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I've seen the video at the birth class, now I'm a fraidy cat :-(

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 

One childbirth class and a few jitters leading up to the birth of this bubba has turned me into a bowl of jelly  :-(


Thinking I was so cool, would do a homebirth if I could (sadly no midwives in my area though and too hard to travel with my back issues), would do it all natural.......thinking I was so cool, earth hippy mama, can handle anything.......


Now I'm scared of going into labour.  It's going to hurt a lot and I'm worried I won't handle it   :-(  The hospital was very pro-natural birth though which was a good thing, and they know about my back, but still......the self doubt........I need to get past it.


DH thinks that I do this all the time, before a job interview, or anything that's a big deal, I get super stressed about it and then on the day I'm really brave and 'just do it'.  He did say though that if it was him having to do it, he'd be scared too.

post #2 of 13

I think being nervous is part of the preparation.  It is a big deal and an unknown, so nerves are understandable.  I think the biggest help for me last time was just learning as much as possible.  Does the comment you DH made seem true to you?  If so, does it help you remember other times when you have gotten up the confidence to do something big?

post #3 of 13

Awe, big hug! You are going to do fine. Self doubt is fine. I still remember clearly sitting in the car with DH on the way home from one of my last midwife appts with my second and saying "Birth hurts! I don't want to do it again." and him saying, ever so helpfully, "It's a little late for that now." Ha Ha...


Truthfully, esp the first time, it does hurt. Mostly I think cause it is all new, and it is unknown. BUT, you can help. Learning as much as you can about the process is one way. Learning what you can do to help deal with the pain of the contractions, things that help you feel like you are not just along for the ride.


From my first birth I took away a very vivid memory of what the contractions felt like at each phase. I'm probably using really old terminology, but here is my description of labor:

In early labor the contractions start at the bottom of your belly and move up. This is when you are dilating and effacing, the "thinning" of your cervix, it can take awhile, and initially feels pretty much about the same as mild menstral cramps, you know they are happening, but you can carry on with life mostly as usual. As this phase progresses they get stronger, and longer, and you get to the point of having to actually think about them, stopping and making an effort to relax.

Then comes 'transition'. In my opinion this is the part of labor that makes you want to leave and come back later. Which makes sense to me, because this is when you go from an upward movement of the contraction to a downward. The muscle(s?) of your uterus are shifting from the "thinning" to the "pushing". They feel like the muscle crashing into itself, the contractions started at both the top and bottom and "met" in the middle. It felt so unproductive. The blessing is that it usually doesn't last very long (the used to say about 20 min, but I'm not sure about that now) This is when you have to just imagine you are in the ocean and the contractions are waves. One at a time and only one. Rest and relax as best you can in-between, and do your best to not "ride the wave you are not on" be very "right now".

After that comes the pushing/delivery. To me the pain felt like it went away! I know it didn't, but suddenly I was a full on active partner in what was happening, and I think that gave me the mental boost I needed. The contractions start at the top of your belly and move down. The very best thing that I was told to do was to relax through a contraction, do nothing and just feel what my body was doing. Talk about power! Those contractions are A.MAZE.ING! With your back issues, I'm not sure how that would work for you because I remember my body jerking forward and back. With the next one I was able to work with it, to use it and direct my energy into it. The pain at this stage is so productive feeling, that it just doesn't seem like pain in the traditional sense. The biggest thing to be careful of at the end is being sure you are resting in between contractions so that you don't wear out. 

Then out comes the baby and the world and the pain and everything else just goes away. I always tear, and I'm almost never aware of the stitching up :) 

I hope this is helpful to you, I hope that you get over your nerves and have a birth that results in not only a healthy baby and mommy, but a birth that you are pleased with. You can do this. 

post #4 of 13

Do you have care providers that are knowledgable about natural birth?  Last time, I made a whole list of coping mechanisms, and it all went well for a while with me focusing on breathing until things got hard, and I forgot everything else on my list until my midwife got there and told me to make long, low sounds, and that really helped me get through, and my midwife had ideas to help me over each hump, so I really felt like the worst it got was the 20 minutes before my midwife got there, at which time, I felt like I couldn't handle it getting any worse, and I wanted to go to the hospital to get an epidural before it got much worse, but it was more fear of more pain than I could handle rather than it actually being more pain than I could handle.  If your care providers can't do it for you, can you have a list that you ask your husband to suggest things off the list to you or consider hiring a doula?

post #5 of 13

I would reawd birthing from within by pam england.

post #6 of 13

I would watch some actual homebirth videos.  They are super affirming and even make me excited to do it again.  


