Is your 8-9 year old a disaster?

[fairejour]

It feels like we have a teenager in our house already! She is moody, obsessed with her clothes, and bursts into tears nearly every day! Is this typical? It is almost like she is hormonal already!! Is this just her, or just a phase or is this our life now?

[One_Girl]

My dd has brief moments of being very emotional but it isn't a daily thing, typically it only lasts for a day and sometimes less.  Crying isn't even a monthly thing for my dd and when she does cry there are usually deeper reasons than what is obvious on the surface.  The same goes for times when she seems to be ruled by her negative emotions for longer than usual. 

Hormones can have an effect but I have found that the effect isn't as dramatic as you describe. When my dd first started coming into the age where hormones were starting to flow I did fall into the trap of blaming them for her acting out.  I have since realized that even though they do have an occasional effect there are still other triggers that can make a dramatic difference one way or the other. 

I really suggest looking at what else is going on to make your child less in control of herself to see if you can help her get back in control.  I find that my dd is most prone to being too sensitive when I am not handling my stress well, when we are out of the house a lot without time to relax at home, when she is hungry, when she doesn't feel listened too, when I have too many obligations outside of the house without her, and when she is not sleeping enough at night.  Finding ways to change these things really does help to bring her around to her usual self. 

[meemee]

ok so this is my take on this. i have not found anything on this online. really.

i call this prepuberty.

dd started this when she was almost 6.

i have spoken to parents and esp. teenagers who remember this phase. and they said it was worse than being a teenager.

also at around 7 to 9 is conciousness development time.

it is a HARD time for our kids. since dd went through this early she is pretty even keel now.

also do you notice this gets worse right before a bday. i think this is also an emotional and psychological growth spurt time.

they get horrible. and i mean horrible. then BOOM. OMG where did this awesome mature child come from?

dd has always been v. expressive so she was able to explain to me what she went through when she was being her worst. i had to have a lot of patience and review my own parenting style. because it meant i had to parent differently. instead of telling and guiding her with words, i now have to do it with silence. SO HARD i tell you. so hard. but dd demands it that way. and that's what i have to do.

[K1329]

We went through a similar period with dd. I realized that part of it was lack of sleep. She needs more sleep now, at 8, than she did at 7. Adjusting her bedtime has helped tremendously. When well rested, she has the strength to control her emotions. On days she hasn't had enough sleep, emotional meltdowns are common. Could she be needing more sleep?

[Ally Nathaniel]

Totally agree with that. Sleeping time is crucial here.

My DS (9) had a few tantrums lately. I’m sure it has something to do with him growing up an maturing (it’s hard for them), but it definitely helped to make sure he gets at least 10 hours of good sleep. AT LEAST 10 hours !

Every time he doesn’t get it he gets upset very easily, he tends to cry more and upset every one else in the family.

They still need a lot of sleep at that age, and we need to make sure they get it. My DS needs 12 hours sometimes. I thing it has something to do with him growing (physically) .

[Mom31]

My son is a mess.... I don't know I think he needs more one on one time from me. That's what I am trying right now at least... but yes- some of it I think is hormonal.

[PAOUtah]

I agree with DS needing more sleep. My concern is that he's in a classroom with just 1 teacher for 34 kids. And since it's a MINO - Montessori in name only - school, he can do whatever the heck he wants. Not that he does, but the other kids most certainly do. His 3Rs have steadily declined the last 20 school months.

I woke at 3am disturbed at last night's weird behavior. He called it the giggleshits. He doesn't eat enough food, at all, and when we pick him up at school, he's hungry beyond belief but hasn't eaten his lunch.

No way do I ask his teacher nor school what in heck goes on. I've gotten their wordy run-around answers. Do you ever feel like something is going on at your DS/DDs school but you can't put your finger on it? Do you ever think they are keeping secrets, and can't even tell you for fear of feeling shamed?

[fairejour]

Just a small update...she has gotten her first two pimples (one that we thought might be an isolated incident, and then another showed up). She is very concerned, so we are talking about good hygiene and washing your face and growing up....

[meemee]

AHA!!! hormones.

i have a friend whose 7 year old is suffering from really bad acne. round her chin. 

its rare but it still happens. 

my dd got BO. 

[Peony]

DD1 started getting pimples right after she turned 8. She is 9 now and they are only getting worse. And her leg hair turned really coarse, long, and dark to the point where it was really bothering her despite me never making a big deal out of shaving myself. So now I have a 9 year who shaves her legs. 

[Sarasyn]

Sleep is a huge culprit around here, and I know a lot of moms say even with hormones being an issue, a lack of sleep doesn't help.  You might want to check out how much sleep she gets a night because most kids in this age group need about 10 hours.

[fairejour]

She gets between 10 and 11. She is in bed by 8:30, asleep by 9:00 and wakes up at 7:30. It isn't a sleep issue.

[Peony]

Originally Posted by fairejour 

She gets between 10 and 11. She is in bed by 8:30, asleep by 9:00 and wakes up at 7:30. It isn't a sleep issue.

My DD1 gets the same, and yeah, I'd describe her as a mess as well!
 

[Tigerchild]

My daughter was (she just turned 10 and things do seem to be calming down a bit--even her pimples have backed off!).

My boys who are going to be 9 in June--not so much.  But DD was an absolute bear at that age and I spent a lot of time in tears as well, wondering "what I did wrong."  I think for her it was strongly due to puberty (she is now, at 10, 5'3" with breasts and a figure) coming on fast and furious.  She is still sprouting like crazy, but I wonder if her body is just rolling with it now.  My boys have shown no evidence of puberty starting, and they both seem to be on a far more even keel.  I hate to blame everything on hormones though.  I do think some of it is brain development as well.