Hello ladies -
I am TTC #2 and it took us 18 months with my DS (who is now 5). We've been at it for a handful of months and I am finding myself bumping against some of the same emotional and physical things I did with TTC my DS. Of course, there were SO many things I learned about myself in 18 months of TTC but something that came up then and is coming up now are these questions...
How much of trying to get pregnant is on me (and DH) and how much is just part of the baby-to-be's path, that I can't change?
I know that there really is no answer to those questions - we really can't know, but I wanted to throw it out there and see how you all feel about it and cope with that HUGE unanswerable question. Can we really speed up another being's timeline?? (I don't know, maybe we can?? Would love to hear thoughts on this!) And if not, are we making ourselves crazy by doing all these things to TTC that won't matter anyway??
My reason for asking is this - how I *think* that question is answered will determine how I chose to move forward with TTC. The first time around, I did everything - I temped for months, did yoga, got acupuncture, ate pineapple, took Fertilaid, etc. and after about 13 months, I felt angry because I had been doing all this stuff that was supposed to speed up that which I wanted so badly, but none of it had worked. And then a lightbulb went on - what if I am, in fact, totally healthy and fine, and this baby has his or her own timeline to follow that has nothing to do with me eating pineapple (or doing yoga or acupuncture...)?! That changed a lot for me and I stopped looking at myself like I was broken and like this was all on me to make happen. I felt a huge sense of relief. Coincidentally, we got pregnant about four months after that and I was really at peace with the process.
So, here I find myself again, wondering if I should be doing anything on my part to help make this happen. Even though things clicked for me last time when I stopped doing so much, what if this time is different and I need a boost? Should I be exercising more, should I be getting Maya Abdominal Massage, should I got back to temping even though I know when I ovulate, etc.? Will it change anything, aside from making me feel broken again and spending more time than I want on TTC?
Part of me feels like it can't hurt to do some of these things as long as I don't have an attachment to the outcome - as long as I don't expect that these will get me pregnant, but instead see them as doing something nice for myself and my overall health. (Which I know is easier said than done).
How do you all handle this? Do you do everything within your power to get pregnant? If so, how do you feel (and cope) when it doesn't pan out? Or, do you try to chill back a let it happen when it will happen? And when that doesn't pan out, how do you feel and how do you cope?
I was talking to a friend about this the other day and I was saying how it irritates me when people say, "It will happen when it will happen," because they aren't mentioning the free will that we have to help it move along and all the things we have at our fingertips, but then I'm also annoyed when people say, "You should do more yoga (or whatever)," because then they aren't mentioning the fact that it is about more things than just me!
There has to be a more balanced middle ground that looks at TTC more hollisitically with all the different threads that it contains.
That is what I'm looking for :) I don't see too many posts on here about this more emotional/philosophical sort of thing, so TIA for any thoughts!