I am having a hard time dealing with DD's reaction to receiving gifts.
I wouldn't say that she is overly "spoilt" as we try to avoid excess materialism- we don't watch tv, don't shop unless we need to, focus on handmade over store bought things, etc. However, she does have lots of stuff- not really toys, but we have lots of good stuff like bikes, scooters, play equipment, craft supplies and books which we have given our kids outside of birthdays and Christmas. I also sew and knit her lots of things, clothes in particular, but also toys, costumes etc. I would love to be more frugal, but cannot honestly claim that I am.
I think we do a pretty good job of modelling gratefulness but when it comes to receiving a gift DD is downright RUDE. Christmas was terrible. I understand that not getting something you absolutely love can be disappointing for kids (and adults!). But DD threw some of her gifts (from family members) on the ground in disdain, refused to say thank you and then proceeded to fuss and sulk so much that she ruined my day. I tried to downplay it all, say thanks on her behalf and enjoy the day but she wouldn't leave me alone, kept pulling my clothes, pinching me (not hard, but anxiously), sulking, and asking for more gifts, until I was so upset I refused to talk to her and had to turn my back on her.
Since Xmas there have been lots of other little things... Xmas money to buy books, art supplies for holiday activities, sweets, family outings.... and I've been on her case to improve the reaction, but I think I'm missing the point and not getting through to her. Today DS (3) wanted to buy her some stickers as a gift. It was so sweet of him but she just did the usual "I don't like them" routine and threw them on the floor. I took them away and told her no more gifts of any kind for a month, which I now wish I hadn't said, but silently done anyway.
I think she wants to control what she receives and I allowed her to choose her own books at the store with Xmas money as a concession to this. But I don't want to encourage her to shop either! Also, when she is the only child getting something she is much happier, but as soon as anyone else receives ANYTHING, she feels hard done by.