I love this midwifes stories/videos (you have to follow the links on the lower right side under "most viewed")






post #7 of 13
Well ive never had a child and i am not worried at all. I will tell you my secret. See ive seen tons of the videos and just like you i know it will hurt and am not sure if i can handle it. This is where my sneaky thinking comes in... The goal is to do it naturally of course for the best interest of the babe. Well the way i see it is after a certain point they cant give you anything so my goal is to make it that far. Once i get that far i can give up i can think i cant make it i can scream in agony and feel like im gonna die but inevitably birth will occur whether its pleasant or not and whether i believe i can do it or not will play no role. I know that all sounds very gruesome but its very honest and it helps me to look at it that way so maybe it will help you?

To add to what the other ladies said i also find it very comforting that ive done my homework and that as far as the books are concerned i know what to expect. I know it will be different and unique and i know that no preperation is truly going to make it like something i know or have done before but knowingnwhat to expect helps me too.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
post #8 of 13

I would also read homebirth stories on here!!!  That gave me so much confidence to have my homebirth.... and would have helped me a ton with my first. YOU CAN DO THIS!  It is going to hurt but you are doing it. Please get that book I mentioned to.

I will link my homebirth story.

post #9 of 13
http://www.mothering.com/community/t/389386/alaina-rennae-born-at-home-11-28-05 This is not like a job interview by the way- this is probably one of the most incredible things you will ever do.
post #10 of 13
Thread Starter 

Thank you so much everyone for your replies.  I've got a busy morning ahead reading the links. 


It's so nice to be able to post here and confess true fears and things, and there are friendly people on the other end who have advice and tips.  I really appreciate it.

post #11 of 13

With my first, I was a little scared because I had no idea what to expect.   Many had described contractions to feel like menstrual cramps.  Others said they were like stronger Braxton Hicks.  For me, they were absolutely NOTHING like either one of those.  I didn't even feel any tightening.  I felt single, focused, pain that increased in intensity that was down low and centered.  It was a pain that gradually became so intense that it consumed me.


I had used the Hypnobabies recordings before birth but didn't put them on when I went into labor.  When the contractions got intense, I started to almost panic, primarily because I felt like I couldn't get away from them, and most importantly, breathe.  I felt constricted.  My husband started playing the hypnobabies recording through a speaker connected to my mp3 player and it helped me find my focus.   I didn't use the actual hypnobabies techniques and don't even actually remember a thing that was said :D but I was so used to relaxing to it in practice, that it calmed me.  Once I focused inward, I was able to find my center and deal with the contractions.  I went from a feeling of panic to calm and completely silent, for hours, even through transition.  My midwife thought I was sleeping and wrote in my chart, 'Excellent use of Hypnobabies'   No, I was not pain free.  No I was not sleeping.  It was the hardest thing I had ever done and the whole time I was thinking, if I move from this position I am going to totally lose it, LOL.  So yes, it hurt.  Terribly.   But, trust in yourself.  Look within and you'll find the strength.

post #12 of 13

Ha Ha, Bluebutterfly, that is so funny. I love that people look on your outward appearance and make decisions that are not accurate. With my youngest ds, dh and I were laughing and talking and calm, (as opposed to the woman next door that was screaming her head off) so the nurses kept peeking in and saying, "you're too happy, so nothing is happening" then dh ended up catching him. LOL, I've never seen a room fill with so many people so fast in my life. My poor Dr was pissed, I was going to be his very last delivery and he felt the nurses cost him that. Oh well he should have believed me when I told him to come back in an hour after he broke my waters. wink1.gif

post #13 of 13

Thank you for a good morning laugh, bluebutterfly and mrsteapot!  Those are some funny stories.

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