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Multiple Baby Daddies??

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 

Just wondering how many of you, if any, have children with different fathers??

 

I have been reading a few studies recently and I have multiple baby daddies but I don't fit into the demographics of the standard woman who has such. I am white, early 30's, educated at a Masters level and employed full time. I have three children. One from my first marriage (ill advised and waaay too young at 22-her dad and I are friends now) and two from my second and I am pregnant with my partner's baby and we plan to have two more after this one and be done.

 

The funny thing is, I don't feel like it's abnormal. I feel like my children have all come to me how they were suppose to and I don't standardly have values that say you have to be with just one person and have children with only that person.

 

NOW, though, Fella and I are together and for the first time in BOTH of our lives as adults in relationships, neither of us can even visualize an end to our relationship... We both know in our cores that this is it...For the first time my babies are PLANNED, too...not just planned by me or planned to try to fix something, but planned because of mutal love and spiritual connection and the desire to produce evidence of that.

 

I knew at the end of my marriage that I was not done having children. my body knew it. But I never thought it would actually happen. When Fella and I got together and he asked me to have babies with him, that was another something among many somethings that made it concrete for me that a.) I should not feel ridiculue for having more than one baby daddy b.) this is what is meant to be.

 

I really think i am talking about two things, but they are related here so please, if my blathering is confusing, let me know where I need to fill in gaps. I am blaming pregnant brain already at 7w lol....

 

 

So any others? even if there are only two baby daddies... (I say baby daddies because I think it's funny, btw....)

 

Looking for a tribe of ladies I guess, who may have a similar worldview when it comes to making their babies and who they partner with.

 

Peace.

post #2 of 13

Rose, my two and this one are all from one daddy, but I never even thought of is as part of or not part of my worldview. Both my sisters have children with different partners. It was clearly what they felt was the best for them in their lives and the lives of their kids for it to be that way. And many, MANY of my dear friends have children with different partners. In my social group, I don't think of it as abnormal, either.

 

What were the studies you mentioned? Just curious, what made you seek out studies about it?

post #3 of 13
Thread Starter 

I'll pull links when I get home...wrapping up my work day right now...

 

What spurred me to look was the fact that my ex thinks I'm a whore and I knew that in some cultures it's totally the norm. He is the type who will trash talk me to our kids and I wanted evidence that not only is it OK, even though it isn't everyone's worldview, but it is actually normal in a lot of cultures...

 

Ill supply the study I refer to when I get home :-) Thanks fo r your reply!!

 

 

post #4 of 13

Hi Rosie- I do not have children yet- though my dh has a son who is 23.  We are a very happy family.  In my worldview we all just have to roll with the punches and life choices.  Every family has a different constellation and that is great and should be celebrated- kudos to you for doing what is best for your family and yourself!!

 

Cheers!

post #5 of 13

Well I have 4 children and one on the way. I don't tell a lot of people but they have different fathers. My first son I conceived in high school. Big shock to me. Not planned at all. I was with his father for about 4 years. Needless to say puppy love doesn't usually last forever. I then married my first husband and we had a son. I was still way too young though. Married at 20 with a pregnancy following immediately an by the time I was 21 the relationship was over. We stayed married for several years (6 to be exact) but lived completely separate lives. Different homes and everything. We just were kind of too lazy to get divorced and we were also more like best friends who tried to take it to another level but failed miserably at it. We just decided to go back to being friends. Staying married legally made it easier financially speaking so it just made sense to leave things the way they were even if we were not together. I started seeing my current husband at the age of 21 and we dated for 4 years before deciding it was time to take it to the next level. So I finally got divorced so that I could really start a life. My husband and I got married at the age of 25 and I am finally settled into life and I am actually old enough and mature enough to have a solid and lasting relationship. Finally found my soul mate. We jumped into children as soon as we were married and I guess it was an easy decision because we had dated so long and were both sure this was the real deal and going to work. When we first started getting serious it was hard to talk about children because I was already ashamed that I had 2 children by two different men. But it just became clear when I found him that if we decided to cross that road it was going to be the right things because it was different circumstances than my previous pregnancies. Of course we had one and just couldn't stop. We love our big happy family and he only refers to my children as his. He doesn't call them step children. It is not the ideal situation and I admit it is hard when I have to explain. Regardless of how it happened most tend to judge on the fact that it did happen. And I guess the fact that I sometimes feel uncomfortable with it just goes to show that it is not completely ok with me.

