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30+ First Time Mamas

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 

That's me -- I'm 31 and having my first child (after a stillbirth more than 10 years ago).  Any other first time mommies out there who are 30 years old or more?

 

 

post #2 of 16

I'm 35 and this is my first. I'm actually quite glad I waited until now to do this. I'm glad I got to do so much in my 20s and early 30s before turning my focus to becoming a family.

post #3 of 16
Thread Starter 

I hear you.  I am also very comfortable and happy to be pregnant at this point in my life.  My husband and I have had 6 years to enjoy each other and I have reached all of my goals at this point.  It seems I only have one dream left to reach, and that's motherhood.  That's a great feeling.

post #4 of 16
I'm not a first-time mom (expecting #3, at age 37), but I had my first at 31 and just want to express solidarity and encouragement! I couldn't possibly have imagined having kids any earlier--I'm really glad I waited!
post #5 of 16

Yep, I'm 35. I feel pretty apprehensive about embarking on this "at my age" when so many of my friends had kids in their 20s, but there was just no way I would have been ready then. DH and I have been married for 13 years and this is the first time I felt capable of making this decision. I wish my brain worked differently but I think we will be much better parents now than we would have in our 20s. (Well, me at least... I'm sure he always would have been a good dad.) That's just speaking for me personally. Obviously so many younger parents are terrific moms and dads. It's just that I wouldn't have been.

post #6 of 16

I'm also 35 (will be 36 next month).  Relationships and life just didn't align for babies until now and I'm pleased to say that I've accomplished many of my career dreams before this change in life.  I'm still attempting to keep my small business open, as my identity is very attached to my vocation, but I'm also happy to be in a situation where my partner is supportive and financially I don't have to bring in the cash I used to.  

 

It is weird to be immediately lumped into the high risk pregnancies category and I've been feeling OLD quite a bit, as doctors and other moms learn my age.  That said, the tests have all been good and I'm probably more healthy than I've ever been in my life, so lifestyle may have made up for my "advanced age".  ;-)

 

 

post #7 of 16

It's funny. For a while there in my 20s I was feeling kind of crazed and alone and wondering if I'd ever find a partner or have children. I'm so glad none of that happened then! DP is awesome and I think I'm finally old enough to understand that people aren't perfect and that's okay. I'm so much happier knowing that. I've been in my career for almost 15 years now and honestly, I've been looking for something else to do for a while now. I work in visual effects and while it's kind of awesome and can be fun, it's also full of long hours, unpaid overtime, constantly searching for new contracts and lots of instability. It's just not worth it anymore. This is a great time to be taking a year (at least) off with the baby. I would never have been financially able to do that in my 20s and not stress about it. Yes, it'll be an adjustment only having the one income, but so worth it, I think.

 

So many women are waiting until their 30s to have children now that it's not so unusual anymore. I was worried about being treated like a high risk pregnancy, but maybe Canada is just different with that. I was told that until I'm in my 40s here they don't really worry about it or do anything differently. Most women I know in the US have been given extra tests and told they're so high risk for being 30-something. 

 

Goodness... I can't imagine if I had actually started having kids with some of my exes. *shudder* 

post #8 of 16

That's me. We started TTCing when I was 31. I turned 35 "advanced maternal age" last November and 7 days later I got this BFP. I'd rather be younger, but it is what it is and I'm happy to finally be here.

post #9 of 16

Hi -- thanks for this thread -- I'm 36 years old and will be 37 in April, due with baby #1 in July. I had honestly pretty much accepted not having a baby in this lifetime in a previous relationship where that wasn't looking likely, and I was okay with that. But now I'm in a much, much better relationship with someone who really wants to have kids, so it made sense to get started, give it a try, and see what happened -- and here we are! We're getting married in May (6+ months pregnant), that'll be amusing. We'd been planning the wedding for months before I got pregnant.

 

There's more I want to write but I can't right now; combination of nausea, vomiting, and having to go to an appointment. More later.

post #10 of 16

Hi everyone!  I turned 39 today, and am in my 15th week with our first child (due late July/early Aug).  I was nowhere near ready for children until my DH came along in 2009.  We had 2 losses in 2010, but are very optimistic about this pregnancy.  Yes, doctors remind me all the time of my age making me 'high risk' but I am happier and healthier now than ever.  Life has an interesting way of playing itself out, and I am excited and ready for this new chapter to begin!

post #11 of 16

I'm curious - since so many doctors are quick to label women in their 30s as high risk, even though it's not all that uncommon for women our age to be having babies these days, how many of you are doing all of the genetic testing stuff? Did any of you get told you have to do extra tests because of your age? 

