Big Fan of Family Bed, but Now it's got to stop -- iDEAS for how to help convince kids?

[mimmish]

So my kids (10 & 7) have been co-sleeping with me off and on since birth. My idea was that they would grow out of it when they were ready. I have encouraged them to sleep in their own beds, and provided them both with nice rooms.  When they were 3 & 6 I started to insist on them going to bed in their own rooms, and then they could come into our room (their parents' room) in the middle of the night if they wanted. 

Then two years ago their dad and I split up, and as they responded to the stress of the separation/divorce, they wanted to sleep in my bed again.  They also sleep in dad's bed when at his house.  This is NOT an issue between us as parents -- we both think it's not ideal, at their ages, but also appreciate the benefits of making the kids feel safe and secure.

But now I've got to get my kids into their own beds.  I'm about to get remarried, and have another baby, and I can't have my older kids in bed with a stepdad!!!

Of course when I try to talk to anyone about this (mediator, for example), all I get is an earful about how bad it is that my kids are still in my bed AT ALL at their age, instead of constructive advice about how to make them feel better about moving into their own beds. (The instructor in the "parenting through divorce" class that I took said, and this is an exact quote, that "the family bed isn't technically dangerous." Didn't make me feel like opening up.)

Can anyone offer me any tips about how to do this?  It's time-sensitive and important, but I also need to be true to my own beliefs about the family bed, so I can't tell my kids it's "not okay" in some fundamental sense.

Thanks!

[rnra]

My aunt was in a very similar situation with her boys (ages 6 & 10).  Here's what worked for her:  she bought a bunk bed that had a twin bed on top and a full bed on bottom.  The boys came with her to pick the bed, blankets, paint, etc.  Letting them help in the process gives them some personal responsibility.  Rather than insisting that they sleep on their own, she just presented it as "this is the bedroom for the two of you."  Now the two of them sleep together in the full bed about 90% of the time, and in separate bunks on the other nights--they just do what they want.  It's worked well for her and ended up being far less of an issue than she had anticipated.

[smokeylo]

With kids that age, you should be able to talk to them and involve them in the process. "With a baby on the way, we have to shift our sleep arrangements. How can we make this work for you guys?" 

Good luck!