32 weeks and according to the scale at the OB office I gained 8 lbs in the last 10 days. I've done absolutely nothing differently aside from being more active and getting outside more often. This isn't fair. I feel like I've been trying so hard and I'm just going to have the same outcome. This is exactly what happened with Elsa. I don't want to try and struggle through a full and painful labor only to end up exhausted and finally agreeing to a c-section, but I also don't want to walk in and just get one. I also don't want to vaginally birth a huge baby. I feel like every option I have is sh--.
And nobody seems to understand. All I get are platitudes about how the weight will come off (which is the last thing I care about), or that the baby is probably smaller than I think (except this isn't my first time - I've seen what can happen and I know how big it could be), or that all that matters is a healthy baby (which while it's the most important thing, it's not the only thing that matters). I don't want a section, I don't want to deal with the guilt, I don't want to hear people's well-meaning jokes or comments. All I want is a safe normal delivery of a normal-big baby.
I feel like no one thinks I can have a VBAC, that it's easier to let me have my little dreams because I'm just going to end up with the section anyway. And I'm starting to feel like they're probably right.