4yo's Tantrums so bad I fear someone will call the police.. - Page 2

[UptownZoo]

You definitely want to do whatever it takes to get some occupational therapy. I'd also take her to the dev ped AND the ped and discuss your concerns about her behavior. If it does come down to a CPS investigation (and sadly, it does more often than you might think), you want to be on record with as many professionals as possible as the first person to bring it up. Not to scare you, and it probably won't happen, but my son's service providers have saved my butt a couple of times. 

If your daughter has a diagnosable condition (ASD, MI, some other developmental/social/emotional something), then traditional discipline methods won't work, which may be what you're bumping up against right now. For my three eldest children (all NT), I let them have their tantrums. With my youngest (definitely NOT NT), I couldn't do that because he actually hurt himself. Sibling conflict in that case is more about your older daughter's inability to process stimuli appropriately than about just being bugged by her sister. 

[RiverTam]

Even if you are home schooling, you are eligible for therapeutic services through your school district.

It's not either/or. You can do both.

[WindyCityMom]

Thank you everyone for the support and ideas.  I wanted to check in and say that I've been using massage with her before bed and it's strange- she's almost a different kid.  Sure she still has her blowups- but they aren't several times a day.  I'm still going to contact someone from the schools and see what they think.  I've already addressed the situation with the downstairs neighbor, so that's good.  

My husband is another story- he really doesn't understand it all.  He's never witnessed a non-NT kid be this way- he just doesn't know what to do.  He's having a hard time struggling.. I think taking her to a specialist with him present could be beneficial to them both.  I think he's been a bit in denial, but right now the poop is hitting the fan and I think it's becoming more apparent to him that something is up with DD.  

Anyone have any advice as far as her control/always be "right" issues go?  She always confronts me about whatever her sister is doing/not doing "Mama, Moo isn't letting me make a tent.  Mama, moo says I'm 2.  Mama, Moo wants to use the block as a phone but it's my piece of pie. Mama, Moo says your keys are daddys keys but they're not"  And this isn't calm- it's her on the verge of hyperventilating.  I'm not sure about how to address that.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by WindyCityMom 
My husband is another story- he really doesn't understand it all.  He's never witnessed a non-NT kid be this way- he just doesn't know what to do.  He's having a hard time struggling.. I think taking her to a specialist with him present could be beneficial to them both.  I think he's been a bit in denial, but right now the poop is hitting the fan and I think it's becoming more apparent to him that something is up with DD.  

Dads usually take longer to come around. It can be really helpful if a provider says they understand your concerns, in front of dad.

Anyone have any advice as far as her control/always be "right" issues go?  She always confronts me about whatever her sister is doing/not doing "Mama, Moo isn't letting me make a tent.  Mama, moo says I'm 2.  Mama, Moo wants to use the block as a phone but it's my piece of pie. Mama, Moo says your keys are daddys keys but they're not"  And this isn't calm- it's her on the verge of hyperventilating.  I'm not sure about how to address that.

With ds I would say "would you come sit with me a minute" and/or "can I give you a hug" and say that dd was still little and didn't know as much as he did/doesn't know how to share like he does/doesn't understand that breaking the tent makes him sad/can you find her another block to be her phone? 2 & 4 was a really difficult age spread; that didn't often resolve things but it might calm ds down for a little while--ds' 4th year has been the most difficult so far.

When dd was 3 it was a little better better because she was more willing to play ds' way, though she would sometimes tease/provoke ds . It's gotten better as they've gotten older and now at 7.5 and 5.5 they play for an hour in the morning (on the weekends) before we get up without fighting. Though ds' had a really difficult year in Kindergarten behaviorally, he did absorb some things about getting along with others.

Has your 4yo been evaluated by your school district? I think it was mentioned upthread that homeschooling shouldn't prevent her from receiving services, though you could also have her in school for pre-k and/or K and later homeschool grade school. Though this past summer was good for ds in regards to his behavior, previously he did not do well without the structure of school. He really appreciates having a schedule (he actually needed [still does] to have a copy of the schedule posted for him and any schedule changes need to be explained to him in advance), and the school rules. And when there are people at school who work well with your child it can be nice to have the support .

Overview of Child Find

The Child Find Mandate: What Does It Mean to You? - Wrightslaw

[Satori]

Originally Posted by WindyCityMom 

If anyone is interested in trying to figure her out, her other symptoms are  extreme social anxiety, motor planning issues, and sensory issues (aversions).  

This sound familiar?

"I thought I might write a little something about children here, for all you parents who are wondering what the pyrrole symptoms are like in kids.
Kids are really not little adults in this case, and the symptoms depend on their age.
Infants of less than 6 months can present as refluxy babies, highly irritable babies and babies with extreme food sensitivities (reacting to mum's diet through the breast milk). They often have dry, almost scratchy skin.
Babies around the 12 month mark present with no interest in food - or very very inflexible with food range. They can be smaller than expected - very fine, delicate children, often resembling a "china doll". Sleep can be a real big problem.
Once they hit toddler age - you may be experiencing the HELL that is a Pyrole tantrum. It may not take much to set them off, and once the tantrum is up and running it seems to go on forever. It is about this time that eczema kicks in, gut problems and food intolerance's are a big issue."

If it rings a bell check out the Pyroluria group on Facebook, soooo easy to treat and you get a brand new kid any where from a few days to a few weeks but its hell until you figure it out and get it dx'd.

[Peony]

Hijacking, but that sounds like my DD1, that was her as a baby/toddler. She is 9 now, better but she still has her days. This morning she spend 30 minutes before school this morning, outside, in a snowbank wearing nothing but her school dress, screaming her head off at 7am. I would not be surprised if a neighbor reported us for throwing a kid outside. OMG that child. I am completely wiped out all before the day ever began. I will have to check that out.