I love August!! And Obie is supa cute too, Penny.
~*~*~*~ The Name Thread!!! ~*~*~*~ - Page 11
Going to bring this subject up again. Hope that's okay.
Yesterday afternoon, my 12 year old daughter and I went to the hospital to visit my SIL who had just had a baby the night before. While I was standing there, ooohing and aaahing over the beauty of this baby and trying to listen to the birth story, my SIL's mother mentioned how awful our name choice is. So I'm standing there, baby in hand, belly a big as a house, with my 12 year old completely gobsmacked because we had purposely NOT told anyone other than my mother the baby's name. My mother decided it was a great conversation piece for the waiting room that morning and filled everyone in... and everyone evidently had a nasty reaction to it. This idiot woman went on - in FRONT of my daughter - tell me if we used the name we'd chosen, my son will grow up to be gay. (Um, who cares if he grows up to be gay? I want him to grow up to be happy.) I did what I could to blow her off... and she then proceeded to turn around and insult my daughter's hair (Katie had put her hair in an adorable messy bun with lots of multi-colored elastics to match her tie-dyed shirt because she has wicked thick hair and it was 100 degrees out), telling her it's a good thing she goes to Catholic school because she looked like a nun. (Dude, the day I meet a nun wearing tie dye and sparkly sneakers, I may consider joining a convent myself.) And it just went from there... I'm angry with myself for not standing up to her, but I kept trying to set a good example for my daughter and refocus the conversation on this perfect, beautiful baby in my arms. (I mean, seriously - she is GORGEOUS.)
This "awful" name we've chosen? Connell. Connell appears twice on my family tree, in both my mother and father's family. On my father's side it's the last name of a Civil War soldier who died in Virginia and was never given a grave. On my mother's side, it's last name of my Irish-immigrant great-great grandmother who raised 6 children and who I've read many stories about, defining her as strong and deeply devoted to her family and her faith.
So just, you know, keep in mind that if you choose to name your child something meaningful and historical, he's destined for a life of ridicule and homosexuality. And also, sometimes mentally punching people really can help you cope with their stupidity and ignorance.
Edited by ericaf - 7/1/12 at 9:45am
Holy crow, I'm with Erica, you handled the situation much better than I have. I think Connell is a great name, and like Eleuthia said, it is practically a compliment to the name that someone who would bring up stuff like the name and your daughter's hair (wtf?) dislikes it....hopefully since it is SIL's mother, you don't have to be around her too much.
Also, congratulations on the new niece!
I'm sorry..that is just so rude of her. I do believe that you handeled it very well. We also don't share the names we are thinking of for baby. That doesn't stop my grandmother from calling at least every other day(sometimes twice a day!) with ideas and names she's heard on tv and such. The voicemails are hilarious..they go on for many minutes with her saying why we should use this name..When we are together She will ask if I got the message and what I thought of the name. I used to tey and be accomodating..saying thank you, maybe, idk. Now, I just say so if I don't like it. and we will find something..
It all works out in the end, right? Everyone gets a name and eventually everyone gets used to the name. It's your baby..you get to name it.
And..in my opinion..I would have been more angry that she called out my daughter than anything else..She's standing right there..for goodness sake! I hope you told her to ignore such comments..in front of the offender.
I like Connell and how cool is it that it has a family history behind it!
WOW. Some people have no idea when to shut their mouths, do they? Seriously, a grown-up criticizing the appearance of a twelve-year-old?? To her face?? Did she think she was being funny? And I would assume this isn't even someone who knows your daughter well at all? Geeze. I don't know what I would have done, I probably would have been too stunned to react. And as for the whole name thing, uh, WHAT? It is an unusual name, but it's not exactly bizarre. And where she came up with the idea that Connell = gay is beyond my ability to fathom, even if I could fathom that there was a link between a child's name and their sexual orientation. about the whole situation!
I feel glad that lately most the people who ask us about a name and hear we aren't telling say, "That's smart! Then people don't give you their opinions!" instead of badgering us for an answer.
