a little bit of background - I am planning to be a surrogate for a wonderful friend who had cancer 2years ago and cannot carry or conceive on her own. Everything was going along perfect, fertility specialist appointments and counselling were to start in 3weeks time.
we were using charting as our method of contraception, last cycle came 5days early on the 20th of dec right before the busy holiday period. Things got crazy and I wasn't charting very often but thought things were fine. We only bd twice during that cycle once on new years eve when this pregnancy was conceived.....................
We found out on the 17th of Jan and I am devastated we are not in a financial situation to be able to bring another baby into the world, nor do i feel we as a family could cope, we already have two beautiful boys.
Last fri I went to the dr's to arrange a termination. I have to wait until the end of this week for an ultrasound to confirm a viable pregnancy to be able to go publicly.
We told our friends who were intended to be surrogates for and they are devastated, and have decided that its best we dont go ahead with the surrogacy at this point in time.
I am so tired, so scared and devastated. I don't want this child, but I know there is no way we can raise it financially or emotionally.
My husband is supporting me, but i know secretly he would like a third child even though it is completely impractical. and would cause so much stress and anxiety. We would need a new house, at least one new car, another carseat. Clothing. Diapers. All of which we just cannot afford.
I am so lost I feel so guilty for letting our beautiful friends down, they are the most amazing people. Who desperately want a child, yet we have conceived one and all we want is for it to go away