Max arrived by failed induction and c-section :(

[lisamarie1081]

Hi, Ladies!

First, let me thank you all for replying to my updates last week as I lay confined in a hospital bed.  I wanted to let you all know that my first child, Max, was born on Monday, January 23rd at 1:24pm.  :)  He is a beautiful miracle.  I am enamored with him ... and I never wanted a boy.  ;)

But, why did I even bother writing a birth plan?  Preparing since July for a hypnobirth?  Learning all about my options for a safe, natural hospital birth?  And, why did I psyche myself up to deny all medication while there?  Please forgive my pessimism, but I'm struggling to accept all that's happened in the last week, adjust to being a new mom, deal with my DH being a new dad, and adjust to being away from my family at such a monumental time.  I need to vent, and I don't feel like there's anyone who does or would understand this.  :/  So, below you'll find Max's birth story -- I'd love your feedback if you'd like to share .... and thanks in advance for reading.

I was 42 weeks pregnant, to the day, when I walked into the hopsital to be induced.  I cried the entire day and night on Friday and didn't sleep even one hour Friday night into Saturday.  I wanted no part of this induction.  I believed -- and still do -- that my body was made to birth a baby ... time is relative.   No one else agreed.  After having a complete and total emotional breakdown in the doctor's office at her insistence that the baby must come out that afternoon, my DH was scared stiff about our baby's well being and my parents (mom's probably my primary support system) just agreed that I probably shouldn't wait any longer.  After all, they rationalized, no one knew how big the baby was or what position he was in ... it could be a necessity in the end, she thought.

So, I reluctantly did it.  That's probably part of the reason it didn't work. 

I was given a Cervidil insert around 10am on Saturday after arriving at 7am.  About 8:30am (before any induction procedures began) I lost my mucous plug ... I know that doesn't mean labor is imminent, but it did show the my body knew how to expel this baby.  I started contracting and continued through the day -- my 1 cm dilation and 80% effacement went to 100% effacement and 1.5 cm dilated by 11pm Saturday evening.  The doctor felt it best to remove the insert and allow my body to "try to work on its own" overnight.  (Probably, she just wanted to sleep the night since there were no other impending births that evening.)

On Sunday, they started pitocin at 1cc/hr -- increasing the dose by 1cc each hour.  After a long day of steady contractions, I was 3 cm dilated and 100% effaced by 10pm that evening.  The doctor, again, wanted to discontinue the inducing agent and start again in the morning -- I begged her to just let me go.  At midnight, the pain was unbearable and I elected to have the epidural.  Now, of course, I'm tied to the bed with all kinds of tubes, including a catheter and fetal monitor.  The nurses need to see the contractions in order to rationalize increasing the dose of pitocin -- but I needed to lay on my side because of the epidural and they were unable to monitor them effectively, so the dose was never increased over night.  I think we ended on 13 cc/hr. 

A new doc was on call in the morning on Monday -- the doc who was so insistent on my being induced in the first place.  THis is the last thing I wanted, but by now I really just wanted it to be over.  She checked in with me first thing in the morning and I was only 4cm dilated.  She had 2 sections to do and indicated that she'd check me again after those and then make some decisions.  By this point, I HAD NOT EATEN ANYTHING IN 3 DAYS and now they weren't allowing me to have anything other than ice chips.  I felt drained.  I had never been through labor but I couldn't imagine that I was equipped to do the work involved with it on such low fuel.  I told the doc this and she insisted that my contractions looked good -- she wanted to stick with the induction and try for natural birth ... that is, until I got a fever and the baby's heartrate began to increase.  I didn't want to risk danger to the baby (though I can't imagine what all that medication did to him ... or me ... in the long run), including a traumatic birth using vacuum or forceps ... so I elected to have the c-section.

A flurry of people entered the room, I was signing releases every which way and my family left the room as my husband prepped for the OR.  The anesthesiologist was great with respect to her demeanor and the way in which she interacted with me throughout the operation.  But, the baby was born and my husband took care of him from then after bringing him to me to see. He was wonderfully healthy -- and his condiiton is still being remarked about by the pediatricians (he has no jaundice, very strong, etc.).  But we had no bonding time at all ... and the remainder of the surgery was excrutiating despite having had an epidural.  I eventually got a dose of some other relaxant because I couldn't tolerate the strong sensation of pressure on the operating table. 

In the recovery room, I didn't know which way was up.  I didn't come out of that fog until Tuesday, either.  My feet were -- AND STILL ARE -- about 20 times their original size due to fluid accumulation and swelling.  My incision has been healing well and the pain, while difficult to manage at times, is tolerable only with Motrin though they pushed Perkoset on me soooooo heavily.   Max and I were released from the hospital on Thursday, having been admitted the prior Saturday.

