Weekly Chat Jan22-28 !!!!! - Page 5 « Back to Group Discussions

[forestmushroom]

Meredith, that is totally how we are... paycheck to paycheck, and our tax return is our 'savings.'  I think a lot of people get by that way!  I think our health care system stinks!  if two working parents with health insurance are still in a tough spot like this. 

Onemoreontheway, yes I did tell them that we are expecting... but just via email, so I haven't actually spoken with them.  She keeps emailing me all these questions (some rude, some okay) so I figured I would just call and answer her questions--or at least the nonrude ones.  I think I will say the EDD is June, and not May, though.  I feel terrible lying.  But I don't know what else to do... it is just an estimate, right ? 

[MeredithA]

Originally Posted by forestmushroom 
 I think I will say the EDD is June, and not May, though.  I feel terrible lying.  But I don't know what else to do... it is just an estimate, right ? 

Yep, it is just an estimate, so I wouldn't feel too bad telling her June - especially if it means that you can get some peace and rest right after baby is born. You don't need the stress of having company right after having your 5th baby. If telling her June is what is best for you and your kids, I say go for it! :-) 

[casmer]

Meredith - is there anyway you could take out a loan with a credit union?  Seems like the interest rate would be lower than a credit card.  You could also look at it as a credit-building opportunity.  If I really liked my midwives, that's what I would do rather than going a completely different route mid-pregnancy.  I'm not sure how much you had left to owe them, but if it was the $2500 you thought you were getting back, that's not a huge loan.  Just my 2-cents :)

[janellody]

I think a loan might be a good idea, too, but then again I am basing that on my opinion that you should get a midwife if that's what you wanted!  If the bill is $2500, are they willing to take payments on that amount after the birth?  I didn't know how I was going to pay when I couldn't see to get insurance, and just figured I would make payments to the hospital if worse came to worse....

I just hope you are comfortable with what happens.  I would hate for you to go to UC just because of a money issue :(  I hate our system!!!!!!!!!

[MeredithA]

Yes, I am sure I could get a loan. My credit is excellent because I always make my payments on time. Now Hubby is saying that if we decide not to UC, we should just plan a hospital birth for these reasons: 

(1) homebirth midwives are illegal here in Georgia (crazy, right??!), so their fee of $2500 would have to be paid cash and not count toward our deductible (although after the birth we could file with the insurance company and hope that they cover it, but it is not a guarantee) 

(2) If we got a $2500 loan to pay the midwives and ended up transferring to the hospital for whatever reason/complication, we would be charged $4000 (deductible) and have to pay that PLUS our $2500 loan = $6500 total!

So, his thought is, if we are going to apply for a loan and pay it off, why not just plan for the $4000 loan instead of risk a $6500 debt. The fact that we have had so many ultrasounds that showed problems (the latest one being that the limbs are all very short - in the less than 3rd percentile, and the doctor said that is a risk for dwarfism, ugh) makes him worry that we are more likely to have to transfer. 

My reasons for not wanting a hospital birth are just....I don't want a hospital birth!! I've had 2 hospital births (one with epidural, one unmedicated) and I just don't want to do it again!!! And I really don't want to take out a loan to do something I don't want to do, YK? Plus I don't feel like I would transfer if I had a midwife assisted HB, but DH keeps saying "you never know". Rrrrr. 

We will meet with our midwives on Wednesday for our appointment, pay them what we owe so far, and ask advice on where to go from here. I'm sure DH and i will be going back and forth bickering about the situation all next week and hopefully we'll come to a decision we are all peaceful with. 

[rozziemama]

Meredith I'm so sorry you're dealing with this stress, and I'm so sorry for all of us who live in a country where homebirth midwives can be illegal :(. 

Are there any compromises between the two like a birth center that your insurance would cover? I don't know if that would help at all in case of hospital transfer though... But I think you have a healthy baby in there :)

Originally Posted by MeredithA 

Yes, I am sure I could get a loan. My credit is excellent because I always make my payments on time. Now Hubby is saying that if we decide not to UC, we should just plan a hospital birth for these reasons: 

(1) homebirth midwives are illegal here in Georgia (crazy, right??!), so their fee of $2500 would have to be paid cash and not count toward our deductible (although after the birth we could file with the insurance company and hope that they cover it, but it is not a guarantee) 

(2) If we got a $2500 loan to pay the midwives and ended up transferring to the hospital for whatever reason/complication, we would be charged $4000 (deductible) and have to pay that PLUS our $2500 loan = $6500 total!

