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Bm wants to take the skids over seas for 12 months - Page 2

post #21 of 31

THANK YOU!  I cringe each time I hear that bio mom remark. I would throw a fit if my xh ever referred to me in that manner.

post #22 of 31


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prin View Post

From her last text msg..   Stating that she would rather dh have zero contact and this is a way of doing it..

 

Yes, Bio mother isnt the smarted cookie. 


I can't see any judge allowing her to leave the country with them.  It might be good for y'all if she does go to court  so your dh can ask for more suitable visitation.  Im not a fan of 50/50 but i think your visits could only increase if she's allowing only 52 nights a year. 

 

I don't think the op meant anything disrespectful to the kids and if you look around this forum you will see biomom, bm and skids used- biomom/bm is used a lot and I see skids occasionally.  It's like nails on a chalk board to me and I feel instantly less sympathetic to the person using it just won't go away around here.  There is nothing extra offensive about this op and they were trying to work with the mom.  

 

 

post #23 of 31

The MOTHER of your step children will probably have a hard time taking them for a full year with no contact.  It does sound like she is the custodial parent if the children are only at your home 52 nights per year.  Depending on the judge and situation she may be able to get a court to allow her to take them for the school year.  I guess I'm reading it wrong she went from letting them live with their father ( and you) for a year then taking them for a year now wanting no contact for a year.  That sounds odd.  Maybe mediation would be in order between the childrens mother and father.

 

Your terms are offensive in this forum  

post #24 of 31

Bio-mom and birth-mom can be two different things in surrogacy.  I can't get my panties in a MDC knot over this.

 

Why is being a biomom bad?  Are they less people because they may or may not be parenting.

 

I am my kids bio, birth, and mom mom.  However, my best friend is just her kids mom because bio/birth mom gave them up. 

 

My dh is my son's dad but not bio or birth dad -that person abandoned him. My dh almost finds being call my son's step dad offensive. However, sometimes it is used to explain a blended family. 

 

What if the OP was the step mom but did all the mothering (just like my dh)?  I have cousins that were 6mths,2,4,6 when their biomom died.  They have great love for her but their mom was legally their stepmom. It is offensive to say that because she was a step she is less, and it is offensive to say that their biomom meant nothing - but the to younger ones have no relationship and don't feel their biomom was their mom, but she was/is important to them - but a different mothering status that should not be degraded because it is assumed biomom = less.

 

What about lesbian couples?  Or Gay couples? 

 

We had lesbian friends that birth-mom was not biomom.  Due to incompetent cervix the partner carried the egg. They were both the mom's but neither got offended when the situation needed explaining - medical and curiosity. 

 

Don't be insecure with a true title.....in blended parenting sometimes more precise language is needed.  And being biomom should never be or become an offensive title because you are making biomom's less of people and something dirty and wrong. 

 

OP....I know you didn't know about skids...but typically it is derogatory.  Many of us step kids see it as the step parents making us less or different from the biological sets. 

 

OP...unless your dh is a bad parent judges typically do not allow overseas travel without some sort of security that the parent will come back (ie, military moves).  They will question visitation and communication.  Keep any messages, especially things like no skyping.  This shows purposeful effort to cut dad out of their life.  I think the ex and your dh is wrong about child tax credits and the such. 

post #25 of 31

No. As an adoptee and a divorced mother whose kids have a step mom I disagree and will get on a soap box about it.  No No NO.  A birth mom or bio mom is not the right word for what I am. I am my kids mom just because my xpos got remarried does not change what I am. I am MOM. She is the one with the ammended title- STEP MOM.

I will most likely be a STEP MOM Someday- and I will never refer to her mother as BIO MOM

post #26 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom31 View Post

No. As an adoptee and a divorced mother whose kids have a step mom I disagree and will get on a soap box about it.  No No NO.  A birth mom or bio mom is not the right word for what I am. I am my kids mom just because my xpos got remarried does not change what I am. I am MOM. She is the one with the ammended title- STEP MOM.

I will most likely be a STEP MOM Someday- and I will never refer to her mother as BIO MOM



 

This.

 

There is no person new to a child's life that is so important as to amend the title of Mom. Amending that title with that descriptor implies the mother has an equivalent with another descriptor. She doesn't, and it's offensive to many to suggest that she does.

 

 

post #27 of 31

Can't someone create a sticky or something for this issue so that when it comes up again (as it inevitably does), someone can just link to the sticky? 

