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Newly Single mom

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 

Hi all Im new here and as of October 2011 I have become a single mom to my 10 month old son.

I am legally seperated from my husband and he see’s our son once a week, if my son is lucky. ( sometimes he goes a month with out seeing him). My husband and I split because he has a lot of problems he has to work out before i could even consider bringing our family back together. My son has been asking for his dad more and more often now. And even thought he is 10 months old, i dont know how to respond. I just say “ you’ll see dada on Tuesday” ...Its hitting me hard, being alone all the time. So i am hoping joining a forum would help.

Thanks for reading,

Elizabeth

post #2 of 6

Hi Elizabeth, welcome to the group. Learning to enjoy being on your own (not discounting children) is one of the hardest hurdles to overcome, but it is possible.

post #3 of 6

Hello!

 I too am a newly single mama. Trying to balance work, home with my DS and becoming myself again. As Elizabeth mentioned my little guy rarely sees Dad, and rarely asks about him. A concern of mine is how any of this is affecting him, he's 2 1/2. Anyone have any thoughts or experiences as to how it affects or affected a little one this age? Anything I should or should not be doing to help him?

thanks so much, love having a place to chat with others going through this new chapter of life.

Tracy

post #4 of 6

Your 10 month old son does not have the mental ability to ask for his father. A child that young does not have the a good sense of object permanence. When something is gone it no longer exists. He has little or no language skills. Da is a sound that is easy to say. If he says da it doesn't mean he is asking for his father. There just is no way he is asking for his father.

 

You can't explain anything to a 10 month old. It is difficult to impossible to explain something as simple as a stove is hot and can hurt you. You aren't going to be able to explain what a father is and why he isn't there. I wouldn't talk about his father at all since his visits are rare and you aren't sure if you are getting back together. His father is a stranger to him and should be treated like a stranger.

 

I suggest you read about child development so you know more about what to expect form your son. You can find info online or from college developmental psychology textbooks. Texts are easy to find at places like Goodwill. John Santrock is a good author of college psychology textbooks that are easy to understand.

 

Kids may not be able to understand much about a father not seeing them until they are 4-5 or older. They need to have an answer when other people ask them where their father is and they can say something like, "he doesn't live with me" or "he lives in another city". Something easy to say that doesn't make the child or the father sound bad yet will shut the other person up if they are asking too many questions.

post #5 of 6

^^^^good post

post #6 of 6

Welcome, I'm newly single too (5 weeks today!) So I know where you r coming from. I find this forum a real help ... even if I'm just lurking most of the time :)

 

Stay strong Mama, we can do this x

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