introducing myself and hoping for help

[newandsadmom]

I'm really glad I found this and really hope I can find people to talk to. Here's my story.

After a long hard pregnancy and 3 weeks in the hospital, I have a beautiful 2mo old girl. I hoped my depression would go away but it hasn't so I'm seeking help. All I do is cry and I do is cry and feel like I'm taking care of a random baby and not my own. I love her so much but feel so bad that I'm like this. Everyday I have a breakdown and its causing problems with my guy and I. He doesmt understand that its a real problem and that I'm not just being dramatic. I'm so scared that this will push him away and thst will be the end of me. I just want control of my life and to be happy again. I'm 21 so none of my friends have kids, I don't want my mom to worry, and he doesn't understand. What do I do?

[vtechmom]

I'm so sorry you are going through this mama.  I found help by calling my state coordinator from Postpartum International, I found the number on their web page http://www.postpartum.net/.  My husband also googled "county name emergency psychiatric services" and found a hotline that was a big help.  You can also call your OB or Midwife.  

There's help out there for you.  If I can do anything else just ask.  It's a horrible place to be but there's a way out.

[SunnieP]

I agree that when you can't snap out of it you need to get some help-for yourself and your family.  Those hormones are actually following the pathways that your happy-neurotransmitters usually occupy.  You can't control it anymore than you can control your pulse.  So get some help-don't be afraid to get some help.  Be afraid NOT TO.    The hotline mentioned above sounds like a good start or if you have benefits the mental health number on the back of your card.

[OrangeMoon]

Hugs Mama, echoing the advice above. Maybe some therapy to talk through some things that are bothering you would be good too? Feeling like no one understands or sympathizes with what you are going through is a horrible feeling. I'm also curious if during the three week hospital stay you were separated from your baby a lot? I've talked to a lot of people who have said situations like that made bonding with their baby much more difficult for them (not impossible though! :-). Babywearing (wraps - thebabywearer.com), and cosleeping really help me with bonding. Don't forget that you are new to each other though and it is totally understandable to feel like you should be more connected right off the bat than you are. Anyway, good luck and I hope you feel back to your normal, happy self soon <3

[TSomm]

I was there and tried everything.  What helped me greatly was anti-depressants from the dr.

[McGucks]

Hi there and congratulations on your new motherhood!

What you are experiencing sounds terrible and I am so sorry for your pain.  Please know, however, that none of these feelings mean you are a bad mom...PPD can knock the props out from under anyone.

I was 39 when I had my second child and my world was rocked by PPD.  Being younger can be a plus in that your body might heal more quickly and that sort of thing, but being younger might also make things harder in that you might not have a support system (though some younger moms might...I just know I did not when I was your age).

I would encourage you to do several things.  First, find someone to talk to in real life.  If you don't want to talk to your mom because you think she may not be supportive, I understand that--but consider at least feeling her out on the issue.  She may well have dealt with similar issues.  Do you have an aunt, older buddy, anybody?  Is there a La Leche meeting or mom's group near you?  Those two were invaluable to me with my PPD.

Reach out, get medical help, and keep hanging in there.  Good luck, mama.