 

DP and I declined all of the genetic testing and won't be doing anything of the sort. It's just not something I want to let myself worry about. I can be a bit of a stress case over certain things and hearing ratios and percentages of the baby having/not having something would get me all worked up. Not to mention the waiting to find out the results! I figure we'll get what we get and do the best we can with that. I've noticed that we're in the minority, though. Most women seem to be doing the tests. Some friends of mine in the US have told me that they were never even told that the tests are optional by their doctors. 

post #12 of 16

We did the first trimester screen; luckily it came out with numbers I was comfortable with, so we won't have to struggle with the decision of whether to do amnio or CVS. (Obviously any number of things could still go "wrong," but further testing doesn't seem to be justified based on the probabilities.) It's just something that I personally felt I needed to know, so I never really considered not doing it. I definitely hear you about the stressing over numbers, though. I never asked myself what I would do if the results came back "borderline" or whether it would stress me out more to have vs. not have those numbers. It is definitely an iffy proposition.

 

In my case, I knew I had a choice whether to get the tests, because you always have a choice, but I will say that they didn't necessarily make that abundantly clear. They didn't exactly pressure me or anything, but it seemed to be understood that my midwife would be sending me to genetic counseling at least. Once at the counseling, they were more hands-off. They showed me the screening/testing options and what they could tell me with what kind of accuracy, and it was clear which they thought were the best options to start with, but they made it more clear that it was my choice whether to do any of it or not.

post #13 of 16
Thread Starter 

Testing is a such a personal choice, and I can understand why many women want to have all kinds of tests done. 

 

For my part, I have refused all tests and even all sonogramming (even doppler!).  We are really dedicated to keeping this pregnancy free of as much outside intervention as possible because our goal is to foster the growth of the fetus uninterrupted.  I never had a discussion about this with my midwife because when I interviewed her I wanted to be sure that she understood my stance, after I had done a lot of research into all kinds of testing. She went over all the tests with me to be sure I wasn't missing anything.  But that was it.

post #14 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by scowgirl View Post

We did the first trimester screen; luckily it came out with numbers I was comfortable with, so we won't have to struggle with the decision of whether to do amnio or CVS. 

 

We did the same thing.  Initially I was all about it, but as the date got closer and closer, I realized that I didn't want to proceed with further testing if we did get a less positive result, as an amnio or the other invasive testing frightened me for the safety of the baby.  It was a tough day and my doctor said they wouldn't have suggested it had it not been for my age being 35.  That said, our happy results did give us some peace of mind about our baby's health that was nice, as well as the opportunity to watch the little one move about in the ultrasound.  So overall, it was a good experience that I do not regret.  

post #15 of 16

Initially we planned to have any/all non-invasive screenings done (such as blood tests and nuchal ultrasound, but no amnio or csv) - just so that we could be prepared for any special needs.  However, as a newcomer to Canada I had a really tough time finding a doctor and missed the opportunity for the 1st trimester tests (this was very upsetting to me at first).  When we traveled back to the U.S. for a doctor, he spent the whole time discussing my age/high risk factor, statistics and the importance of amnio, etc. - which didn't make me feel too great, but we are still sticking with our plan.  We'll be able to get the 2nd trimester blood screenings next week and an ultrasound at 18wks (both here in Canada) - I'm looking forward to the u/s mostly so that I can see our little one up close!

 

I'm learning to let go of the weeks that have past and the missed opportunity for the early tests.  I'm cautiously optimistic about this pregnancy and trusting my body to turn out a healthy baby!

post #16 of 16

Hi all-

 

I'm not a first time mom, but I had my first at 35 and now at 39 I am expecting #2.  I'm with the rest of you who say that you can't imagine having kids any younger- DH and I had 10 years together as a married couple before embarking on parenthood, and we are so much more settled with finances and careers.  

 

It never crossed my mind to get any testing done, either with my previous pregnancy or this one, regardless of my age.  We go to a MW / OB practice, and no one ever mentioned it except in passing.  They can tell that I'm more hands-off, and the results wouldn't really change anything for us anyway.  I do have several other risk factors, including a blood clot and hyperemesis, so I will be going for a level 2 ultrasound in a few weeks and I have to go to more frequent appointments, but that's about it.

 

I'm with NewMumJoy- non-invasive screenings are fine, but anything else???  No way.  I refused to even pee in a cup until I was 14 weeks along.  shy.gif

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