3.5 year old STILL not getting it (HEEELLLP!!)

[sgmom]

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this? My daughter has been EC'd since 4 months old, and she will pee when I take her to the bathroom, but we're having constant poop misses (often in her undies, but last night she pooped on the bath mat, a foot from the toilet, and a few nights ago she was laying on the floor watching tv, bare bum, and pooped right there. Then she rolled a few inches away from it and carried on watching tv), and she NEVER tells us that she needs to go, nor does she take herself, even if the potty is right there. If I don't take her, it's miss after miss after miss, and I'm getting REALLY tired of cleaning her poopy butt.

If you ask her where it all goes, she'll happily tell you "toilet!". But I haven't seen ANY signs of her wanting to do it, unless we ask her to. She has some speech delays as well (MASSIVE vocabulary, but mispronounces most words and is incapable of forming a sentence in communication), so having a talk with her (or asking her questions as to "why") gets us absolutely NOWHERE. 

I'm desperate for some help here. What would you do?  

(I'm also EC'ing a 20 month boy, who is FAR too busy to sit still. I'm afraid that he'll be potty independent before she is!)

[tri31]

They say (neurological researchers) in order for toddlers to strengthen one neurological connection, it is normal for them to temperarily drop another. My son had a speech delay at 3, one of the first things early intervention did was to try to encourage sign. ASL for more, eat, drink gradually incorporating play into it, exibiting signs for cow, cat ect..He worked it out himself, given some time. Both speech and potty are big learning orders, I think you are doing the right thing, by asking how you can help her.  

[tri31]

Just thought of something else. Is she aware of personal responsibilities yet? Maybe by focusing on praising how everyone takes care of their own waste things, for example, placing their trash in the garbage can, dirty clothes in the hamper, that will work to reinforce the behavior you are looking for, eliminates in the potty. Three is the age of "I want to be the boss", but it is also the age where kids want to follow, or copy grown behavior. KWIM? I'll shut up, best of luck.