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Why is it so hard for us to find someone to PLAY with? - Page 2

post #21 of 61

If you can home school that's great I guess but it seems overrated to me. Sooner or later your children are going to have to deal with the real world in college or jobs and just everyday living. The sooner they get use to this the better. Plus, many people aren't qualified to home school or they don't have the time because they have to go to work.

post #22 of 61

I'll second looking for Unschoolers.  You might search Yahoo Groups for Unschooling Groups near you.  Good luck!

post #23 of 61

*


Edited by Callimom - 2/12/12 at 9:34am
post #24 of 61

I organize a playgroup but am still having an issue finding the right playmates for my twins.

post #25 of 61
Thread Starter 

Thank you so much for all the replies. I don't wish problems on anyone but it feels really good to know I'm not alone in this. I very much felt that way. 

 

I have tried waaaaaay too many of these activities already. My dd is not very physical. She is a little underweight and is a bookworm. She would pick laying on the couch with a book over going to the park any day. So going to gymnastics and skating and such is just a nightmare. She can't do it at all and then feels horrible about herself and embarrassed. I can't see the point in doing that to her. The whole point of homeschooling was to spare her from being made to do things she's not interested in and (for the most part) the social embarrassment that comes along with failing at these things, especially at such a young age. One of my biggest motivations for homeschooling was to allow her to become her own person without the relentless social pressure to conform that goes on in school. If I tell her the only way to make friends is to do the activities the other kids do I feel like I've completely failed at this. 

 

It's kind of the same thing with the academic stuff. I'm sure this part will improve as she gets older but for right now she's still too young. Even though a lot of things have a wide age range of 4-7 years old, she is almost always the only one that's four and there's no amount of academic pushing at home that's going to push her up to par with a 7 year old when she's only four. Not that I'd want to do that to her anyway. So, of course I end up with a sad and defeated kid who not only didn't make friends but now feels bad about herself.

Again, I'm really confused by the whole academic class thing. Not that I think there's anything wrong with it and I certainly see the positive to it in the later years when you have kids struggling with calculus and such but MY job right now is to teach her those things. If I wanted her to learn from someone else why would I have her home with me? 

 

I feel kind of lost in that I'm definitely not an unschooler. We do academics at home. Dd is already reading a little and I have her practice writing every day, etc. I've found myself to be a little unwelcome in unschooling circles because of this. However, I do value play, friendship and creativity just as much which leaves me a little out of the cliques of co-ops and academic classes that are heavily classical minded and conservative in the area I live in. 

 

I don't know. I think I'm trying to say I feel caught in the middle when all I'm looking for is my dd to have a little fun sometimes. 

 

post #26 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovemygirl View Post

I feel kind of lost in that I'm definitely not an unschooler. We do academics at home. Dd is already reading a little and I have her practice writing every day, etc. I've found myself to be a little unwelcome in unschooling circles because of this. However, I do value play, friendship and creativity just as much which leaves me a little out of the cliques of co-ops and academic classes that are heavily classical minded and conservative in the area I live in.

 


Just don't talk about your homeschool "style" ;-) Most unschoolers that I know don't really care as long as you aren't telling them they should be doing academics. Labels shouldn't separate homeschoolers and it seems everyone is always changing and tweaking how they homeschool as they go along, anyway. Many people who unschool through the early years start adding more structure. Many of the "homeschoolers" we knew when ds was 4 all went to school as soon as they turned 5.  It was odd that they were identifying themselves as homeschoolers when they were so quick to enroll their kids when they hit school age. It seems some schooled kids start homeschooling after 1st or 2nd grade and some homeschooled kids start going to school around then, as well.

 

Parkday doesn't have to be an uncomfortable experience for a less athletic, comfort oriented kid. When ds was younger, I'd bring a blanket and a bin of legos to the park. (A couple of pillows would have been a nice addition.) That always made for a nice ice breaker (and the kids were amazingly good about keeping the legos on the blanket). Maybe your dd has some kind of toy she'd like to share in that sort of situation. Obviously she shouldn't bring anything too precious and there needs to be enough pieces for a little group to share. We've also brought things like sidewalk chalk and bubbles.

 

If you organize activities, you can have them be things your dd enjoys and that will attract other kids with similar interests. No need to throw yourself into doing that immediately but it's something to contemplate.

