beverage besides juice, for that matter). My husband thinks I should cut her off from the breast completely so she knows there is no other choice, but I don't have the heart to do that.
I am sorry for all the rambling.
Even if nobody else can relate, thank you for letting me vent here!
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