I really need your advice and help with this growing issue. Please forgive me for the length of this post, there is alot of information that you should know about the situation before giving me your advice.
DD is now 6 years old. She went to live with her GPs for 2 years when DS was born ( long story- if you need to know please ask and I will refer you to another post of mine or answer your questions). She was 3 when she went to live with them full time. I was 17 years old when I gave birth to her and her father and myself, being young and with out jobs, lived there with his parents ( DDs GPs that I am refering to). She has pretty much lived there with them her entire life. They have always played a large part in her life and she loves them dearly. She visits them EVERY weekend.
Before I go any further, you should know that I am Pagan. Her Gps are VERY christian. Atleast her Papa is anyways. Her Grandmother is christian as well, but not as 'hardcore' as her GF. DD says that she is christian. She goes to church with her GPs every weekend. She looks forward to it and enjoys it very much. I have never had a 'problem' with this before- but now that she is growing up and staring to 'understand' some things, we are having issues.
Also, I wanted to say that I am IN NO WAY trying to offend anyone or knock their beliefs. This is my personal situitan and my personal views. Please understand that I AM NOT trying to upset or disrespect anyone.
I should also add that DDS GF ( who she is very close to, even more so than her GM ) is, again, a 'hardcore' christian. He thinks Harry Potter is evil and he thinks that the posters in my house are gateways to demonic possession- which I believe to be complete crap. He is a very kind, loving and giving man..but he is 'out there'. He tries to force his religion on everyone ( and pulls alot of guilt tricks on me especially ) and thinks that his way is the ONLY way and anything else is evil and whatnot. And man..you should have heard the lecture I recieved when he discoverd that DS wasnt circ'ed. (DS isnt his blood grandchild BTW- his son and I where divorced about 7 years ago. )
DD has asked me many times why I dont believe in God and go to chruch. I always explain to her that just because mommy doesnt go to church or believe in god, it doesnt make me a bad person. I explain that we should always respect others beliefs because they have the right to believe what they wish. I explain that nature is my church This upsets her that mommy doesnt go to 'real' church. She dosent 'want me to go to hell'. Yeah- she has said that to before..in tears. This was quite disturbing for me.
I have gotten many comments from her about things of this nature. Its always very closed minded and many times, hateful. Well, this morning before school she explained to me that last night she had a bad dream. Before i could ask her if she wanted to talk about it- she went on to say, very upset " AND I ALWAYS HAVE BAD DREAMS HERE!... PAPA SAID ITS BECAUSE I DONT SAY MY PRAYERS!!..WHY DONT YOU HAVE ME SAY MY PRAYERS AT NIGHT MAMA?!?" I was a bit in shock.
I went on to tell her that bad dreams DONT come from 'not saying your prayers'. They come from eating something that doesnt agree with you before bed or from watching scary movies. I also told her that she could say her prayers whenever she wanted.. have never stopped her, nor have I ever said anything against her faith infront of her- though I have to admit..i dont agree with it and I feel that its very unhealthy for a young child her age with such moldable mind. She believes that her way is the only way ( just like her Papa ) and that anything else is wrong. I have talked with her many times, but the issue keeps growing.
Hers the thing, DH and My self are rather 'alternative' people. I have tattoos and a few piercings and we listen to metal and what not. We dont go to the hospital to have our babies and we dont take them to the doctors and neither one of us believes in god. I am Pagan. Please understand that DD isnt exposed to anything 'scary or dark' in our home/ She isnt exposed to bad movies or pictures or anything of that nature.
It has come to my attention that she was been told by her GF, that what her step-dad and I 'do' is evil and wrong. We are 'weird'- her GPs arent and her GF has made some very disresectful comments about it to DD.
I have always respected the fact that DD has the right to choose her religion on her own. I have always allowed her to be active in church and all of that. I understand here, that DDs issue isnt church/christianity- its her GF. But what am i suppose to do? She was practically raised there and she loves them both very very much. I could never take them away from her and not allow her to go. I dont have the heart.
But also dont have the heart to sit on the side lines where I am being demonized in the eyes of my own daughter. I think shes stating to feel that she doesnt 'belong' here with us because of some of what shes be taught. Latley, shes been 'telling on me' to her GF. She will go to her GPs on the weekends and tell her GF that ' i dont allow her to pray'- which is a TOTAL LIE. The ENTIRE time that she has lived with me, she has NEVER ONCE asked to pray or even asked me to help her do so. But as soon as she gets back to her GPs- she lies about me. Then, when I call her GF to tell him that Im on my way to pick her up, I get a lecture about god and how I need to 'let' her pray. Talking with him is IMPOSSIBLE. Its like talking with a wall.
DD has begun saying hateful things about my gay friends and the gay community. She even yells at DS when he wears his crown ans uses his wand ( hand-me-downs from DD) and tells him 'boys dont act like that. Thats ugly! ' Many of her old hobbies is slowly falling away, because shes been told that 'theyre not real' or 'theyre bad'. Such as faries. She has collected faries for as long as I can recall and has a beautiful collection. She told me a few months ago, that she doesnt want them anymore because Papa said there is 'no such thing ' and that I am silly for believing in them. Yes- DD and myself always said we believed in faries. Suddenley that was taken from her too. I could tell she didnt want to give that up. It upset her to say that. I feel that her GF is explaining her faith to her in a way that is killing the magic in her life and her childhood. She alreadys has a few mental issues and I really feel that his whole situation isnt messing well with her health.
She recently has started telling me pretty often that she wants to go back and live with her Papa. She says she happier there. Her going back is NOT an option. Her GF is older in age and isnt able to care for her of give her the attention she needs ( She has AS, ADHD, ODD and OCD. She is a handful and is a full time child ) or help her with school work. There, she is allowed to stay on the computer as long as she wishes. It isnt uncommon for her to stay in a dark bedroom ALL DAY and sit infront of a TV. My 6 year old already sounds like a walking, talking commercial. Really. She quotes commercials and gets upset about missing 'specials'. Remember she only spends the weekends there. If i dont allow her to go, her heart is broken and she spends the weekend here telling me how much she doesnt want to be here and cries constantly.
Please help me. I dont feel that this is healthy for her at all. I feel that she is suffering and losing alot of her child hood under a religion/teachet with strict rules and that enforces guilt.
I dont know what else to do. Ive tried so very hard to get reconnected with her again- but her 'beliefs' are tearing us apart. Im her mother and she has no respect for me any more due to religious issues. She doesnt even want to live with me most of the time.
Please share your advice with me. Thanks in advance.