jumping into twins

[jes h]

We are foster parents and just got a call that we may have a set of 8 month old twin girls placed with us. 

I have a son, who is 3.   We've had a set of siblings before, so I am not new to suddenly having a house full of kids, but I just realized the other day that two  8 month olds means two babies at the same time... NOT something I have experienced!

Any thoughts/tips?  I THINK I am good with the evening when DH will be home to help, but not sure how to go about feeding/bottles/naps when it is me, my attention-craving son and the little ones.  Right now we do a couple outings a week;  park, library, museum, etc.  I expect to forgo those while we get used to our new arrangement, but I'd like to resume them at some point.

Any tips?!?!

Side note: I was able to BF my son, so I know nothing about formula.  Yesterday I calculated formula costs for twins.  GEEZE!!!!! We'll get WIC, so its not a big deal for us, but my heart goes out to mommas who need to buy this stuff at this rate!  YIKES!

[Red Pajama]

Get a good twin stroller, one that folds small enough to fit in your vehicle and small enough to go through doors. If a place is handicapped accessible, your stroller should fit.  I had a tyke trek 360, purchased on line at a site called Joggingstroller.com.

http://joggingstroller.com/  Having a twin stroller means you are not house bound. Otherwise, taking walks, getting to the grocery store, and any number of other small things become more hassle then they are worth.

Baby Gates

Will you use disposibles or cloth diapers? We used cloth except for at night. It's a big outlay right up front, but significant savings over time.

we did have two high chairs. It was something that came in quite handy.

Twins really become another challenge all together once they become mobile.

Do you have any indication as to how long this placement may be?

[jes h]

Thanks Red Pajama!

No idea how long the placement will be.  Our last placement was similar;  they were with their grandmother and then came to us.  That was expected to be a pretty long placement, but grandmother changed her mind and they went back after 3 months.  This social worker sounds like she expects this to be a long placement as well;  sounds like they just entered the system, but who knows if this grandma will eventually change her mind, too.  However, I am sure anything we buy will eventually come in handy again - I am sure we will have 2 babies in the house again at some point, even if they aren't the exact same age.

We have a huge collection of one size cloth diapers that are in great condition from DS, so we'll use those.  (*Looking forward* to seeing what kind of laundry piles this generates!  Our last placement included a 2 year old and we potty trained him the first month just to get out of day time diaper loads  )

I just called on another high chair on craigslist that I like a lot - the kind that straps to a chair and turns into a booster, so I will have 2.

I also saved the super expensive and hard to find baby gate that goes across the wide opening between our open dining room/kitchen and living room - I assume that should help control the chaos to one room at a time...

How about nap times?   I have no idea how set in a routine these little ones are for sleeping, but ideally, they would still be at 2 naps a day.  DS just nursed down, or took a bottle from grandma or dad.   How do you do naps?  I will have separate rooms available for napping (this helped a lot with our last siblings; they slept together at night, but could not nap in the same room)  but one was a 5 year old who could pretty much put himself to bed.

Our next big challenge is car seats.  I'll need to get one more.  Fitting three in our Subaru will be a challenge.  I can have DS go to a high backed booster by now, but we were in a rollover accident when he was 2.  He literally was fine 1 minute after the accident, while I am still treating my back problems.  I hate the idea of leaving the 5 point harness behind.

[Shuli]

My parents have been foster parents for over 25 years (it started when I was about 15 and still going). So far they have had over 120 kids. They got a lot of equipment from neighbours and the Foster Parents Association. They were registered members and members used to swap things all the time. There was a registry of who had what and a contact number so if anybody needed it they would just be in touch with each other and figure it out amongst themselves. Also, the ministry of Family and Children Services would provide a "starting out" budjet for any new child of an age we had never had before, have you tried the social worker? These two agencies may have equipment like bouncy seats, car seats and high chairs.

As a mother of twins, regarding sleeping patterns, why don't you just take the first day or so to follow their cues and go from there. That's how we coped. We also had to seperate them for nap times, they couldn't fall asleep together. We had one in a pack'n'play in one room and one in the crib in the other. At night, we would have the same one fall asleep in the pack'n'play and then transfer him to his crib (one of them had sleep issues we had to deal with and he was keeping his brother awake).

We have a two story house with a semi-open first floor, so we put gates on the stairs and on the kitchen, then they had free roam of the house without us having to worry about it. Friends of ours have a car similar in size to yours, they had a three year old then had twins. They put the booster/big car seat in the middle and the two infant seats on the outside. It seemed to have worked for them.

Good luck!