So, his thought is, if we are going to apply for a loan and pay it off, why not just plan for the $4000 loan instead of risk a $6500 debt. The fact that we have had so many ultrasounds that showed problems (the latest one being that the limbs are all very short - in the less than 3rd percentile, and the doctor said that is a risk for dwarfism, ugh) makes him worry that we are more likely to have to transfer. 

My reasons for not wanting a hospital birth are just....I don't want a hospital birth!! I've had 2 hospital births (one with epidural, one unmedicated) and I just don't want to do it again!!! And I really don't want to take out a loan to do something I don't want to do, YK? Plus I don't feel like I would transfer if I had a midwife assisted HB, but DH keeps saying "you never know". Rrrrr. 

We will meet with our midwives on Wednesday for our appointment, pay them what we owe so far, and ask advice on where to go from here. I'm sure DH and i will be going back and forth bickering about the situation all next week and hopefully we'll come to a decision we are all peaceful with. 

[CorgiMommy]

Hi ladies, good to see you all here.

Yes the difficult decisions to make financially is really tiring and draining.  We are also in a bit of a mess since MIL and FIL had to move in with us as they have been cleaned out by brother IL!  So extra everything and not a little of it!  Also had some bad luck with our cars and house that cost a lot of money.

Have a detailed anatomy scan next week that is going to cost a fortune but Medical aid will pay us back.  Stressful is not the word.

[BubbleMa]

Originally Posted by MeredithA 

Yes, I am sure I could get a loan. My credit is excellent because I always make my payments on time. Now Hubby is saying that if we decide not to UC, we should just plan a hospital birth for these reasons: 

(1) homebirth midwives are illegal here in Georgia (crazy, right??!), so their fee of $2500 would have to be paid cash and not count toward our deductible (although after the birth we could file with the insurance company and hope that they cover it, but it is not a guarantee) 

(2) If we got a $2500 loan to pay the midwives and ended up transferring to the hospital for whatever reason/complication, we would be charged $4000 (deductible) and have to pay that PLUS our $2500 loan = $6500 total!

So, his thought is, if we are going to apply for a loan and pay it off, why not just plan for the $4000 loan instead of risk a $6500 debt. The fact that we have had so many ultrasounds that showed problems (the latest one being that the limbs are all very short - in the less than 3rd percentile, and the doctor said that is a risk for dwarfism, ugh) makes him worry that we are more likely to have to transfer. 

My reasons for not wanting a hospital birth are just....I don't want a hospital birth!! I've had 2 hospital births (one with epidural, one unmedicated) and I just don't want to do it again!!! And I really don't want to take out a loan to do something I don't want to do, YK? Plus I don't feel like I would transfer if I had a midwife assisted HB, but DH keeps saying "you never know". Rrrrr. 

We will meet with our midwives on Wednesday for our appointment, pay them what we owe so far, and ask advice on where to go from here. I'm sure DH and i will be going back and forth bickering about the situation all next week and hopefully we'll come to a decision we are all peaceful with. 

Now it's dwarfism?!  Sorry, but it seems crazy to me that every time they tell you some different scary thing.  :(  That must be so stressful.  I don't know what I'd do in your situation.  :(  I think talking to the midwives about it will help a lot.  They always seem to have the right answers.  They always make me feel better anyway. :)  If you need anything let me know!

Originally Posted by CorgiMommy 

Hi ladies, good to see you all here.

Yes the difficult decisions to make financially is really tiring and draining.  We are also in a bit of a mess since MIL and FIL had to move in with us as they have been cleaned out by brother IL!  So extra everything and not a little of it!  Also had some bad luck with our cars and house that cost a lot of money.

Have a detailed anatomy scan next week that is going to cost a fortune but Medical aid will pay us back.  Stressful is not the word.

Finances are so stressful!  And it always seems like everything bad happens at once!  I hope things turn around for you soon.

