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How did you reach the stage of being ready to TTC?

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 

Just wondering how everyone here who is TTC arrived at the point where you felt ready to start trying for a baby? What things did you think about before knowing you were ready? Did you make a 'to-do' type list or plan of things to accomplish before starting to try? Or anything else?

 

How did you know you were ready? Ofcourse no one is totally ready and there's never a 'perfect' time, but what things mattered to you in order to be ready enough for this step in your life?

post #2 of 16

I had always wondered about this too before my husband and I started TTC.

I had asked people about list making and "to do" lists too.. Before I realised that children were a big part of my to do list! ha ha!

For me it just feels like a natural pull towards wanting to have children.

 

As for things I wanted to accomplish before having them?

I wanted to have my own car (we were sharing one) and I wanted to have been at my job long enough to secure some sort of maternity leave!

Thats about it!!

Interested to see what others say haha!!

post #3 of 16

I always knew I wanted to be a mother, mostly because I wanted to be a better mother than my mom, so I graduated highschool early and graduated college in less than 3 years than we started TTC, three months later we got pregnant with our first babe.

 

This year will be our 6th year together and 4th year married and we are talking about TTC #2, which is completely different than TTC our daughter, mostly because our conversations revolve around finances. But for now we are taking an open approach and seeing what happens.

post #4 of 16

It took a while for me to be ready to TTC for another (I have one DS), but this article totally sealed the deal for me...

 

http://therumpus.net/2011/04/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/

 

I have recommended it to so many people - I hope you enjoy it and it gives you some clarity either way :) 

post #5 of 16

I tried for over 3 years and experienced a miscarriage before finally getting pregnant with my daughter.  THEN I had severe preeclampsia, which led to a very traumatic induction of labor, and my daughter was born at 33 weeks gestation, in the operating room.  My daughter will be 4 in March, and I have only just now gotten over the fear of trying again.  

 

What is on my list:

Find a hospital I love with a Level IIIC NICU just in case of another emergency.  (We have moved since my daughter was born)

Seek out advice of a midwife - What I really want is a natural home birth - But I do know it may not be in my reality.  So I am going to research to try and make a hospital experience more enjoyable than the traumatic experience it was the first time - Because this time, I'll be ready.  

Use the care of a perinatologist (Maternal-Fetal Specialist) instead of a regular OBGYN for my prenatal care.

Make sure I have a good support team around me in case of emergency to take care of my daughter if I have to be on bedrest or in the hospital for an extended period of time

Draw up a will and advance directive

Take my blood pressure daily, three times per day

Pray like hell  

 

 

 

 

post #6 of 16

This is going to sound absolutely crazy- but I wanted to have a baby since I was 16 years old. I got married at 18, my 21st birthday is in a couple of weeks and we are trying now. I just have this feeling in my stomach that tells me that I want a baby more than anything else. My husband was not ready before. It was so hard for me to wait. I get teary every time I see a pregnant women, or a little baby. I spend as much time as possible with my nieces and nephews to compensate :) 

To me, it was never really a questions of things I wanted to do before I had a baby. I always just wanted to be a mom. However, my husband wanted to graduate College and buy a house and two reliable cars first. So it is really different for everyone. 

post #7 of 16

this is a subject really close to my heart since I've been waiting years for my husband to be ready to start trying. we celebrated our 10th anniversary in June and are 29 (me) and 32 (him). In the beginning it was always an issue of finances...car payment, credit card debt and both laid off from our jobs...so it was really out of the question! then DH enrolled in grad school, but on the way to his first class he was in a motorcycle accident that resulted in the amputation of his leg.

 

for the last two and a half years we have been adjusting to that little "twist". I became desperate to have a baby...his accident made me feel like no matter how many plans we make they can all be destroyed in the blink of an eye so we shouldn't wait to do the things we really want to do! i have always wanted to be a mom more than anything else.

 

unfortunately DH did not feel the same way. at first i tried to be understanding about it since he did have a damn good reason to want to wait...but after a year i started to get impatient...everyone i knew was getting pregnant! we were doing better financially and I just didn't want to wait any longer. we fought about it A LOT for almost a year until i realized that if i destroyed our relationship over this I wouldn't get a baby anyway. and i love him too much to make him do something he doesn't want to do.

 

so i lightened up and told myself it would all happen in time... and suddenly he decided he was ready! funny how men do that...

we've been trying for three months now! Even though we are both still nervous about parenting, especially with the extra difficulties due to his disability, I feel confident that we started trying at exactly the right time. I feel like the finances are important, but not as important as both people being on the same page about it.

post #8 of 16

DH and I married when I was in my early 20s. I was always very academic and career focused and didn't know if I wanted kids at all. I'd never been a "kid person". Also, our finances during that time were challenged and we were moving around for jobs frequently.

 

On my 27th bday it was like a switch flipped in my brain. I suddenly wanted a baby YESTERDAY already. Even though our home/money situation wasn't ideal. I do research and analysis for a living and there was none of that! It was pure emotions. DH was not feeling similarly, to say the least. Another decade of childless-ness was his preference. Luckily DH's job situation stabilized about 8 months later and he was persuaded by my ticking bio-clock argument. We started trying soon thereafter. #2 was a surprise at an incredibly inconvenient time, job-wise. It was rough but we survived, which really drove home the lesson that planning really isn't that important. Life works itself out.