 

These types of things can be personal or not. I know plenty people with different fathers of their children and it does not bother them at all. They don't mind talking about it and it is natural to them.

 

It is very common for women to have different fathers of their children these days. Especially when women are having children at younger and younger ages. Most relationships we have in our teens and early 20's are not going to last no matter how much we think or hope they may. If your spouse or partner is ok with your situation then it is the perfect situation. Love and family are not bound by blood alone. A heart is a magnificent thing in it's ability to love the expected as well as unexpected. I am happy for you that you have found your ever after. Our children before the ever after are God's great blessings to keep us going along the way.

post #6 of 13

My first two children are from my first marriage (condom broke and we were married 4 months later). I should have never married him, or had a second child with him for that matter. But my girls are my everything and so they were worth every miserable married moment.

 

4+ years after leaving ex-DH, I'm remarried and pregnant with #3 from baby daddy #2.

 

I do have feelings of weirdness sometimes. I think it has more to do with this being my third child and DH's first.  

post #7 of 13
Thread Starter 

Yah see, I have three babies and this baby will be my Fella's first...and he is 5 years younger than me...but it is all so very right...right where I am meant to be and I see forever with him when I never have before. The first two times I was married I shouldn't have been...but I was and I have three lovlies because of it...

 

I'm glad to know I am not the only one :D

 

Hugs!

 

 

post #8 of 13

My oldest is from my first marriage and my youngest five (and the impending arrivals) are from my second and current marriage. 

 

However, its not something I am proud. I am not ashamed of it, but I definitely don't think its "OK" to choose to have children with multiple partners knowing you don't plan on staying with them. Not because of me, but because of the kids. Even though my XH and I are amicable, co-parent, each happily remarried and both have subsequent children with our new spouses, its not easy or fun for DS to be from a broken home. Sorry, JMO. 

post #9 of 13

Me and DH both have children from previous relationships, we were eachothers first loves and middle school-highschool sweethearts but ended up breaking up and he moved  to tn while i remained in mi. I ended up haveing my DD with my ex who aside from my daughter was the biggest mistake of my life, total creep just wanted our baby dead when he found out i was preg and then ended up just walking out all together (which ive been thankful for from the  day i had my daughter) and DH (current to clarify the one who was my first love) had his DD with his ex who ended up trying to take  there baby and in the middle of the night when she decided to leave him and then when she found out she would have to split custody she signed over her rights all together and he has soul custody now..

 

ANNNNYYYYWHOOO we ended up getting back in touch after all this and getting back together and are now  expecting a new little person of our own ^_^

while i wish we could have just had our children together, that  feeling is  really more about not wanting our ex's to be involved in anyway they are both not the most desirable characters and i would have rather edited them out lol BUT i do not feel bad for having a new family like it makes us bad people, i think our ex's were just a part of life we had to go through to get our wonderful daughters and now we are where we belong

 

i am however SICK TO DEATH of people making me feel bad about this i tell people i have two two year old girls and they go OHHHHHH TWWWIIIINNNSSSS!!! ^_^!!! then i explain the situation and there faces and energies completely change i dont see how people can be so cruel idk ive just never been one to judge peoples situations like that and i find it very disappointing

post #10 of 13

My 1st child is 5.5.  I intentionally conceived #2 in the middle of my divorce while I'm still married.  I'm not going to marry the daddy #2 because we don't want to be married to anyone ever again.

