Positive Communication without Praise? I'm out of words and things to say!!! I always say you...

[Hymanroth]

I have an AWFUL habit of saying Good Job to my son. I'm a first time mom to a 5 month old boy. Obviously, everything he does is incredible to me! I'm always saying I love You and I lavish him with attention all day everyday ... I don't want to even say Good Job anymore ... but what do I say instead? I'm stuck!

[nstewart]

This is a hard habit to break!  And then even when you do break it you have to keep working on it! (or at least DH and I do, having grown up as part of the "Good Job" generation!)

One thing that we will do is just state the obvious.  For example, when DS started going up stairs by himself we would say "Wow, you climbed the stairs all by yourself!" or "You sure are getting good at climbing the stairs".  It's acknowledging the accomplishment without praising.  For things that aren't an accomplishment, we try not to say anything (for example, now that DS has had stairs mastered for some time I would never even acknowledge that he climbed them!)

Now we are starting to color and paint with DS.  We don't say "good job" or "Your drawing is so good!".  We'll say, "Mommy really had fun drawing with you.  Did you have fun too?"  Or something along those lines.

The other thing to think about is focusing on how DC's actions make others feel.  I think it's hard when they are so young because there is less "interaction" than with older kids, in the sense that if you ask "Do YOU like drawing?  Do YOU like your drawing?" you don't get much of a response.  But a lack of a response doesn't mean that it isn't still appropriate to ask your children questions.  At least then you are "engaging" them and not just "telling them", kwim?

[twinpossible]

I say "You're SO smart", "That is thoughtful", "I am SO proud of you", and "way to go!".

[Kindermama]

Talk about what you see the him doing and not about him. For instance: "Wow, look at you using your strong arms and legs to crawl! You really wanted to touch that toy, huh!?" instead if "GOOD BOY!!! You're such a good crawler!!"

Can you feel the difference!? I can 

[Sweetserene]

Observing what he is doing. I do that with my 5 month old son, and the elementary school kids that I teach.

"You are crawling!"

"You just reached for that toy!"

"You are wearing a very sparkly t-shirt!" N/A to babies, of course, but that's the pattern.

It's hard to do all the time, and I sometimes praise in a way that I don't really like. Of course, everything my baby does is brilliant and amazing and he is wonderful and clever! It's difficult not to tell him that all the time, but it's my style that I'd prefer not to.

Also, you can say "you worked really hard at that!" or "you tried so hard!", to acknowledge the effort.

[Jewels*]

I second (or third) what everyone else is saying about just stating the obvious and / or not saying anything.

I say a lot of:

"You did it!"

"Look at you ... grab the block... climb the stairs...use your fork!!"

[jeninejessica]

DD is only 7 weeks, but we've taken to stealing ideas from 'the help'

Tenley Harper is so brave! Tenley Harper is so strong! Tenley Harper is so smart! 

is so patient... is so quiet... etc etc. It's the same voice and it makes her giggle like crazy. I also tell her thank you sooo much. It'll change once she's actually doing 'stuff', but for right now I'm praising her for things like not crying for 5 minutes while I brush my teeth. You is brave! seems apt for her sitting in her swing all by herself for five minutes :)