Junk food at Grandma's (grumble)

[catnip]

I have just realized that the worst rash of picky and resentful eating behavior that we have been observing lately has coincided with my mom moving into town and taking our daughter for overnight visits. She's usually pretty good about respecting our vegan choices for the most part, but the food she chooses is CRAP.

My daughter used to eat whole grain pastas. Now she wants white because she gets pasty white crappy bowties at grandma's house. She used to eat oatmeal. Then I was stupid and grabbed a box of instant oatmeal on a road trip this summer - something I've done before, and gone back to home-cooked once we're home with no trouble. But now, Grandma offers the instant stuff, and mine's rejected. (this morning I sauteed a diced apple in coconut oil with brown sugar and cinnamon, added oats and soymilk with nuts and seeds and cooked it, then topped it with more 'milk' and sugar. "It's not as good as Grandma's." Well DUH, it isn't half SUGAR!)

My daughter is very thin, just like her dad. I? Am not. My mom always gushes about how well she eats at her house - three plates of pasta and veggies, 4 toaster waffles, 3 bowls of crappy oatmeal. Most of a package of freaking soy dogs.

I count on my mom to watch her for my sanity, and in order to get stuff done that is important to me. But I don't know how to fix this, because it is crazy-making.

[philomom]

It's not making you saner to have a picky child and to worry about your daughter's diet. See grandma less and not at mealtimes.

[laohaire]

Yeah, you can't make your mom change her ways. Belieeeeeeeeeve me, I know.

So you've tried talking to her. It didn't work, apparently. I guess you could see if she would feed DD meals you send over with her. I don't have high hopes, but maybe worth a shot. It's possible she is willing to do what you want but just doesn't have a good understanding of what's cool with you.

I speak from experience that your hunch is right - your DD will eat better when she is consistently being offered good food and not being fed junk by one person. One person feeding junk throws everything off, it really does.

Not everybody prioritizes nutrition equally. Some feel that time with grandma is more important than avoiding white pasta, and that's their prerogative - and yours, if you feel that way too. If you think nutrition is of very high importance, then you can't change your mother and will simply have to limit her influence.

[jbk21]

Yup.

Originally Posted by laohaire 

Yeah, you can't make your mom change her ways. Belieeeeeeeeeve me, I know.

So you've tried talking to her. It didn't work, apparently. I guess you could see if she would feed DD meals you send over with her. I don't have high hopes, but maybe worth a shot. It's possible she is willing to do what you want but just doesn't have a good understanding of what's cool with you.

I speak from experience that your hunch is right - your DD will eat better when she is consistently being offered good food and not being fed junk by one person. One person feeding junk throws everything off, it really does.

Not everybody prioritizes nutrition equally. Some feel that time with grandma is more important than avoiding white pasta, and that's their prerogative - and yours, if you feel that way too. If you think nutrition is of very high importance, then you can't change your mother and will simply have to limit her influence.

[heatherr30]

Is there any way you can get your mom to visit you and entertain your DD (and feed her food from your fridge?) :)

Or to helpfully offer to bring the vegan food with you to save your mom time cooking?

It sounds like she is on your side, in a way, if she is agreeing to feed your dd vegan food.  Have you explained to her the effect her food has been having on your dd's home diet? 

[MrsSlocombe]

I think you just have to lay out the rules in a clear way, and be prepared to provide any and all food that Grandma doesn't normally keep on hand.

I'm not sure what her motivation is, exactly, but I can tell you that when I have cared for children as a nanny, I did the worst about keeping true to a family's food philosophies if it wasn't clear.  One Mom said she didn't want her kids to have dried cranberries (because they cause cavities), but she gave them to them, herself, every day.  I would say, "Then, should I give them to them?", and she would say "a few," often tossing extras into her daughter's bowl after she ate the ones I gave her.  In another family, the Mom believed in healthy eating, but the Dad didn't.  I wanted to honor the family's wishes, but sometimes, it was confusing.  I wonder if your mother could be experiencing similar confusion, even if you intended to be clear.  I think I would go in assuming that your Mom means well and simply didn't understand your wishes, but now you intend to clarify it for her.

[dovey]

The same thing happens around here.  The kids go to their grandparents, eat lots of sugar, white flour and processed foods and then that's what they want at home too.  My mom tries to feed them healthy meals - it's just that her definition of healthy and my definition are somewhat different. 

I think it is like Mrs Slocombe says.  It can be very confusing what is acceptable and what is not.  I try to send food with the kids - organic fruits and veggies, PB sandwiches made from non-hydrogenated PB, etc.  I also buy some food for my mom when I go to the store, since the kids go over there so much.  What we eat does cost more $, and I don't want her to feel like she has to pay extra to feed my kiddos.  

I think it also helps to share stories about mainstreamish news articles.  For example, we talked about how high levels of arsenic were found in grape juice and apple juice.  We also discussed research about isolated soy protein (to try and get less of those junky hot dogs into the kids.)  Then at least she knows certain things to avoid, but I'm not personalizing it. 

On the positive side, my skinny kiddo has been putting on the pounds since they moved into town.  Pounds made of tofutti cuties, large glasses of white grape juice and potato chips, but pounds nonetheless.