Originally Posted by cookie_
My inlaws will be coming in the day the baby is born, so I feel like I'll need to be more protective of my space and one on one time with the new baby. What I really need from them is to help with my toddler, take care of meals and laundry the house etc, but what I'll probably get is them mostly wanting to hold the new baby. Luckily, they'll be staying at a hotel and not with us, but still.
Have your DH convey this information to them CLEARLY before then. After he does that, you need to make sure they understand what you need from them, and that what you need is NOT help with the new baby necessarily, but with everything else. Make up a chore list, and have it handy for not just them but anyone that comes by - post it on the fridge, and they can see clearly what needs to be done. And once the chores are taken care of, then you go take a shower while they get baby time. You can also plan a little time with your older child daily when they can take the baby (in another room), so long as they're respectful of the baby's need to nurse/responsive to baby's cues.
Like many of you, it sounds, I did too much too quickly with DS. Since I was in labor for so long (5 days), and DH only got 2 weeks off, he went back to work when DS was only a little over a week old. If he changes jobs again, chances are good that'll be what happens this time too. But this time I'm going to have support in place.
First thing I did was make it clear to my MW that I need her to treat me like a FTM when it comes to PP and baby care. My MW last time really dropped the ball and it got us in a lot of (medical) trouble. I'm not having a repeat of that. I need someone to hold my hand on the new baby thing. I'm also going to have at least 1, possibly 2 pp doulas coming in to help, and an IBCLC on stand-by.
I've already asked 1 set of grandparents (the ones that aren't in state) to come out in June to help. Not sure how long they'll be able to stay, but they're going to bring their 5th-wheeler down and park it nearby. They'll be here at least a week (unless g'ma retires before then, it's up in the air last I heard... then they may stay longer). I'm going to ask the other 2 sets of grandparents to make it a point to come down here on the weekends (they're both within an hour, but they all have jobs) and spend some time with DS, maybe on a rotating schedule with a few friends so he gets some time every week. I'm also going to ask them to hire a housekeeper to come in every week or 2 weeks for the 4th trimester. DH will be taking a sabbatical from school until July at the least, so he can handle the dishes, and the housekeeper can do the rest. I've thought about asking my grandmother to come down for a stay, but she won't leave her dog behind, and she's not welcome here.
DS has therapy every day during the week (5 hours/day), so that will be time I'll be able to have to myself with the baby while DH is at work. And if DH stays with the company he's with now, they've agreed to let him work remotely, so he'll be doing that regularly as well.
I'm going to have a mother's blessing instead of a "shower" (I didn't have anything last time), and have it be a "feed the freezer party" where everyone brings a freezer-ready dish. I'm also going to plan on having a case of hot cereal prepped (It's about 5-6 breakfasts worth per jar), so DH can dump in the crock pot, add water/milk and it'll be ready in the AM. I'm already stocking up on pre-made pastas from the refrigerator case, which DH can handle making, and I'm going to do some other stuff for the freezer also. I have 2 chest freezers downstairs, and I'm planning on filling 1 of them with pre-made food for pp. The other one will have our normal complement of frozen fruits, and raw meats. DH can follow simple directions for food prep, and between his paternity leave and his working remotely, I'm planning on leaving food prep up to him for the most part, for the first month. I'll have things like sausage and pancake mix on hand for DS' breakfast, and bread for sandwiches for lunch.
I'm still debating on placenta encapsulation. My MW will do it for me, but I feel a little weird about it. DS1's placenta was planted in the front yard. DS' is still in the freezer, but I want to plant it. I feel a little weird thinking about encapsulating this one when the other 2 will be planted. I know I had PPD with DS, but I suspect a LOT of that had to do with our BFing problems, and I know a good deal of it had to do with DS1, so I have no way of knowing what to expect this time.
And right now we're having our deck refinished so that it's child-safe. We've never been able to use our backyard with DS because the deck is just not safe (it's a 6 foot drop to the ground). So that'll be done in another week or so (if it stops raining). Then we'll be able to use our backyard this summer so DS won't be stuck inside just because I'm not up to packing 2 kids to the park/beach. And then DS will be in preschool starting around his 3rd birthday (in September).
As far as set-up, I haven't figured that out yet. I still don't know where this LO will be sleeping.