 

I'm TTC #3 now.

post #9 of 16

I didn't actually want any kids until recently (within the last year or two).   I decided that it would be best to wait until hubby got out of he military.  However I started researching, and despite the fact that he's still in, it 'feels' like the right time now.  I'll be 32 at the end of next month, so with that and with the military healthcare benefits, I decided that now is as good of a time as any.  Next year we'll be moving back to his hometown, he'll take over his grandmother's business, and I can work, or stay home with the baby (assuming we're successful in conceiving).

post #10 of 16

i think i'd been ready in some ways for years -- but what did it for sure was my guy and me deciding, finally, after over a decade together, that we were moving to south america. so, that was quite a leap for us, especially him since he didn't speak any spanish at first. ;) i think that gave me the sense of commitment and security i was unconsciously looking for (we aren't married, nor are there plans to get married) and i got pregnant 3 months after arriving. thank goodness! since i'm almost in my mid-30s and we both want a big family. we're very open to adopting, but definitely want some biological kids too. it's much much cheaper to raise kids well here, unlike the u.s., so the main consideration for us is really how are we as a couple - if we're good and feel stable and connected, then we feel ready for more.

 

we're fairly non-traditional though, so we didn't even consider money, insurance (almost no one has health insurance here), housing (we co-sleep anyhow ;) ), etc. i think what helped a lot, of course, is that we're older parents, though that sounds so funny to write... but yeah, we had a LOT of time to do all kinds of crazy stuff and now we feel, generally!, much more confident that we'll be good parents.

 

 

post #11 of 16

My husband and I had been married a good twelve years before I was ready to try. He has always wanted kids and I've never been a 'kid' person. We agreed that the finances had to be in order and he had to be out of grad school and working before we had a baby. We did the math and decided October 2009 was the time to start, with a projected graduation for him of summer 2010. Well, we got pregnant within 2-3 months of starting, so he ended up defending his dissertation only about 4 weeks before our son was born in Sept 2010! I am so glad we planned it and waited, there is no perfect time, but there's better and worse for sure. Money is something to have in order before you introduce the sleepless chaos that is a new baby.

post #12 of 16

I think I posted a thread like this some years ago. :)

 

My husband and I are celebrating our 10 year anniversary in a few months and we were never sure if we wanted kids. It wasn't an issue of finances or a to-do list - we just didn't have a feeling that we really wanted children. The desire would come and go but I never felt it was strong enough to warrant beginning a family.

 

The funny thing is that I started grad school almost two years ago and suddenly wanted kids within about 6 months of starting. Talk about timing! Grad school is so so busy that at times I would forget this urge but at breaks it would always come back. I'll be done in June and my husband and I decided to start trying last month. I'm in the 2ww now. Of course, the timing is never perfect. Instead of going out and getting a job right away like my colleagues, I'll hopefully be taking some time off to have a child. But I'm 34 years old and I think that this take precedence biologically. I have many years still to build my career and only a finite window of time to have healthy children.

 

So, that's my story! My decision was based fully on whether or not I had that urge to have a baby. Now that I have it, I can't wait to have children.

post #13 of 16
Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnamarie View Post
 

But I'm 34 years old and I think that this take precedence biologically. I have many years still to build my career and only a finite window of time to have healthy children.

 

 

in the same boat! we have one daughter, born just after i turned 34, but now i'm ready for my period to come back and get started on baby #2. i'll be 35 in march and time is a tickin'.

 

sometimes i feel frustrated about the state of my career/ambitions (i'm a librarian by training and also have lots of projects outside of that), and i wonder if i'll ever be able to do the things i dream of.. hard to imagine with a 10 month old baby crawling everywhere!

post #14 of 16

We waited until my DH handed in his thesis and had given up on waiting to buy a house.  Just as we were ready, my husband was diagnosed with depression and he didn't feel the time was right.  As upset as I was I couldn't argue with him.  Two months later we signed the papers for a house we found on a whim and my husband convinced me to take a test and it was positive.  I really don't think DH would have ever been ready, that little surprise was the best thing that ever happened to us and the timing ended up perfect.  Now he can't wait for number two and keeps telling me that things just don't feel right with only one kid.

 

Go figure.

post #15 of 16

I went back to school in 2007. I went off the Pill in 2008 and got an IUD. It was like a hormonal switch was flipped from "babies some time in the future" to "babies NOW". My husband wanted to wait until I was done with school. My graduation was due to be June 2011. We went back and forth and tried to figure out ways to make it work sooner and ultimately decided to start trying in mid-2010. Our daughter was born two weeks after graduation. We would have made it work if we'd had one sooner but it is probably just as well we waited--with me done with school and employed in my field, having a baby is a lot more manageable.

post #16 of 16

It took me a long time to be ready after #1, but she was highly sensitive and it took me 27 months to get my cycles back, then I got pregnant when she was 3 and miscarried and then got pregnant again when she was 4 and they're 3 weeks shy of 5 years apart.  I never meant to have them so far apart, though I really appreciate having a big kid helper.  However, this time, I've been ready since she turned 1, but my body is not.  #2 is much more outgoing and active.  She's 18 months now and I still don't have my cycles back.  

 

I feel ready because I know i want more kids ( yes, plural), but I know I can't have many kids if I'm almost 30 and have 1 every 5 years, so that's where my decision lies.  I also feel that my kids are happier having each other and I am excited to share in this family community thing I have going on :)

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