I'm upset! « Back to Group Discussions

[tarabelle]

Some might think I'm overreacting here, but please share this post if you think that women have a right to decide who is allowed to touch their bodies.  

http://rocking-the-cradle.blogspot.com/2012/01/my-body.html

 

[jess in hawaii]

I agree tarabelle, it's amazing how some people don't see the woman connected to the baby bump. Interestingly, I have noticed an increasingly respectful attitude over the 18+ years from my first to this one, but still....  And I am doubly shocked that a classmate poked your breast! No excuse is even imaginable for that.

[dealic]

I am afraid to post in this thread for fear of jinxing myself because so far, only 1 person has touched me, and it was after polite conversation, AND I had pulled my shirt tight across my belly to show off the bump. My own family hasn't even tried to touch it.

I think that was completely weird of your classmate, and I have no idea what inspires someone to be so rude.

[prettyisa]

Wow. How did you not slap her? I think I would have had a hard time not doing that instinctively. So far only one person has touched me unexpectedly--in a thrift store where I asked if a coat would cover my belly well. She just reached out very softly and laid a hand on my belly in what was a surprisingly sweet move--so much so that i couldn't even be angry. But other than that I've been (so far--knocking on wood!) left alone. Hopefully you told her off so she won't do that again!

[tarabelle]

I was so in shock I couldn't say anything so instead I wrote it all down when I got home.  Thanks for your support ladies. 

 

[Christy1980]

I am so sorry!  What an odd thing to do, poking you like that.  I wonder what people think before they do things like that??

I haven't had that happen to me this time, (yet), but w/ DD, I was @ walmart shopping, facing the shelves, with 2 different cans of food, 1 in each hand, comparing labels.  I felt someone come up from behind me, reach under my elbow, and start rubbing my belly!  I whirled around and it was a little old lady, she smiled at me.  I said, "DO I KNOW YOU?!?!"  and she, SHE, got offended and walked away!!

I think this is supposed to prepare us for the strangers that will come up and touch the baby when it comes.  I slapped so many hands away from her at the grocery store, I felt like a Catholic Nun school teacher, lol.  If I'd only had a ruler, lol.

Can you tell I don't deal well w/ violations of personal space?  LOL!

[Itsasecret]

 Wow. You should print out your blog and give it to your classmate next time you see her. That's just weird.

I don't like anyone but dh rubbing my belly. Personal space is just so very important to me.

[sunflwrmoonbeam]

Holy cr&p! To be perfectly frank, touching someone in a sensitive area without their permission is sexual assault. If a guy did that it'd be clearly sexual assault, that she was a curious woman doesn't make it any less so. If I were you I would inform her of this fact. I bet she'd be completely shocked and apologetic, and embarrassed, which GOOD. 

[jess in hawaii]

Christy, I don't like people touching my babies either, I'm kind of a germaphobe and I'm sensitive about strangers energy. OTOH, completely contradictory to my own sensitivities about it, I can't resist babies myself, so I understand the desire to reach out and play with any one I see. What i usually do if someone seems determined to interact with my little one is gently guide them to just touch there feet/toes. This approach works well and I can live with it (except for a couple brief periods when I had toe sucking babies, lol)

[Tulafina]

Holy crap! I really can't believe she did that!! I too have personal space issues(and I'm a loud mouth;)so I tend to say something right then and there even if it's harsh. I probably would have asked her if it was ok to poke her in a private spot in front of other classmates. See what she says. And then I'd get a Tshirt made up that says "Touch the bump and die" . Or maybe this one ...
http://www.cafepress.ca/+maternity_pepper_spray_organic_womens_tshirt_da,383848247
LOL

[sunflwrmoonbeam]

Jess, I love interacting with babies too, but I NEVER touch a baby without permission, and pretty much never ask to hold a newborn. After 3 months I'm less stringent on that rule. Anyways, I don't touch babies, but I do talk to them, though almost never before talking to the parent first. "Hey Jane, great to see you! And hi little Billy, how're you doing today?" something like that.

