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I'm telling my story and asking for advice. (TRIGGER WARNING) :( - Page 2

post #21 of 28

All the advice here is good, but the only thing I have to add is to find out if the Rape Crisis Center runs a support group.  Many times other survivors can offer up better coping strategies than a counselor who hasn't been through it.


And I second the idea of finding yourself another counselor- there are low cost or sliding scale ones around- and see if you can find one who knows cognitive behavioral therapy- strategies to help you with your PTSD.  Hugs.

post #22 of 28

If you want a second opinion you could always call the police station and ask to speak to an officer and see how they handle reports. My state offers an informational report where they'll take the information down but it's just filed. Even outside of prosecution I would ask lawyers about what type of evidence the court accepts and whether there is any other way to document it in case you needed it (i.e., letter, polygraph, friends, etc.) The fact that you told some friends would probably help because you could call them as witnesses. Also could you get a copy of your file from the rape center just to prove you reported it to someone?


As a lot of the PPs said if you left him off the BC then he will have to go through the legal process of proving paternity and then will be responsible for cs. In my state it wouldn't include back support because it only starts when the request is filed.


Throwing this out there since you said you were in school and wanted to move. Is there somewhere you could move so that the likely hood of seeing him would be smaller (like campus housing)? Or is distance learning an option for next semester?

post #23 of 28

sucks, but i wouldn't report it and i'd probably move tomorrow if possible bag.gif

post #24 of 28
I agree completely with Jeannine's response. The likelihood of him going to the expense & trouble of filing paternity is slim to none. How can you get past your anxiety regarding the situation? I've had anxiety attacks & they're no fun, to say the least. I think, in your situation, I'd look for ways to alleviate my anxiety regarding the issue. I am always reminded to focus on "one day at a time" - the present - and not to telescope out into the future and worry about things that are beyond my control, and, not to worry about things that may or may not happen. Easier said than done, though.
post #25 of 28

I would make a report.  That being said though... what are the chances he'll figure it out? I mean, this guy really doesn't sound like an Einstein.  If, on the chance you were out and bumped in to him, and he saw your LO, and somehow sniffed out his genes... THEN I would start packing my boxes and bracing myself for a fight.  It sounds like you're really anxious about this and while I think you should take a couple of precautionary steps, it sounds like the pp's are really helping to work you up. 

post #26 of 28
I would just lie about your childs age, honestly. This is a horrible situation that no one should have to face and it absolutely sucks that there's not much you can do about it right now, but I think your best bet would just be to subtract or add a dew months to your childs age so that there's no way he could even hallucinate that she's his.
post #27 of 28

Oddly enough, a paternity test is not required for someone to establish paternity or be put on the birth certificate. How it's possible without establish paternity is beyond me, but a friend of mine had it happen to her first hand. A man she had been dating raped her and they conceived a child, now he's pushing for paternity; it's a mess. Unfortunately, she didn't report the rape and now deeply regrets it. As another commenter mentioned, it would look fishy if she reported it now. :-/ 



post #28 of 28

I would definitely suggest reporting the rape. In many states, if he doesn't pursue paternity within two years of the child's birth, he loses his right to be involved in the child's life. So, maybe that will work to your advantage, depending on the age of your child. Like you're already doing, I would avoid going to places you think he may be. As for the birth certificate, no man needs to be on it, actually. Unless your state requires it for some reason, which to me, is unheard of. I'm not an expert on all state laws, though. It sounds like you're already of the mindset that moving, one you're done with school, is the best option for you and your little one. Your story hits so close to home and my heart is breaking for you. Sending good and healing vibes your way. 

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