Whoa. I think Connell is a great name! Lots of cute nickname possibilities too. I really don't understand some people and their insistence on bringing negativity to what is such a beautiful and meaningful experience. I mean, from the moment you get pregnant, people are telling you how much it's going to suck, how hot you'll be in the summer, how much labor will hurt, and then how crappy the names you've picked out are (or how you registered for the "wrong" brand of carseat or whatever). It's really amazing. My family's been pretty good, thankfully, and like monkeyscience, most people are totally cool when we say we're keeping the names a secret. Our names aren't common but they're also not super weird, but I can just picture what my mom's (unsuccessfully stifled) reaction would be. Also, my grandmother is obsessed with the name Angelica and brings it up every time I see her, at least twice. I'm not sure if she thinks it's funny to keep bringing it up or if she's actually serious, but sorry, it's not a contender.
(Also, the gay comment would really piss me off because as you pointed out, why would it matter, and secondly, really? Naming your kid influences their sexual orientation? I know some scientists who would LOVE to see some data on that one. Ugh.)
I hadn't planned to share the name and I'm kicking myself for even telling my mother. I was extremely sick in late May and she took me to the hospital and stayed with me while I got a few bags of IV fluid and antibiotics. When I realized they were putting me in the same room and the same bed where I'd lost my last baby in September, I kind of panicked and started looking for positive things to think about... and in that moment, the most positive thing I could come up with was what we're naming this baby. So my mother KNEW we weren't telling anyone and I even explained why. I change my mind about names in the hospital. Jillian was Hailey until I was in labor. Graham was Griffin. Andrew was Jonathan. Katie, however, was always Katie... but that's another story :) I told her I didn't want the older kids to get attached to a name and have me change it on them.
So yes, I'm completely angry with my SIL's idiot mother... but I'm even more angry with my own mother for gossiping about me. I'm 37 years old, for pity's sake! I am NOT some dippy little teenage daughter who needs her constant arm chair psychoanalysis! Have some respect, woman!
Phew. That felt really good to 'say' out loud
Oh geez... I just read this and I can so relate. I love my mother, God bless her, but she is the absolute WORST at keeping secrets, OR she shares things that simply aren't true if she's not comfortable with reality. I have, time and again, had to have a firm talk with her about sharing my news (which I was just relating to her personally, not so that she could share it with the entire family - which, in my case, includes 14 siblings, their spouses, children, children's spouses, and their children - about 80 people). It's infuriating and disappointing NOT to be able to share more with my mom - who is a very intelligent, good-hearted person in many many ways - but I've learned the hard way.
HOWEVER, I would kick SIL's mom's arse for saying what she said. You are a much better person than I!
We had been trying for over a year for another so we have had names picked out for a while. If it's a girl, we will name her Lillibeth Faye Ann after my grandmother. If it's a boy, his name will be Nikolai Jericho. Of course, I am going to have to give them some unique spelling....just like my other children.
Lovely names, Peaceful.
Chotchkes, I would definitely not even consider changing the name. It is a great name and one that you love, so that is all that matters. If people don't like it, they will have to learn to come to terms with it. I admit, and I'm embarrassed to have pressured my sister this way, but she always created short lists for her LOs names to be decided when they were born, and we often pushed pretty hard for OUR preferred choices, when really the decision should have been solely hers. And in the end, she did the best job in choosing the best name for HER kids, and they fit them so well.
DH and I have been unable to come to a compromise on names the entire pregnancy, so now that, at 36 weeks (due 08/11) we have a name picked out, I want to scream it from the rooftops...but we agreed not to tell any of our relatives until she's born because A) I've had a bit of short fuse this pregnancy and if I was told AGAIN "that's an UGLY name" or "she'll be a spoiled brat if you name her that" I'm pretty sure I'd say something I shouldn't, and B) it'd be nice to have something to announce, since everyone already knows her gender.
So instead, I get to tell you wonderful ladies!
We will be expecting Miriam Amaya. We're planning on calling her "Miri". Since both of us are Jews, Miriam was a good choice because we wanted a traditional Hebrew name as either her first or middle and a lot of our other names we'd liked we felt were becoming hipster-popular, which we felt was a little less likely with Miriam. I fell deep in love with Amaya mid-pregnancy and firmly insisted it be her first name, but Ben did not like it enough to agree to it as a first name, so it became a firm middle name.
, I'm sorry to hear about your SIL - that was way uncalled-for and I think Connell is a nice name. Besides that, using "gay" as an insult? Who is a she, a homophobic thirteen-year-old boy? I'm sending positive thoughts your way~