[jess in hawaii]

SFMB- I don't touch without asking, for sure, but I do smile, coo, all that. I always acknowledge the parent first, if it isn't someone I know, I'll say something "Cute baby!" or "What a sweetie" and smile to break the ice. But, ever since I was a child, I have been one of those people that most babies and many small children notice and want to engage, even if I'm not going out of my way,  so I try to be respectful, totally, but if a baby wants to play with me, I'm not going to say no

eta: I try not to have my babies out in public much when they are newborn, I do try to keep them more concealed if we do go out. But after a few months, they often want to interact with the world, so that's fine. But I'm not keen on letting people hold my baby unless the baby seems into it. And i only ask to hold babies if they seem like they want to (thankfully, quite often they do )

[sunflwrmoonbeam]

I'm all about taking my baby out, but I don't let people hold him/her without reason, and thankfully they rarely ask. When I was at my in-laws with Evie there'd be times I'd say, need to pee, and I'd lift her in the air and say "who wants to hold a baby?" Invariably I'd get 2 or 3 people running to hold her, it was great!

[prettyisa]

Oh great, now I’m creeped out by the idea of people coming up and manhandling the kiddo once it’s on the outside! I make eye contact with babies, and smile, coo, play, etc, if they are into it (I’ll say something to the parent if they’re facing me, but this usually seems to be when the kid is being held facing the opposite way) but it never, ever occurs to me to touch them. Yikes! Of course, I’m kind of shy about touching babies that I know even if I know their parents are ok with it. I loosen up eventually and ask to hold them, but I wouldn’t even swoop in and pick them up when we’re friends.

[jess in hawaii]

prettyisa- sounds like we are pretty much on the same page, the only difference being that I do like to hold babies, but that only started after i had my own and got comfortable with them. Before that, i would totally smile/coo/play, but rarely touch and NEVER hold one (the few times I held my friends' babies, i was like "Uh, what do i do with this?" even if I connected with them otherwise).

I think a combination of feeling at ease with babies now and the fact that I am not quite Grandma age, but getting there, I gotta have my baby fix even when I don't have one of my own. I sort of hate to admit it, but I'm probably destined to be one of those old ladies that swoops in on any baby, familiar or not. lol.

[southernfriedkarma]

I get touched by strangers ALL THE TIME.  I also seem to have some aire about me that invites people to ask me deeply personal questions, offer unsolicited advice, etc.  I tend to give strangers a shocked look which stops them from touching me - most of the time.  I don't really mind friends and family touching my belly.  If we're close enough to hug, then a little pat is ok.  It is a little weird when it turns to prolonged touching 

[Thursday Girl]

Originally Posted by southernfriedkarma 

I get touched by strangers ALL THE TIME.  I also seem to have some aire about me that invites people to ask me deeply personal questions, offer unsolicited advice, etc.  I tend to give strangers a shocked look which stops them from touching me - most of the time.  I don't really mind friends and family touching my belly.  If we're close enough to hug, then a little pat is ok.  It is a little weird when it turns to prolonged touching 

I never know what to do when people crouch down and start rubbing and talking to my belly for prolonged periods of time. it's kind of awkward, especially since I can smell so well and I am a little self conscious about my private bits despite washing daily. I mean I could smell weirdly well before I was ever pregnant, now I am sure I always stink, although my hubs and some close friends assure me it's just in my head and they can't smell anything. (yeah TMI)

also uggh people touching the baby. once when Josephine was about 12 days old I had her in my wrap and this woman who said she was an elementary school nurse (hello nasty germs!) started talking to her and then REACHED IN THE WRAP AND TRIED TO PULL HER OUT!!!!  Yes, I totally spoke up!

[csekywithlove]

I've only had people in my family (close cousins, siblings, aunts) try to touch my belly so far. A couple of close female friends who are crazy about me having a baby have too. But other than that, it's been ok. However I do give the "come close to me and I will beat the hell out of you" look to any stranger that glances at my belly in public. 

Tarabelle, I don't see how your didn't deck her. Female or not, so not appropriate. I would have said, "You want to look at my vagina too? Because you totally crossed the line just now." I am pretty cut throat when it comes to my personal space. 

[Countrygirl10]

The worst I ever had was when the threat of swine flu everywhere so I deliberately wrapped DD6 up in her ergo (she was about 4 mths ) for shopping , this old man came up & stroked her face right next to my breast & called her a monkey! My friend & I were shocked as we had just said at least no one would touch our babies when they were so close in our personal space!!!