Age appropriate response when 3 yo asks "how does the baby get in mama's belly?"...GAHHHHH!

[crayfishgirl]

HI Mama's

While driving home yesterday my nearly 3 yo asked how a baby gets in mama's belly.  I was completely at a loss of what to tell her, and just said through her vagina...her girl parts.  She pushed for more details but then my 10 month old started crying and she was distracted by that.  She knows the correct terms for male and female sex organs, and I want to be honest with her.  However, I'm not sure how much information is too much.  I want to be ready when this comes up again....age-appropriate suggestions please!!!

[Imakcerka]

What do you think she'll understand?

[sere234]

When 2 people love each other they make a baby with their penis and vagina??? OMG, I never thought about saying those words to my DS....  Seems really weird to imagine.

I think it is better to be honest, though perhaps not giving more details than your DD would understand. You'd probably rather she hear it from you than a little friend in a few years.

Good luck, I have no real answers as I've not BTDT.

[crystal_buffaloe]

This post by Lauren from Hobo Mama is about preparing a child for a new sibling, but I think a lot of the ideas would work for your situation. It has a good list of book recommendations that talk about pregnancy, conception, and birth.



Edited for typos! Sorry!
Edited by crystal_buffaloe - 1/22/12 at 9:18pm

[dealic]

I know I asked (and got answers to) those questions at 2. Here is I think what I was told:

Mommy and Daddy have sex and that puts a baby in Mommy's belly. (if questioned about what sex is: Sex is when Daddy puts his penis in Mommy's vagina.)

or

Daddy puts his penis in Mommy's vagina and that puts a baby in Mommy's belly.

I don't remember which, but I think it was the second one. Either reflect the way my mom handled it. I also knew at that age that the baby came out through Mommy's vagina too. Its certain I was 2 because she had a friend in labour and I proudly shared this knowlege with a waiting room full of people at the hospital.

[Katielady]

I went with, "When Daddy and Mama decide they are ready to have a baby, the baby starts growing in the mama's tummy." That satisfied my then 3yo, and he hasn't asked another question about it since. I think it's good to start with as little information as possible, and then add more as the kid asks more questions.

[dogmom327]

I went with "daddy put it there" and he didn't push for details. I figure that bought me a few months tops. I have no doubt by this summer my 4 (almost 5) year old will be very well informed. But my goal is to only give as much info as needed to satisfy him at the moment. He loves to ask questions so I know he'll want details soon enough.

[Daffodil]

I don't think you have to worry about giving "too much" information.  It's not as if any of the basic information about sex is harmful for young kids to know.  It's possible that you might tell her more than she can understand or more than she's interested in, but that wouldn't be a big deal.  I told my kids something along these lines:  The baby grows from an egg.  The mom's body makes eggs, and the dad's body makes sperm, and when an egg and a sperm meet up, they join together and start growing into a baby.  The sperm come out of the dad's penis, and he puts his penis into the mom's vagina so the sperm can swim up inside her body and find the egg.  That's called "having sex" or "making love."  When animals do it, it's called "mating."

[Love]

I dont think too much information should be worried about or if it is appropriate or not i think it is all appropriate my biggest concern though is the comprehension of specific details. For example i personally would say that all women have eggs in their tummies and when sperm meets the egg a baby grows. I would say that because it is true but also because even though they cant fully comprehend probably its enough to satisfy their curiosity and not information that could potentially cause trouble. I dont think there is anything wrong with saying that it gets there when you put a penis in a vagina because that is true also but then you have told them something they can easily understand but cant understand the emotion situation and timing of... Which leads to a potential conflict of i want a baby in my tummy and very clearly understanding boys have penis she has a vagina as far as a youngin is concerned thats all e further understanding or planning needed. I know that sounds kind of ridiculous but i have a male friend who very innocently experienced sex when he was 6 years old because of a misunderstanding on he and the little girls part because all they understood was penis and vagina rather then the rammifications responsibility and a true understanding.

And then beyond that point i would not know a positive way to explain to em. I mean one could say sex is bad dont do it but that isnt true and that would create conflict later in life. You could say older but then there is confusion about how old. You could say when two people love eachother but a young child isnt capable of understanding the type of love you are talking about. Its really tough stuff to try to effectively teach about this subject in fact all this thought overwhelms me and makes my brain hurt.

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[SunRise]

When my son was little, I explained how a dad has sperm, the mom has an egg and when they meet it begins the cycle of a baby being created I gave other information and details but  I left out how the sperm got into the mom. This satisfied him and was true information. Now my son is 9 and he has a vague recollection but I suspect when he wants to know more and when we get to that kind of discussion the foundation of baby creating will be there.

[dejagerw]

When my 3 year old asked, I told him that God put the baby in there. Satisfied him.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Katielady 

I went with, "When Daddy and Mama decide they are ready to have a baby, the baby starts growing in the mama's tummy." That satisfied my then 3yo, and he hasn't asked another question about it since

but that's not true.

I think going with as little information as satisfies the child is fine, as long it is actual information and not just lies.

After I got the words "the penis goes in the vagina" out of my mouth one time, it got easier.

I got evasive answers as a child and I quickly learned that my mother wasn't comfortable with this subject, so if I wanted any real information, my peers were my only option.

There's no honest answer about how a baby gets inside a mommy without getting over our own issues with penises and vaginas. Our kids don't have these issues. This isn't a charged subject for them. It's just information.

[crayfishgirl]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

but that's not true.

I think going with as little information as satisfies the child is fine, as long it is actual information and not just lies.

After I got the words "the penis goes in the vagina" out of my mouth one time, it got easier.

I got evasive answers as a child and I quickly learned that my mother wasn't comfortable with this subject, so if I wanted any real information, my peers were my only option.

There's no honest answer about how a baby gets inside a mommy without getting over our own issues with penises and vaginas. Our kids don't have these issues. This isn't a charged subject for them. It's just information.

I need to get over the "the penis goes in the vagina" statement because I had a similar experience growing up and talking about sex with my parents (in that there was no talking....just don't so it!!).  I didn't even have a conversation about it with my parents...they gave me a book when I was 7 or so.  I do not want my daughter (or her brother) going eslewhere for information. 

Being truthful is paramount, and in that vein I think I will start with mama's egg and daddy's sperm meeting, and give more detail as requested.  I think the real issue is that we're still at the point of reminding her what orifices you can put things into...especially in the bath....and penis in vagina details complicates that. 

I appreciate these responses mamas!

[andromedajulie]

I don't think information is dangerous. However, I don't think most 3 year olds think things through too far, and you can skip steps, as described by some pps. I would not, however, give incorrect information.

DD1 was 8 when I got pregnant with her sister. She already knew about sex, but of course didn't really think it applied to her real life... until she asked about the pregnancy, and I reviewed it, and (look of horror) "oh my god, you DID THAT???????"