 

Then posters can move on to discussing the point actually at issue without boring everyone by further flagellating the dry, dessicated remains of an extremely dead horse.

 

OP -- good luck.  Do you have counsel?

post #28 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeannine View Post


Come on, people!  She has to adopt everyone else's abbreviations immediately?  She's new and a woman of few words.  I assumed skids meant step-kids.  Didn't you?  And she's far from the first person on here to distinguish herself from the kids' actual mother by calling her biomom - or bm.  

 

I figured OP meant step-kids and I didn't think twice about her refering to the mom as BM. I am distrurbed how many members are "bashing" her first attempt to use this forum, when she is new member and maybe new to the forum community and just isn't familiar with the PC acronyms to use.

 

I've been on various forums for 10+ years, but am new to parenting forums. There are so many acronyms used on this site that I have to guess what they mean, ask someone or try to look it up.

 

In regards to original post, one of my good friends took their kids over-seas (military assignment) and it was court-ordered they pay for the kids to come back home for a 3 week visit during the year they are gone. I would guess a judge isn't going to let the mom take the kids over-seas with no contact for 12 months, unless there is a custody issue.

post #29 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by zebu View Post


 so right!

 

When I read the reply about how moms are technically bio-moms after all, I'm like, yeah, but when I pick up my kid from preschool, he doesn't yell, 'bio mom! Bio mom!!' as he's running for me.

 

And I won't accept "skids" as an innocent, oh I didn't know how that sounded, abbreviation.    That abbreviation doesn't need an explanation as to why it is offensive. It is meant to be offensive.  

 

And even if i had major issues with my step kids, I can't imagine disrespecting my partner in that way. He would be so hurt and angry if anyone referred to his children like that. 

Yes, fine.  In my family it is the same.  I would never feel comfortable using that term, neither would my DH.  but different families have different senses of humor.  Different people have a different grasp of the language, too.  Do we know for sure Prin is a native English speaker?

 

I'm just saying - explain why most MDC members use or don't use certain terms.  Just don't assume someone's kids shouldn't be around their Dad because his wife uses terminology you don't like.
 

 

post #30 of 31

I assumed the best, until OP kept using the term (multiple times) even after being told it was offensive

post #31 of 31

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prin View Post

Bio Mother, is wanting DH to have zero contact for the 12 months no skype no phone contact.

 

She is wanting to serve him with court when she gets home.  With I want to take the kids over seas to some country for 12 months at some time after 2014...   

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppyMama View Post

Unless your dh is bad enough to lose all custody your dsc mother will not get  a judge to order that.

 

What make you think she is demanding no phone/skype.  If he has visitation now it just doesn't seem rational.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prin View Post

From her last text msg..   Stating that she would rather dh have zero contact and this is a way of doing it..

 

Yes, Bio mother isnt the smarted cookie. 

 

#1 - MAKE SURE you preserve those text messages, for court!!  Photograph them.  Print them out.  Write down the date and time your DH received them and subpoena certified copies of them from the cell phone provider, before court.  If your DH uses a "go phone", he may believe there are no records.  But there probably are.  He can probably get them with a subpoena and it probably must be within one year of when the message was sent.

 

The problem, if your DH has the kids just under 15% of the time, is a judge might say the kids are accustomed to spending so much time with Mom that it's in their best interest not to be separated from her for a year...especially if she has no plans (and perhaps no funds) for international visits.

 

It is critically important to be able to prove:

- Your DH's parenting time isn't so slim due to indifference on his part.  He wants more time.

- Mom places so little value on the girls' relationship with him that she wants to cut off contact completely.

- A year abroad is part of her plan to terminate contact.

 

If your DH is able to show those things in court (if Mom proves before she even goes that she won't facilitate contact or visits while the kids are gone), then no decent judge should let her take them.  And if a judge does, it would be worth appealing.

 

#2 - If you and your DH live close enough to Mom that the girls could live with you and not change schools, then most likely a judge would say it's in the girls' best interest to stay here with you guys.  American family court judges tend to frown more on "uprooting" children than they smile on the wonders of immersion in a foreign culture.  Especially if Mom won't be gone forever.

 

#3 - Are you in the States?

 

#4 - Was Mom saying she wants to cut off contact forever and that the year abroad would be a good time to start?  That's what I took, from what you wrote.
 

 

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