My husband and I have practiced attachment parenting with our high needs toddlers since she was born. We wore her all the time, co-slept with her, I breastfeed until 18 months. I felt like we had a good attachment until she reached 2 1/2. Now things are going hay wire. I've read every gentile discipline book I can get my hands on. She will through tantrums that are just out of this world. She will cry for hours over something as simple as changing or not changing her pants. I've tried respectful communication, getting down to her level repeating what she is telling me and then validating her. But this seems to only make her madder. She will whine and cry no matter what my answer is. We do have one or two good days where our communication is on track but the bad days are really bad. Our personalities just clash so much. I desperately want to find a way to get through to her. It seems like the only time she will listen to me is when I've been pushed to the limit and end up yelling at her with the anger of trapped dog. Then I feel so much guilt.
Any act of discipline no matter how small or large results in either ignoring me, laughing, or full blown tantrums. I need help in finding away to remain compassionate and gentile. Any suggestions are welcome.