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My daughter has always called me by first name

post #1 of 31
Thread Starter 

she also calls me mom. 

I never had a problem with it.  I am her parent but we do hang out a  lot. 

Like yesterday we went to a fun park and played for about an hour, laughing and having a grreat time.  We mt.bike, run, hike, play together  as much as possible.  I also disapline her and am quite strict, therefore she is not a brat and NEVER has we got in trouble for being a brat at school. 

She is 11.

So, yesterday our extended family and our family (3 of us mom,dad and daughter), went out for dinner.

My dd address me as Michele.  WELL, my sil said that is not right, and once her son called her by her first name and she freaked out and told him, 'I AM YOUR MOM!'. 

Am I weird not to care?  I never thought of it until now.

Thanks.

 

 

Mom  ha ha

post #2 of 31

Our kids often call DH by his first name, almost interchangeably, with "Dad" and "Daddy." We've never really noticed it and would never make a big deal of it as all those names are said with love and respect. I have affectionate nicknames for each family member -- to my mind this falls under the same category.

post #3 of 31
Thread Starter 

Makes sense to me.  How old are your kids?

Thank you for responding.

 

Michele

post #4 of 31

My ds calls both dh and me by our first names as well as by dad and mom. My SIL had a major freakout about how I let ds be disrespectful to his dad (she must not have noticed ds did the same to me). I think ds does this partially because he's an only child and hears us call each other by name more than he hears "mom and dad." Also, he is aware it gets confusing in a group when all the women are moms and all the men are dads. Using our names is his way of sparing people confusion. Or getting my attention when calling "Mom!" didn't work.

post #5 of 31

I call my dad by his first name. To be honest in my head it's interchangeable with dad. Sometimes I have to stop myself from saying "my Richie" instead of "my dad." But I do sort of wish I hadn't gotten into that habit. And I love when my DS calls me mama. 

 

Edited to clarify that my DS is just 12 months. I just stumbled on this thread. We'll see what he calls us when he's a preteen. Probably just hey lady, when's dinner. 

post #6 of 31
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by illiterati View Post

 

Edited to clarify that my DS is just 12 months. I just stumbled on this thread. We'll see what he calls us when he's a preteen. Probably just hey lady, when's dinner. 



hahaha :)

 

post #7 of 31

I think it would be odd to hear my children (11 and 15) call me by my first name (outside of introducing me) because they never have. I suppose my reaction would depend on why the change. If they were distancing themselves from us and then dropped the "mom and dad" moniker, I might worry. I still call my parents mom and dad. My DH calls his parents mom and dad. The only kids we've encountered that call their parents by first names are those from blended families or angry teenagers who don't like their parents and wanting to injure them by dropping the endearment of "mom" or "dad." I'd say it's unusual but if it's how your family has always worked, I wouldn't worry about it.

post #8 of 31

 

"Mom!" "Mommmm!" "MOMMMM!!" At this point, after I've failed to hear her yelling for my attention, DD will give up and call me by my first name. She also calls me "Mommy" and "Mamma" sometimes still. 

 

When he was about 3 or 4, DS called DH by DH's first name for awhile. We thought it was cute. If it had lasted, it would have been fine. We have friends who have always been called by their first names by their 3 children. 

 

If your SIL prefers to be called "Mom" or something like that, then she's entitled to request her children use that term. I don't think she's entitled to criticize anyone else's preferences or choices, including yours, OP. 

 

 

post #9 of 31

They can call me what they like.  Since I secretly call them obscene names under my breath.  I kid!  They've never called me by my first name but they're more than welcome to.  I tune out all "MOM" references since they're mostly used to torture me.  Again I'm kidding. 

post #10 of 31
Thread Starter 

Imakcerka:  I love you!  ha ha you're so funny!

post #11 of 31

Straightforward "Mom" and "Dad" here, though when they were toddlers we'd get the occasional hybrid "Honey-Mommy" or "Honey-Daddy."  This was quite a relief, because we were more conscious of how we were speaking to them than to each other, and "Yo, Tavern Wench" or "Hey, Cowboy" would not have cut it out of the mouths of babes.  Not at all.

 

FIL would consistently call MIL by her first name to DH.  I didn't get why this bothered me until just a few years ago -- he died in 2000 -- when we were sifting through our own midlife first family issues.  In some cases the usage could be just a casual warmth, but FIL was a terrified, self-absorbed, emotionally violent man.  Calling his son's mother by her first name to his own son struck me as a possessive claim on ALL her focus, identified her to their own child as specifically not-Mom.  What bothered me is that it was done as part of overlooking the child.  In the OP's case it feels like part of an obvious connection with the child.