 

 

 

post #27 of 61

I don't think this discussion is about whether to homeschool or not.  It's about finding ways for only children to socialize. 

 

That said, the OP will need to be persistant.  Show up early and stay late at homeschool activities.  Look for unschooling groups nearby.  Look for families in your local grocery store or library during the day.  Give them your contact info when you see them. 

 

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Seana

post #28 of 61

it makes me sad to hear that folks don't find it valuable to allow their children to play freely outside of the home.  my 5 1/2 y.o. went to a parent cooperative play school for a few years, which helped us build community.  he has play dates 4 days out of the week, and here's what's been the key for me:  so many of his friends need childcare once they get out of school (whether it's play school or public kinder)--i basically offer free care in the name of a play date.  i suppose for you, that would mean getting into some type of community first (which i see you're trying so desperately to do).  also, have you gone to your local library?  my library gave me a list of HS playgroups in my area.  one more thing:  MeetUp seems to have tons of possibilities.

good luck!

post #29 of 61

Is there a Yahoo group in your area?  If not, start one.  Make it for Homeschoolers, not Unschoolers, just to get traffic.  Here, we do an 'academic' event and the kids play afterwards.  If we are near a park, then we park it.  If there is a hallway, they romp in the hallway.  At your daughter's age, we didn't know anyone.  Now we know lots of families...not ones I call to do things with, but we see each other all the time.  YMCA here has non-athletic classes, and so do the libraries.  There are always homeschoolers at free library events!

post #30 of 61

I have two kids and we have this problem too! Most homeschoolers seem to either have a zillion activities or be part of a co-op.  Everyone is busy! Add my part time job, cub scouts and religious ed classes and we are just as difficult to schedule.  We have worked hard to make time for the people who seem open to it, be it homeschool families or not.  We meet a couple people for dinner periodically.  We arrange for outreach opportunities with others (elder care visits,  food pantry).  We try to plan occasional field trips other homeschoolers would enjoy.  None of it comes easy however! :/

post #31 of 61

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


Edited by mattemma04 - 4/21/12 at 3:24pm
post #32 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Apples12 View Post

If you can home school that's great I guess but it seems overrated to me. Sooner or later your children are going to have to deal with the real world in college or jobs and just everyday living. The sooner they get use to this the better. Plus, many people aren't qualified to home school or they don't have the time because they have to go to work.


funny.  the last time i checked out a school environment (and i was a middle/high school teacher up until recently--so is my partner), it looked nothing like "the real world".  if the real world is all about mindless compliance, being directed by a bell and spending hrs doing work that is rarely remembered, then we have a much bigger problem.  the original post wasn't asking for opinions on homeschooling, she was asking for ideas about homeschooling.  nor did she offer up unfounded opinions about what it seems you may have chosen to do with you own.  she deserves the same respect, as do all parents who are making heavy decisions about their children (including you).  if you'd like to have a more balanced opinion, i would advise reading a book or two.  Dumbing us Down is a good one.  

 

post #33 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by cristinnicole View Post


funny.  the last time i checked out a school environment (and i was a middle/high school teacher up until recently--so is my partner), it looked nothing like "the real world".  if the real world is all about mindless compliance, being directed by a bell and spending hrs doing work that is rarely remembered, then we have a much bigger problem.  the original post wasn't asking for opinions on homeschooling, she was asking for ideas about homeschooling.  nor did she offer up unfounded opinions about what it seems you may have chosen to do with you own.  she deserves the same respect, as do all parents who are making heavy decisions about their children (including you).  if you'd like to have a more balanced opinion, i would advise reading a book or two.  Dumbing us Down is a good one.  

 


At most jobs that is exactly how things are done so people might as well get use to it early. Also, children who go to school also learn at home and out in the world. Learning never stops. As far as me giving my opinion, I have the right to do so just like you did in responding to my post. I didn't use any derogatory language so what I said was fine. As far as books go, sounds like you read too many books. Book smarts does not equal common sense or intelligence.

 

post #34 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by cristinnicole View Post


funny.  the last time i checked out a school environment (and i was a middle/high school teacher up until recently--so is my partner), it looked nothing like "the real world".  if the real world is all about mindless compliance, being directed by a bell and spending hrs doing work that is rarely remembered, then we have a much bigger problem.  the original post wasn't asking for opinions on homeschooling, she was asking for ideas about homeschooling.  nor did she offer up unfounded opinions about what it seems you may have chosen to do with you own.  she deserves the same respect, as do all parents who are making heavy decisions about their children (including you).  if you'd like to have a more balanced opinion, i would advise reading a book or two.  Dumbing us Down is a good one.  

