question for everyone , your fostering , the kids how to deal with things.

[babymouse]

Right now I am a kinship home , this month I am doing the safe and pride program to be a foster mom, (this site has helped me make that decision).

I need to know what it is like when you have a placement, you get the cwll but once they r3 at your home what do you do ,talk to them let them wander around to expore as well how do you react if they come to you and are,physically harmed . this is a random thought thatI am sure we all thought this.

How do you handle seeing something so sad ? 

[lauren]

bumping so it gets seen. It's been quiet around here this weekend!

[jes h]

ditto on the bump!

Our first (and only) placement so far wasn't in any way an emergency, so we had a couple weeks to get ready, and their grandparents had a couple weeks to get them ready.  They visited our house once before, and when the came over it was almost bed time, so we just sort of walked them through the bed time routine and in the morning showed them around the house and talked about how 'we' act in our house (so, kind of went over rules, but more like routines, really).

From a suggestion somewhere else, I did have a small present for them on their bed (water bottles with their favorite cartoon characters... funny because normally I am super anti that sort of thing), with a little card saying how glad we were that they had come to our home.  They liked their bottles a lot, but my initial motivation was to get some buy-in from my own son; he picked out the presents and helped make the card.

I'd love to hear what experienced FPs do with different kids of different ages!

[lauren]

babymouse, have you been physically harmed by the child in your care? Just wondering if you were able to receive any training from your local agency before the placement?

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by lauren 

babymouse, have you been physically harmed by the child in your care? Just wondering if you were able to receive any training from your local agency before the placement?

Oh i assumed she meant the child was physically harmed. Abused. I have read accounts of foster parents online who have received babies who had been shaken, or have broken bones, or bruises. That would be so sad. My boys seemed to never have been abused or neglected, thankfully. I imagine my daughter had a really chaotic life before she came but she doesnt talk about it.

I could have misunderstood though.

[lauren]

You are probably right, Katherine! I shouldn't read when it is late!!

[alwayslearning66]

Ours was 3 when he came. We met him one time the day before in a kinship placement that was very short term. They helped with the transition by talking us up and providing all his things neatly wrapped up in a box. DHHS talks about these transitions in trainings, .We all came together since our older child was eager to meet him and he'd been with children before without any complaints/negative history. That also helped with the car ride since there's an immediate bond between kids - a kid culture of sorts- sometimes. He was not resistant, just a passive shell with minimum questions, and a bit of excitement.

At the house, we showed him his room first, knowing that having his own room would be a new concept and that he may want to make use of it. We put out age and interest appropriate toys throughout the house and let him wander. We talked to him about communication and expectations (meal times, food preferences, pet intros, etc.).

He did not hurt us until many months later once the honeymoon period had run out and he felt safe to push boundaries/express his real self. One important thing we did for the first year was document EVERYTHING. This was to cover any possibilities of accusation of poor care. When an accident did happen that meant a late trip to the ER, we felt pretty good given that we had good communication with DHHS up until that time. They saw the whole situation for what it was, a simple childhood accident common to many kids. They also supported all the measures we took to decrease harm to our family. Really, his behavior was that of a child one year younger, so the physical "violence" was not too surprising and is now nearly disappeared.

Best of luck!

[babymouse]

Hi, I am just wondering about how this is dealt with . I kinda have a fear of a child coming here harmed . I was just thinking about it that night . I as well got emotional when thinking of it . 

[babymouse]

That is onething that I did not do was write everything,down with the kinship child , after hearing all the lies that the parents are saying well the mother father will be seeing her this monday so he should start with it too I assume.. everythig will be writen down just like in the sup visits. 

this all has helped me out thank,you , if others would liketo shRe there stories I would love to read them .