My 3 and a half year old boy...wears me out

[Caffuss]

I wash and fold all his clothes put them in the draws...it takes many hours. He removes all the clothes unfolded on the floor in about 10 mintutes..before I knew he was doing it. And he will not help me put them back. I could spend all my time cleaning up after him and have no time for ANYTHING eles. I talked to him..I put him in time out, which by the way I have to hold him in, and he fights to free himself . Nothing I've tierd so far works. Any suggustions? He also has an older Brother who is five which sometimes hits me when I'm giving the little one a time out. PLease help if you can...I love my kids so much and want them to grow up happy, healthy and productive.

[journeymom]

Put hook-locks on the drawers.  They're a safety hazard anyway, since the cabinets can fall on top of little ones when they use the open drawers like stairs to climb up. 

Why is the 5 y.o. hitting you?  Is he 'protecting' his little brother?  Little kids hit moms, but usually that's in the 1 to 3 y.o. temper tantrum range. 

[Caffuss]

Ya, my 5 year old hits, laughes and runs away, while I hold the little one in time out. It doesnt really hurt, just bothers me a lot. My 3 year old would know how to open hook locks, if he saw me do it one time...he is very smart. They have never used the draws for stairs yet. He does use the hall cupboards like that though and emptys those as well...and crawl in there.

[journeymom]

Yeah, if his little 3 y.o. hands are strong enough to push the hooks.  It's likely that he won't be tossing his clothes on the floor a year from now.  This is temporary. 

[ChitownTracy]

Originally Posted by Caffuss 

I wash and fold all his clothes put them in the draws...it takes many hours. He removes all the clothes unfolded on the floor in about 10 mintutes..before I knew he was doing it. And he will not help me put them back. I could spend all my time cleaning up after him and have no time for ANYTHING eles. I talked to him..I put him in time out, which by the way I have to hold him in, and he fights to free himself . Nothing I've tierd so far works. Any suggustions? He also has an older Brother who is five which sometimes hits me when I'm giving the little one a time out. PLease help if you can...I love my kids so much and want them to grow up happy, healthy and productive.

I have heard it suggested, until they learn not to dump, or at least to clean up. Stop wasting the time on folding his clothes. I know this sounds CRAZY! But several things are going on:

1.  you are frustrated b/c of the time you lost spent folding

2. it is a button pusher for you (sounds like)
3. child sees the reaction from you

4. child is not helping to clean up

for these reasons, try to let go of folded laundry expectations...just for now.  If that's just way to out there for you, then keep his laundry in your room.  it's just for now until he has the tools to clean/fix his messes & the self control to leave the clothes in the drawer.  You could re-introduce a drawer a time.  I know a TON of little ones who destroy their rooms!  Especially first when moved out of the crib!  YIKES!

Re: Time Outs & hitting

"Ya, my 5 year old hits, laughes and runs away, while I hold the little one in time out."

in your recent response you mentioned that you are holding the little one  - are you literally & physically touching the 3 year old.  if so, please look at this way- you are re-enforcing the behavior- by providing the 3 year old with touch & attention.   your 5 year old is screaming out for attention- since the younger one is monopolizing your time

The point of a time out/time in is to provide a redirection and cool down period.  The opportunity to help the child break the behavior pattern they are currently engaged in.  if you think time outs are the most effective - then walk away from the child- place them in a safe place or you walk away to a safe place.

a better solution would be to encourage & teach him how to clean up his giant laundry mess.  make it a game- can he slam dunk the shirt into the drawer before you can?  can he find all the blue shirts first?  etc. 

as far as the 5 year old, speak to him ahead of time- lay out expectations for when you need to address the 3 year old without 5 year old interference.  i'm going to give an example b/c i don't thing i'm getting my point across

when i need to talk to your brother- these 3 activities are acceptable for you (color, read, play legos etc)  5 year old needs to understand hitting mom while trying to discipline other child- completely unacceptable (whether it hurts or not)

siblings are tough! My 2 can get very wound up together & i have got them making silly faces at each other while i'm trying to discipline.

Edited by ChitownTracy - 1/26/12 at 11:19am

[elefante]

I love everything that Chitown said, and might also add that if you talk to the 5yo ahead of time and maybe try and get him to help out, the 3yo may follow. So, if the 3yo refuses to find the blue shirts, the 5 yo can jump in and play along with you. Even if it is just you and the 5yo "playing" this clean up game together and the 3 yo simply watches without jumping in [or is just listening from the hall at all the fun and laughter he is missing out on] then that may encourage him to join in next time. 

Another thing you may want to try is something like a chore chart.. but not exactly. Like, if he keeps his drawers closed and neat for a day, he gets a sticker. After 5-10 days he gets a fun mommy date, or movie night, or some "treat" that isn't necessarily a prize.

[crunchy_mommy]

I agree with not folding his clothes. Just throw them all in a drawer. May be a little wrinkly, but that's not a big deal for a 3yo! Maybe keep a few of his outfits hanging in YOUR closet in case you need him to look more presentable for a special occasion.

My other thought is to leave an empty drawer in his dresser or cabinet that he can play with/in. Show him that one and explain that all the other ones need to stay closed unless he's getting dressed, but this one is his to play in... and help him fill it with a bunch of toys or stuffed animals and then dump it out together, make it super fun???

OH and one more thought, I'd bring his laundry basket into his room and explain that one of his jobs is to put his own clothes away. Help him if he's never done this before or if there is lots of laundry, and try to make it fun. But instead of asking him to pick up AFTER he's made a mess, do it right from the start, this way it's just his responsibility, not a punishment or anything, and he might take more pride in it and more responsibility for keeping it neat.