[hollyann]

Meredith, I'm sorry that you are having to go through this, its so stressful! Maybe talk to your midwives and see if they work with any OBGYN at the hospital, and if you could give birth there, but attended by your midwives.  Or alternatively, maybe you could find a hospital that also has a midwife attended practice, that way you could have the hospital facility available if for some reason the little one needs to be looked at, but still have more holistic care.  The other alternative could be a Birth Center where the midwives have hospital privileges, in that case they would continue to care for you even if you were transferred (during labor or after the birth) but unfortunately, many free standing birth centers might transfer your care to a hospital even before the birth if they know there are potential risks.  Defiantly talk with your midwives first, they might have some ideas of how to find a balance.

[hollyann]

Forestmushroom, I'm also wondering how to tell my mom I want her to come later, I'm happy for her to come to visit for a short time after the birth for 3-4 days, but she wants to come to the birth and stay for a week.  She is very sweet, but has a really high and somewhat nervous energy level that can cause me to feel stressed or judged. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but at the same time I don't want to feel extra stress.
 

Originally Posted by forestmushroom 

Poor kitty. That is so hard right now, especially!  Hang in there...

Ugh, I have like 3 more hours of work to do this weekend and I am so not into it... I want to just clean and organize my house and bake cookies. Not work.  Sorry, I am having a pity pouty party! 

I also have to call my parents this weekend and I am so not looking forward to it... I don't mind talking to my dad, but my mom stresses me out!  I know she will want to come and "help" when the baby is born, but she doesn't respect my boundaries and has some personality issues that are hard to deal with with pregnancy hormones!  I don't even want to tell them the EDD, and just lie and say it is in June... but then I feel terrible for lying!  But this is my 5th time doing this, and it always plays out the same.  She expects a level of hospitality I can barely provide with 4 kids and working at home--let alone with a newborn 5th child!!!!!!!!!!!  And the exhaustion of everything. 

She is emotionally abusive and just difficult to handle.... and I don't want to deal with that or the threat of that while having a baby.  I was so stressed out when my last little guy was born, and 95 per cent of it was caused by my mother. 

I realize she has issues, and try to forgive her, but really just don't want to have to take the higher road this time... I just want some space and peace.  Now how to convey that to her?! 

Ugh.... Sorry for the vent, I just can't expect any empathy or ability to see it from my perspective from her, but at the same time I do love her and don't want to hurt her......

Poop.

[persephassa]

i want my mom to come, but i told her to come a week or two after the due date. hopefully baby will be born on time (or early) & not super late! i want to be by ourselves after the birth, for a bit, but it will be nice to have her come visit and help us out. maybe suggest to her coming a few weeks later so she doesn't miss seeing baby entirely? i have a friend whose mom came at the due date and stayed for a week and the baby came after she'd left. so that was sad.

[forestmushroom]

Originally Posted by persephassa 

i want my mom to come, but i told her to come a week or two after the due date. hopefully baby will be born on time (or early) & not super late! i want to be by ourselves after the birth, for a bit, but it will be nice to have her come visit and help us out. maybe suggest to her coming a few weeks later so she doesn't miss seeing baby entirely? i have a friend whose mom came at the due date and stayed for a week and the baby came after she'd left. so that was sad.

I wish I could be this honest and it would work.  This is what I did with my last baby--I asked that they come 2 weeks after the due date. 

They totally disregarded this and came 2 weeks before!  And stayed for waaaay too long.  My mom ended up freaking out and behaving badly...

Yeah.  That was special.  I don't even want the possibility of that happening this time!  Plus I think babies just get cooler the older they get... so at 3/4 weeks, that should be alright...

[BubbleMa]

Originally Posted by forestmushroom 

I wish I could be this honest and it would work.  This is what I did with my last baby--I asked that they come 2 weeks after the due date. 

They totally disregarded this and came 2 weeks before!  And stayed for waaaay too long.  My mom ended up freaking out and behaving badly...

Yeah.  That was special.  I don't even want the possibility of that happening this time!  Plus I think babies just get cooler the older they get... so at 3/4 weeks, that should be alright...

Oh no!  That's terrible!  :(  I don't know what I'd do in that situation.