 



 



Quote:
Originally Posted by Apples12 View Post


At most jobs that is exactly how things are done so people might as well get use to it early. Also, children who go to school also learn at home and out in the world. Learning never stops. As far as me giving my opinion, I have the right to do so just like you did in responding to my post. I didn't use any derogatory language so what I said was fine. As far as books go, sounds like you read too many books. Book smarts does not equal common sense or intelligence.

 



ROTFLMAO.gif

Cristinnicole, you read too many books.  Stop reading so much!  It's making you stupid...

post #35 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by momtokea View Post



 



ROTFLMAO.gif

Cristinnicole, you read too many books.  Stop reading so much!  It's making you stupid...

 

 

Whether or not you are being sarcastic my point is that everyone has the right to their opinion. Books or not. There are many ways to learn. Experience is a great teacher.
 

 

post #36 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Apples12 View Post

 

 

Whether or not you are being sarcastic my point is that everyone has the right to their opinion. Books or not. There are many ways to learn. Experience is a great teacher.
 

 


I agree.  I don't think you will find a homeschooler who disagrees with your statement.   However, you posts are not at all helpful to the OP, or to anyone on the homeschooling forum.

 

post #37 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by momtokea View Post


I agree.  I don't think you will find a homeschooler who disagrees with your statement.   However, you posts are not at all helpful to the OP, or to anyone on the homeschooling forum.

 


Except for my initial post in this thread, the rest of my posts in this thread have been to people that quoted me and responded back to me. Also, what is considered not helpful to one person can be helpful to the next. You can't decide that for everyone. Also, there are some homeschoolers that at some point have decided to put their kids in school sometimes for the socialization.

 

post #38 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Apples12 View Post


Except for my initial post in this thread, the rest of my posts in this thread have been to people that quoted me and responded back to me. Also, what is considered not helpful to one person can be helpful to the next. You can't decide that for everyone. Also, there are some homeschoolers that at some point have decided to put their kids in school sometimes for the socialization.

 




Welcome to MDC! Look around and you will notice that there are different forums with different purposes. You might enjoy the Learning at School forum, for instance, if you would like to discuss with others the positive side of brick and mortar schooling. If you would like to talk about Homeschooling in a supportive way, you are welcome to post here, as well.

post #39 of 61

I can't imagine a situation like that.  My daughters are 4 and almost 2, but we've found a great homeschool group here who are willing to get together for moms to chat and kids to play.  When we lived in Alberta still, there was also two moms near us who homeschooled and at least once a week we'd all get together and we could talk while the kids play.  At that time, I had only one child so I joined two families with lots of kids, and of course those other kids loved playing with my little one.  So the homeschooling families I've encountered are happy to have playdates.

 

We've actually talked about this with my mommy's group.  Our church has for over 20 years now organized a mom's group where the grandmothers watch the children for an hour and a half so that the moms can have a social time together - or discuss marriage or parenting or faith issues.  It's a wonderful group, but last year we only had three or four moms coming.  We've been asking why.  Why are so many moms so busy that they can't take an hour and a half once a week to connect with each other?  I think part of it is that many moms return to work (although if you are trying to connect with other homeschooling moms, that won't be the issue).  I also think it is too easy for all of us to get involved in our own little affairs, and focused on what we need to get done at home (teaching the kids, doing the laundry, cleaning the house) that meeting with another mom does seem frivolous and extravagant and time-wasting.

 

I'd suggest approaching another mom and explaining why you value free play and that you would like to set up a weekly or biweekly playdate.  If this is something that happens on a regular basis, it might be easier to commit to.  Try asking when a good time is - afternoons may work better for homeschoolers, as most of us tend to like doing school in the morning.  :)  If you have a homeschooling newsletter, perhaps consider writing up something (in a very positive tone:) explaining the value of free play and how you would like to set up a playgroup for your son, and inviting anyone interested to join you.  If we can schedule skating and swimming for our children, surely we can also schedule free play to encourage their creative sides.  Good luck!

post #40 of 61

Park days are pretty common to most homeschool groups I'm familiar with. Are there really none there?

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