Guardianship « Back to Group Discussions

[jbk21]

Has anyone been thinking about assigning guardianship for your child/ren?  We did for our first son, but that was when we lived in OH and the guardians we named live there as well.  We will revisit the issue now and name someone here in OR so that our boys wouldn't have to move across the country if their parents died.  

How did you make the decision?  What was the most important factor for you?

[jhsmama11]

We're working on this now, it's so hard to think about but necessary. I want to name someone who I trust to raise ds, with love, with my values and who will make sure the other family members are in his life (ie if someone from my family is guardian that she would make sure ds knows dh's family). And someone who is financially responsible with a fairly stable life.

[jbk21]

Yeah, it's hard to find just the right fit.  Ugh.  Dh's parents were SO mad when they found out that they weren't named as guardians.  But as I see it, they will always have a role in the boys' lives since they are their grandparents.  A grandparent's role is not to be a parent (in my opinion).  I'm probably biased though since we wouldn't trust our parents to raise our kids with values anywhere near what ours are.  It scares me that they would try to get custody, even.  They couldn't do that right?  If we had a legally binding arrangement in place?

[Jaimee]

We did, but not officially with paperwork.  We talked to our parents and siblings about our decision so that everyone was clear.  We do plan on making a will soon, but just haven't found the time yet.  We chose my IL's b/c they would respect our values, they are 10 years younger than my parents and are financially able to do so.  My MIL would even be able to stay home with them.  I could tell it hurt my parents some, but I think they also understood the benefits of my IL's.  My dad still commutes from Seattle to Minnesota every other week.  My sister and my SIL are not financially in a place they could help out... it would be a serious burden to them.  But if they do become secure then we would switch, most likely, since they are younger.

My understanding is that each state is different in terms of what is considered binding.  Some require an officially prepared will that is notarized.  Some allow you to make your own will and get it notarized.  Others have forms you can fill out.  And yet others allow you to literally write a letter and sign it.

[jbk21]

Oye I guess we'll talk to an attorney about it.  I'm also wondering about how to set up some kind of trust so that it wouldn't be a financial burden to whoever we choose.  So much to think about!

[Code Name Mama]

We got life insurance (to help with college, etc.) and a will when Kieran was a baby - we need to update both now for Ailia. We have two alternates named for guardians - the first is my sister, because she respects our parenting (even though she is not a parent) and she loves our kids. The second are friends whom we have since lost close contact with, so we'll choose another couple who parent their kids similarly and our kids are all friends. They would really be ideal, but I struggle naming them as the "first" choice b/c I would love to have a family member raise our kids.
By the way - you can name a completely different person to handle the money - we have my FIL named.

[Mal85]

We've been talking about this a lot lately. It's been on my mind since we had our first, but we just haven't gotten around to it yet. A friend of mine just set up a trust and will for her kids and was telling me a little about the process. It sounded fairly simple in our state. We have chosen Godparents for our kids when they were baptized, but we didn't really base that on who would actually raise them. That was more about who would actually make sure they got to church and Sunday school every weekend, to take care of their religious life. I have 5 siblings and we have so many close friends who have very similar values when it comes to raising kids, so it's really hard to choose. I hesitate to choose a friend. Although we've all been friends for more than a decade, you just never know if friendships are forever. I am very close to my brothers and sisters, but they all have kids and most of them have all they can handle right now. We need to talk about it more seriously and make sure DH and I are on the same page. Both of us have said we don't want to choose grandparents. We'd like them to remain in our kids' lives as grandparents and enjoy that relationship with them. Luckily, all of our family lives very close to us, so no one would be moving our kids far away from the rest of their family.