I've been lurking here on MDC for a long time, and I've seen you ladies give fantastic advice time and again. I think I need some help. I'll be changing a few minor details for anonymity.
Last year, I was working at a music store. I had a regular customer who I talked to frequently when he came in. I had a piece of equipment I was selling, and he said he'd buy it. This was all fine until he came to pick it up at my house. He came in the basement door (the amp was down there), and was looking at it while we were talking.
He starting coming closer to me while we were talking, so I kept inching away from him. He pushed me into a corner and kissed me hard on the mouth. I don't want to go into too many details here, but to summarize, I was raped.
I told no one. I didn't go to the hospital. I didn't go to the police. I just wanted to pretend it had never happened.
A few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. It had never crossed my mind to take a Plan B or something similar because I have pretty severe endometriosis and was under the impression that I would have great difficulty conceiving. I could not bring myself to have an abortion. If this was my one chance to have a baby, I was going to take it.
Anyway, fast forward. I have an absolutely beautiful, wonderful, silly little baby who I love more than anything on this Earth. He has not tried to contact me, and I've quit that job. However, I panic whenever I go out in public. I'm terrified of running into him. I don't want him to see something of himself in my child and want to be involved. I'm so so scared, and the absolute worse case scenario would be for him to have some sort of rights to her. Since as far as I know, he doesn't know I have a child, I almost feel like I don't want to risk trying anything for fear that he'll retaliate. For some reason I think he might be the kind of guy who would get all "that's my blood/family" about it and try to sue me for rights. This would be the worst possible outcome.
I talked to my lawyer, and she said it is too late to report the rape. She basically shrugged and said she has no idea what to do since if he fought me for rights, I would have an impossible time proving him unfit. There have also been a few public "false rape" cases in my area recently, and I would hate for me to get prosecuted for bringing it up.
I'm fairly certain he has a criminal record. He does drugs. He drinks, he smokes, he swears. He gets into knife fights. He raped me. He is NOT the kind of person I want to have access to my precious child. Looking back, I should have never let him into my house, but this is a decision I cannot change.
So, mamas, what would you do in my situation? I've been having nightmares and anxiety attacks and I just don't know what to do anymore Sorry for the wall of text, I just had to get this off my chest.