Birth Plans

[JMJ]

How is everyone doing with their birth planning?  Is there anything you are planning to do to make it special?  I'm having a lot of fun planning this time around because I have a bit better idea of how things will go since I've already had one child with this same midwife.

Planning this time around is easier in some ways because I've already researched and made the medical decisions (and they pretty much all come automatically with my home birth midwife... it's not like she's going to lop off my son's foreskin even if I asked her to, and she's not going to take my baby away from me or use any chemicals on/in him/her/me without talking to me about it first.  That part of my birth plan should be mostly a matter of tweaking my birth plan from last time, which is mostly a back-up plan for if we have to go to the hospital.

In other ways, it's much more complicated having another child... who is still nursing!  She's really a mommy's girl, and I think she'll do great as long as her needs are met... it's just that nobody knows how to meet her needs like I do.  She'll have 1 or both grandmas in town, and I'm sure everything will go wonderfully.  I just want to have some things prepared for her, some overarching philosophy to communicate to the people who may be taking care of her.

How are birth plans going for you all?

[8inTulgeyWood]

I haven't got to the specifics, really.  I guess I feel like I mostly know what to expect since this is the third time I will be using the same midwife.  

My son's birth (first homebirth) was so amazingly awesome.  I was so relaxed and it truly was all but completely pain free.  It was just fast and easy.  Water broke spontaneously at 9pm while getting ready for bed.  Contractions started maybe an hour later, but felt super mild.  At 11, I would go into my zone of deep relaxation during the height of contractions, and he was born at 11:15 after 2 spontaneous pushes.

My second homebirth (baby 5) was a much different experience.  I tried to relax like I had done the last time, but was a tense, nervous, anxious wreck and couldn't pull myself out of it.  I was so full of fear to being borderline panicked.  I mostly chalk the difference up to my personal life.  It was a super rough patch in our marriage dealing with unemployment for over 5 months and just really not feeling any unity. :(

Luckily thing s have been better for years and I am focusing on the positive and really trying to prepare mentally for this birth so it can hopefully be more like #4.  I have never had a water birth (mostly because all my labors have been incredibly fast except the last one).  So that is something I am seriously considering.  My midwife sells those fishy pools for $30 so its not too big of an investment if I change my mind.  I have a deep tub, and love soaking in it frequently at this stage, but can't quite imagine being comfortable maneuvering around in it.  

I read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and am reading Active Birth right now.  

I can't decide if I want anyone else present other than midwife, her assistant and my spouse.  I know my mom is dying to be present and she has been for three of my other kids.  I'm just pretty modest, especially when it comes to my mom for some reason, and I don't want to feel embarrassed or hindered.

I got my room clean and a lot of relaxing music on my ipod, which I love during labor.  I also like dim lights and massage from my husband, which he practices on my frequently.

[MommyBecky]

Okay, this isn't about birth plans, but I thought you two might understand. This baby is #3. We have a DD who will be 17 mos in March. So, a little close, but there was really no reason to postpone. Don't want to jinx myself, but little miss has even lost interest in nursing in the past week (wasn't really looking forward to tandem nursing but I'm not going to forcibly wean her at such a young age). Anyway, DH hadn't told anyone but his boss at work. They had thought the baby might have downs, so we just wanted to wait and process ourselves... DH didn't want everybody talking about it at work... So we waited, but then somehow with the holidays, etc he didn't end up telling them till 30 wks (this week). The reactions he got were basically "that'll be a lot to handle" and "you know, they make something for that" (I guess they think we should've been on birth control and we're being irresponsible?). I just feel like why is it so awful for us to have more than 2.1 children? Actually, they seemed kind of negative even when we just had 2. :( I wish someone had said something nice.

[JMJ]

Hugs, MommyBecky.  I'm constantly amazed at how anti-child our culture is that people feel that they can pass judgment (and tell you about it!) on a couple's choice to bring a child into this world.  Anything else you can do is your own business, and I have no right to say anything, but children (children!  real live people!) are seen as nothing more than a curable disease, and accepting the "cure" is seen as a moral imperative in our culture.  Don't get me started.... okay, I'll stop now.

Children are a blessing... all the time, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  I hope your husband has a snappy comeback for the next person who says something inappropriate to him.  I think people just don't realize how inappropriate their comments are sometimes because they don't think about the full impact of what they're saying.

[JMJ]

8inTugleyWood, I highly recommend a water birth.  The water feels wonderful, it's easy to move, and clean-up is easy.  My mother was there for my first birth, and I also felt uncomfortable because of modesty reasons (and helpless to do anything about it!).  This time, my MIL will almost certainly be there, and my mom will fly here while I'm in labor, so if things go anything like last time, she'll be here too.  I'm working with somebody on a swimsuit/skirt that would meet my needs for modesty but still allow for skin-to-skin with the baby.