 

 

post #12 of 31

My kids call me "Kate".  Dd took it upon herself to start calling by my name when she was 2yo.  Ds just followed suit.  I'm sure they'll be doing the same when they're 11.  It doesn't bother me really, but there is the odd moment when I wish I was "mommy".

 

I remember when I was around 11 myself I made friends with a girl who called her parents by their first names.  I always thought it was the weirdest thing.  It made me think that their family must be really different somehow.  It really made an impression on me.  Well, here I am 24 years later with the first-name-calling kids.  I think we're just a normal family, lol!

post #13 of 31

I started calling my Mom by her first name when I was 9 or 10. We'd be skiing, and if I called "Mom!" on the slopes, 15 women would look - but not my Mom. If I called "Sandy!", she'd look every time! I called her Mom at home, though.

 

Our kids always call me Mom, and they call their Dad "Dad" at home, but he's their Scoutmaster, so they call him by his first name at Scout functions (just like the rest of the boys). If they've been on a 2-week campout, it takes them a while to revert back to "Dad", but DH doesn't mind.

 

As long as the attitude is respectful, it shouldn't matter what they call us.

post #14 of 31

I call my mother mama to this day.  My DH calls his dad Jerry after "Jerry Seinfield", his real name is Paul.  I think attitude is more important than a label. 

post #15 of 31

Calling a parent by their first name is strange territory to me. It's like the Jackson family only calling their father by his first name Joseph and we now see how much of that family turned out.

post #16 of 31

I wouldn't love it unless we were out and my children needed to get my attention.  I would much prefer a different nickname to my real name being used.  It seems so impersonal to me, though I can't say I care what other people do.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Apples12 View Post

Calling a parent by their first name is strange territory to me. It's like the Jackson family only calling their father by his first name Joseph and we now see how much of that family turned out.


  dizzy.gif
 

post #17 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaMadly View Post

 

FIL would consistently call MIL by her first name to DH.  I didn't get why this bothered me until just a few years ago -- he died in 2000 -- when we were sifting through our own midlife first family issues.  In some cases the usage could be just a casual warmth, but FIL was a terrified, self-absorbed, emotionally violent man.  Calling his son's mother by her first name to his own son struck me as a possessive claim on ALL her focus, identified her to their own child as specifically not-Mom.  What bothered me is that it was done as part of overlooking the child.  In the OP's case it feels like part of an obvious connection with the child.

 

 

 

I can't comment on your IL's and your DH's situation, since it sounds like there was a lot going on there. I'll just note that I prefer MY DH to call me by my first name, not "Mom", even when our children are present and when he is speaking to them. He has a Mom. She's alive and we see her together. I am NOT his Mom, and I think it's weird to hear him call us both "Mom". In fact, when DH calls me "Mom", I'll say something to object to it. 

post #18 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Apples12 View Post

Calling a parent by their first name is strange territory to me. It's like the Jackson family only calling their father by his first name Joseph and we now see how much of that family turned out.



Do you really think that was the source of problems for the Jackson family??? 

post #19 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree View Post

 

I can't comment on your IL's and your DH's situation, since it sounds like there was a lot going on there. I'll just note that I prefer MY DH to call me by my first name, not "Mom", even when our children are present and when he is speaking to them. He has a Mom. She's alive and we see her together. I am NOT his Mom, and I think it's weird to hear him call us both "Mom". In fact, when DH calls me "Mom", I'll say something to object to it. 



Yeah, my DH doesn't call me "mom" and I don't call him "dad." We do refer to each other as such with the kids though... "go tell Daddy it's time for dinner," "Mom is going to drive you in the morning." Sometimes, if I'm sick DH might say something like "we gotta take care of the mama" referencing more my position in the family as opposed to actually calling me "mama" lol. It's what is natural for us and I don't think uncommon.

 

post #20 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree View Post



Do you really think that was the source of problems for the Jackson family??? 



Yeah...Joe Jackson also was physically abusive to his children.  He wasn't a warm and cuddly father figure...he ruled with an iron fist because he wanted to keep his kids off the streets but failed to notice that he was hurting them with his rage.  I highly doubt OP is emotionally or physically abusing her dd.  And also the difference is that Joe Jackson's kids weren't ALLOWED to call him daddy. 

 

My dd calls me mom and has never called me by my first name but I think if it works for your family, whats the prob? I don't go around saying "Daughter!" LOL   And anyway...some of the most "polite" families on earth can be really mean.  Look at Joan Crawford insisting on being called "Mommie Dearest.." didn't seem to make much difference in that family. 

 

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