i think what you are talking about is soothing yourself. this is an awesome coping skill. my 41 year old AS dh hasn't learned it yet. if you can teach your DS how to it, that would be so cool. but you probably want to teach him about not barging in on people too, cause there will be times he needs people, rather than soothing himself.
- topicSpecial Needs Parentingtagged by System, 1/23/12
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Any PARENTS with Asperger's Syndrome? - Page 4post #61 of 655/25/12 at 4:36ampost #62 of 655/25/12 at 9:21pm
Yes, so true. I have tried many. many times to talk to him about hurting people. At least once a day, he is uncontrollable by any words or activities. I have had to lock him in his room before because he was just running around thrashing into everything and could have seriously hurt his baby brother.
The issue is, I don't know how to help him. I lack social skills and I have a hard time picking up on how someone is responding to what I am saying. For instance, if he does barrel into someone - I stop him and say "We don't want to hurt our friend". He doesn't get it. It's like we are speaking a different language. So we try to talk when he is calm, and it doesn't seem he cares. He is looking all over the place and being distracted and asking me all sorts of crazy questions - interrupting me as I talk. Then sometimes the problem is mine. I go wayyyyy into detail about why he shouldn't barrel into others and I go off into tangents that probably may be too much for a 3 year old to have to worry about.
I've just recently started looking at social stories, but Im having a hard time coming up with one for this situation.
There are days when Im totally "on" and I can put all of my effort and time into helping him. And then there are days when I just want to lay in bed and cry because I would do anything to help him succeed, but I lack the ability.
Sometimes I feel its like the blind leading the blind.post #63 of 655/31/12 at 7:05pm
It's scripted, but teaching your son to ask what he doesn't notice can be a good skill, and one I personally use myself. As in "Excuse me pleas" and wait for a response, or "Is this a good time?' or "Sorry, did you mean to say something?" I've had to do this sort of thing a lot of my life, and taught my son to over time. He gets labeled as odd but very polite, which might get notice but at least some of it is positive. I've had years of people apologetically telling me that I am "strange but in a nice way". No, I don't know quite what to do with that comment sometimes, but I've mostly gotten along with others at school and work. Being formal actually has probably kept me out of trouble in fields working with people (I've worked in nursing and with special needs kids) because I don't assume but just ask, and I make sure to listen because I won't get it otherwise. I figure my son (who has more social trouble than I've ever had, but still gets along!) can get by with similar skills. It's OK to be a bit odd if you are polite about it.
post #64 of 656/3/12 at 5:08am
yeah, i think you need to be more concrete. "STOP! say excuse me and wait before you start talking." and "STOP crashing into people! you may not crash into people! stay arms length away from people unless you have their permission to hug them." saying "we don't want to hurt our friends" is really vague and confusing.
something you will need to remind yourself over and over. he will likely need to be reminded several times each day about these things. i have been telling my dh nearly every day for several years "no one likes to be accused. it's not how to have a relationship with someone." the light is very slowly turning on in his head.
i think you son may have sensory issues too. it's really common for people with AS to have coexistent sensory issues. i think he is "sensory seeking." the more you can help him meet these sensory needs, the less inappropriate behavior he will have. and his mood will improve too. try reading "sensational kids" and "sensational kids have fun."post #65 of 656/3/12 at 7:43am
Ahhh! I see now. So it would be easier for him to understand if my instructions were simpler. Like Farmer Beth was saying (which went over my head at first), it may sound scripted if he repeats what I tell him word for word, but at least it's polite and he's not interrupting and banging into people. I'm going to try talking to him like that - so excited to have a new tool in my "discipline" toolbox.
umami mommy, when you say "noone likes to be accused" what do you mean? Is it accusatory when saying "We don't want to hurt our friends"? I'd like to find out a little more about how not to sound accusatory.
And yes, he does have a number of sensory issues. From screaming when we wash his hair, to being "hurt" by a receiving a hug, to a myriad of other issues. We try to keep him happy, but sometimes it is beyond our control. And I do want to read "The Out-Of-Sync Child has Fun", as it was also recommended to me on another thread.
Edited by Thing1Thing2 - 6/3/12 at 7:53am
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