 

I know many people are going to freak out that (1) I'm having a baby at 41 (2) having a baby with my boyfriend (3) not ever going to get married again.

 

I will be so happy if I make it safely through the 1st trimester.  I will just laugh during the freak outs.

 

post #11 of 13
Thread Starter 

Yah see, my Fella and I haven't ruled out marriage, but it definitely isn't a priority for us. We are committed to one another and ahve made our vows to one another. If we marry it's not going to be because of our children. We made our baby on purpose and plan to make two more in the coming years. We have talked though and planned that soon-ish, I will change my last name to his.

 

There are a few freak outs, but nothing really worth getting my panties in a bunch about.

 

 

post #12 of 13

Hello , I noticed that now in days is very common to have multiple baby daddies , and rare that you find young women only kids from one partner whether married or just living together.  I don't know exactly the numbers statistically speaking , but I have noticed even before i had kids that many Hispanic women tend to have multiple baby daddies, which by the way i am Hispanic myself , especially when getting pregnant at a young age we tend to make a lot of bad choices when it comes to men. I personally have two baby daddies and it has it's ups & downs. Best thing that came out of a bad relationship was having my firstborn left baby daddy when i was 3 months into my pregnancy , I then decided that i would focus on my baby and put my needs on pause mode which was very hard for me being that i was very emotional and depressed during my whole pregnancy knowing that i didn't have a spouses support but i knew it was the better for him to grow up with a single parent than a bad father figure second decision was that i would start dating once my son was able to express & talk in a way that i could understand him and i made sure he knew all his body parts by the correct name that way he would tell me if anyone might mistreat him or harm him in any form,  Then met the man that was going to become my second baby daddy , was on birth control and got pregnant one thing that my father always told me was that if i was going to date i should look for a man that didn't have kids since i already had one , why because him having a child would either bring constant problems with the other parent or both our children. I never cared if the person whom i was dating had kids from previous relationships but i just got lucky. Having multiple baby daddies isn't rare anymore , i see it in many of my family members , friends , co-workers and different Ethnicities & cultures we sometimes just tend to focus on some more than others and tend to judge before we know the situation and the reasons of why we made the choices we made. Society tends to say that if we have multiple baby daddies we're most likely whores. Is not good to talk or stereotype people because you never know if you'll ever be in the same situation your criticizing.

post #13 of 13

Hello , I noticed that now in days is very common to have multiple baby daddies , and rare that you find young women only kids from one partner whether married or just living together.  I don't know exactly the numbers statistically speaking , but I have noticed even before i had kids that many Hispanic women tend to have multiple baby daddies, which by the way i am Hispanic myself , especially when getting pregnant at a young age we tend to make a lot of bad choices when it comes to men. I personally have two baby daddies and it has it's ups & downs. Best thing that came out of a bad relationship was having my firstborn left baby daddy when i was 3 months into my pregnancy , I then decided that i would focus on my baby and put my needs on pause mode which was very hard for me being that i was very emotional and depressed during my whole pregnancy knowing that i didn't have a spouses support but i knew it was the better for him to grow up with a single parent than a bad father figure second decision was that i would start dating once my son was able to express & talk in a way that i could understand him and i made sure he knew all his body parts by the correct name that way he would tell me if anyone might mistreat him or harm him in any form,  Then met the man that was going to become my second baby daddy , was on birth control and got pregnant one thing that my father always told me was that if i was going to date i should look for a man that didn't have kids since i already had one , why because him having a child would either bring constant problems with the other parent or both our children. I never cared if the person whom i was dating had kids from previous relationships but i just got lucky. Having multiple baby daddies isn't rare anymore , i see it in many of my family members , friends , co-workers and different Ethnicities & cultures we sometimes just tend to focus on some more than others and tend to judge before we know the situation and the reasons of why we made the choices we made. Society tends to say that if we have multiple baby daddies we're most likely whores. Is not good to talk or stereotype people because you never know if you'll ever be in the same situation your criticizing.

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