[8inTulgeyWood]

Mommy Becky,  So sorry you are dealing with such insensitive people!  I'm expecting my sixth in 11 years and have heard many comments.  I have learned not to care about what strangers think, but when it comes from close family its pretty tough.  I REALLY hate being asked if it was an accident.  I think the best defense is to make sure when you or your hubby announces it, to make it clear you are thrilled.  "We're expecting our third, we are so excited!  Isn't that great?".  Its harder for people to say something negative if you make your feelings clear.  

All my babies self-weaned way to early for me.  They were all mobile very early and super active babies that hated to hold still.  The last months of nursing were painful cause they had such a hard time holding still, and they wanted to take my nipple with them!  Still, I think the biggest problem is milk supply.  I do really great at first and it just dwindles.  It especially gets bad after I introduce other foods, but they seem to desperately need more than I am able to give after 6 months old.  My last baby was so skinny and plumped up tons when she was offered more than just the breast.  It made me feel really awful that she apparently wasn't getting enough.  I hope to address some of those issues better and figure out how to increase my supply.

JMJ, I think I will go for the water birth.  I have silly questions like how to fill it and drain it, but I'm sure my midwife can help me with.  I also worry about how full our hot water heater can comfortably fill the thing.  And speaking of water temp, is it what is comfortable for you, or do you shoot for a specific temp for the baby?

So, I like your swim suit idea.  I am thinking I maybe have one around that I could modify.  My newest is a skirt and I could just cut out the crotch so it is open, but I get one new swimsuit maybe every few years so I hate to ruin my newest one.  I was thinking about just wearing a sports bra, but hate that it covers so much of the skin I want to lay baby on.  I am pretty big chested and not comfortable with it all hanging out either.  What are you doing for your top?

Is your baby staying OP?  Mine seems to either be posterior or sideways most of the time.  I don't worry about it til labor really cause I don't think the baby has much emphasis to want to be in the OA position until they are engaged really low in the pelvis, which usually doesn't happen till labor with 2nd and subsequent births.  With my fourth, My midwife checked as soon as she arrived after my water broke and found that he was OP.  She had me get on my knees on my bed, bum in the air and chest resting on my bed and told me to stay in that position.  It literally only took about 2 minutes, and I felt this giant twist inside and sure enough he had turned OA.  It was really cool!

[JMJ]

8inTulgeyWood, talk to your midwife about what she normally does for filling and draining.  My midwife has the appropriate hoses that she lends us/brings with her.  I believe they ran one from the shower head to the living room to fill the pool last time, and she has a pump to pump out all the water into the toilet.  I got lucky last time, and my water didn't break until I was already in the pool, and there was virtually no mess.  My mom, the midwife, and her apprentice had it all cleaned up in what seemed like 15 minutes (though I question my sense of time since I was so exhausted and falling asleep), threw a load of towels in the washing machine on their way out the door, and that was it!  I'm not sure what it's like for a non-water home birth, but I was quite impressed with how easy the clean-up was.  You want the water to be about body temperature (your midwife will be able to tell if it's too cold or too hot), and no, your water heater won't have enough hot water, but you can have your support team heat up water on the stove to dump in.  My husband laughed about boiling water while I was in labor.  You can get in when it's less full and then just add some cold water and some hot water as you go.

This is the gal I'm working with on Etsy.  I'm working on a way to wrap it upside down as a shirt that would go over my shoulders, allow discrete nursing access for my toddler during labor, and then I can untie the part that covers most of my front and pull the strip that covers my bust up (easier for me since I'm pretty small-chested) so I can have skin-to-skin contact with my newborn, and the part that formerly covered my front goes to the side so that it could either be held up as somewhat of a curtain to block the view of bystanders or wrapped around the baby (and me!).  For going to bed afterward, I got a cozy wrap shirt to wrap myself and the baby up skin-to-skin (so my mom doesn't walk in on my topless again).  I totally get the feeling of trying to figure out how to be totally skin-to-skin with baby and minimize what everybody else sees.  Wraps of one kind or another seem to be the answer for me.

My baby is still moving around.  I spend a lot of time in the position you described, especially when Baby is moving around.  There was a lot of commotion in there when I was almost back to sleep about 6AM this morning, and things are "different," but I can't tell exactly what that means.  The baby's head down, and I'm feeling fewer little parts, so we might be OA now, but I'm not skilled enough to be able to tell for sure.  Last time, DD turned breech at 37 weeks (MW did EV on her 2 or 3 times, and she kept flipping back up and then flipped back down on her own), and she was still posterior when I went into labor, and the back labor and irregular contractions (all less than 10 minutes apart for 21 hours and 20 minutes, but they were irregular, and my MW kept saying that she wasn't sure if it was really labor since they were so irregular) were quite difficult.  She did finally turn, but it was a lot of hard labor before it happened.  I could totally live without ever going through an OP labor again.

[JMJ]

Ugg.  I'm worried my swimsuit plan may be falling through.  I'm trying to figure out how crafty I want to be and if I want to add one more thing to my plate right now.  I don't have or know how to use a serger, so I'd be trying to do it on my sewing machine, which is in the shop until early next week.  With less than 8 weeks left until my EDD, I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed.  It's just hitting me that it's almost time...