[Red Pajama]

I would not take your child out of a 5 point harness. I think I'd recommend putting your boy in the middle, forward facing, with the twins on either side, rear-facing. have your boy get in first, buckle himself (hopefully?) put one in, strapped in, move to the other side of vehicle to put other in.

As for nap times, I nursed to sleep. Husband had to put both down for naps when he stayed home with them for a year,  and I honestly don't know how he did it. I think after a bottle and changing, he (probaby swaddled) rocked one while other waited in crib, then switch who is rocking. 

Until you create your routine, you will feel like you don't accomplish much except baby care. That's ok.   

[jes h]

UPDATE:

The girls move in on the 10th!  Once sense I am getting from people is really to let go of my hang ups of having a routine/structure in place.  Of course, this is important with any foster placement, but I think this is going to be a bigger adjustment.   I should probably write some mantra for myself and stick it on a wall somewhere where I'll see it when I am getting stressed.   Thanks for the advice!

We'll probably head to Babies R Us to start trying carseats in till we find a combo that works.   DH loves having his seat all the way back.  Mostly, I think he is going to have to get over being a little more crunched in his seat in front.  Better for him to figure that out as we are trying new seats, rather than my telling (nagging) him to get over it. 

[MacKinnon]

Originally Posted by jes h 


We'll probably head to Babies R Us to start trying carseats in till we find a combo that works.   DH loves having his seat all the way back.  Mostly, I think he is going to have to get over being a little more crunched in his seat in front.  Better for him to figure that out as we are trying new seats, rather than my telling (nagging) him to get over it. 

I'm totally lurking over hear because I have high HCG levels that have me freaked out but I am a car seat tech and just worked on Friday with a foster mom with three (non related) kids between 1 and 2! I would encourage you to look at convertible car seats with good low and high levels. With the right seat, you could go from a newborn to a four or five year old in one seat! Take some time ahead to look over the Family Safety forum at seats that are recommend. Also, if the twins are neuro-typical, and don't have developmental delays, they can be pretty upright at this point, giving your DH more room to scoot his seat back. Please don't take your 3 year old out of a harness, that is not recommended, but yes, three across in a Subaru is NOT easy. You might have to replace all three seats. Babies R Us will give a twin discount when buying two of the same seat. Congrats and good luck!!

[jes h]

Originally Posted by MacKinnon 

 I am a car seat tech and just worked on Friday with a foster mom with three (non related) kids between 1 and 2!

So, if I wanted to find someone to help me with this, how do I find them?  I searched car seat installation in our area, and came up with the Family Resource Center for an appointment.  Should I make an appointment, search out seats that will fit as best as we can tell at the store (I mean, trying them) and then bring them with us?   I am not confident about installing the seats, since accessing the LATCH points is going to be extremely difficult with all three seats.

I am definitely not moving him to a high backed booster.  He technically fits the requirements... but I'm not doing it.  Just looking at the boosters with just the seat belt made me tear up a little bit with worry.   I decided I'd rather just call my mom (who lives a block away) to shuttle us in her SUV if I can't make this work (though I am much more hopeful that it will now).  We'll just have to keep squishing things till something fits. 

Thanks for the tip on Babies R Us, I would never have thought of that!!!!!

[SunshineH]

Hope everything goes well!

Just a quick thing on carseats - it can be tough to fit 3 across.  We have 1 Sunshine Kids Radian - it's a 5 point convertible and is very skinny.  Wish I would've bought 2 instead of the Graco with the huge cupholders...

[jes h]

I have been looking at the Radians.  I am going to really try without ordering the Radian - The closest dealer is 3.5 hours away, and I don't want to order it; I'd rather be able to try them all out (also I think the sticker shock would kill hubby if we didn't try everything else, first).  However, if nothing in Babies R Us works, we may just need to make the drive.  Luckily, I can play around with it this week, and then if we need to drive out, we can go this weekend.

[MacKinnon]

Radians are notoriously hard in Subaru's, so they might not work. In fact three across in Subaru's can be especially hard but with puzzling one forward and two rear you should be ok. I would go to Babies R Us and take the seats out to your car to try them. The Safety First Complete Air is also narrow and more affordable. Or even just a basic Cosco Scenera. We give the out and have good luck with three across. The Evenflo Maestro is a narrower forward facing only seat that might work for your DS. If you can find the model without the cupholders, it will puzzle better with two rear facing seats that sit up a bit higher.

I would call your local tech and tell them what you need to do. If you called me, I could give you free seats for the foster babies. And I would be able to recommend some options, as well as let you try it some of ours to see if they fit. Chances are they will tell you to buy the seats then come in.