Upon release from the hospital, Max had lost about 1 lb of his birth weight and our breastfeeding experience was not going well.  He was sucking hard and probably getting no nourishment at all.  After only 2-3 days, my nipples were destroyed and I cried when I put him to the breast.  We returned to the doctor on Friday and he had lost an additional 4 ozs.  Since the poor guy wasn't getting any food, we had to supplement.  And that's where we are now.

I barely have any milk -- "engorgement" hasn't happened yet and  when I double pump, I pump less than 1/4 oz.  We are giving him 1 oz of formula every 2 hrs after I put him to the breast.  At midnight, I'll begin to feed him and he'll suckle about 20 min on my left breast, maybe 10 min on the right (assuming I can tolerate it -- it wasn't a pleasant experience an hour ago).  Then, my husband will give him the formula over 10 or so minutes ... add in burping time.  It takes us about an hour to get him fed -- we get one hour off -- then start again.  It's exhausting.

I totally believe that my milk supply was affected by the induction meds and the operation ... aside from the fact that my birth plan didnt' work out, I'm devastated that I let myself be convinced to make that move to begin with -- I know about the cascade of birth-related hospital interventions and I could've probably predicted this but, I guess, didn't really think it would happen to me.  At the same time, my boy was born at 42 weeks and 3 days ... with all those induction methods, I was unable to birth him naturally ... I do wonder if I would have been able to do it myself at all if I had waited and if that might have been more dangerous to us both.  I'm happy for the amazing child I get to snuggle with but so sad about the string of events ... those that continue to plague me far beyond the birth.

Add to all of that my parents' concern and panic over the course of three days coupled with my DH who didn't eat or sleep in the 3 days I was there.  He was weak, tired, stressed ... he dry heaved when they checked me with the intention to break my water.  I seriously was the only composed one in the room for mos tof the time.  Iwas soooo confident that it'd all still work out.  My parents ended up getting confrontational with DH and his mother (who walked into the hospital 20 min before the birth and said she'd "take the shift from here").  My parents had to leave as I was returning from surgery and though they saw the baby through the window in the nursery, never did get to hold him immediately after he was born.  They didn't see him until we arrived home on Thursday -- that's HUGE given how close I am with my family.  DH's stress and continued lack of sleep didn't make for a good match with my parents' visit ... everyone is tense and now has trouble maintaining conversation when we are all int he same room.  :/

ALL THIS BECAUSE DH INSISTED ON THE INDUCTION -- AND I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT HIS FEELINGS THAT I CAVED.

And now, here I am, enduring what can sometimes be excrutiating nipple pain from a baby who is trying to feed from something that has no reserves (every 2 hrs in a day and 3hrs at night).  I am predominantly cleaning the baby, changing the baby, cuddling witht he baby .... DH has worked on laundry, takes care of dinner, and feeds the baby the formula.  But, his temper is short witht he baby -- and he is complaining about never having a break.  REALLY?!?!?!  I don't know if this is part of the postpardum emotion thing -- but I'm feeling incredibly resentful of him and might erupt any moment ....

So that's our story.  Again, LOVE my baby boy -- amazing little guy -- but so disappointed that I allowed myself to undergo all of those procedures.  My 100% natural plan didn't only get modified .... it was basically thrown out the window when it was all said and done .... and I haven't felt like I have had the time or opportunity to just enjoy my baby because I'm working os hard at making milk for him.  Feeling sad about all this today.  :(

[tropicana]

sorry for your struggles. 

i can give you some encouragement about the breastfeeding. it is hard for EVERYONE, even those who enjoyed the blissful natural birth you didn't get. we all went through the every three hour feedings and, you're right, it's exhausting.

if your body can tolerate having baby in the bed with you, can you just let him suckle in the side-lying position? i found that it is much easier on the nipples.

keep nursing, the nipple pain will get better, especially as your son's latch improves. you can phase out the formula.

i never got the great engorgement that others experienced, but i was able to get through the painful early days of breastfeeding and keep going. for years to come!

you can do it too!! 

i hope things improve for you from here on out. best of luck!

[mariacm]

Lisamarie, first congratulations on your baby's birth! ((hugs))  You are an amazingly strong woman for having gone through 3 days of induction and then a c-section on top of it. 

 I read your birth story and had to reply to tell you that I am so sorry you went through such a horrible failed induction experience and a c-section and that your birth plan didn't work out at all as you planned.  I haven't been through the same thing, but I can only imagine what you are feeling now.  I would suggest calling your local (or nearest) International Cesarean Awareness Network ICAN coordinator first thing tomorrow to be able to talk it all out with someone who can relate.  They can help you process your feelings and heal from the trauma of it all.

Also get in touch with LaLeche League for breastfeeding assistance.  I just had my second, and my nipples are quite sore, and I remember it being even worse with my first (and it last about 6 weeks) but it wasn't as bad as you're describing - I guess my point is I think some soreness is normal but crying from the pain sounds like it's worse than normal and perhaps some troubleshooting would help.  (And lansinoh if you havne't started using that yet).  Also, I don't get engorged and I don't have a letdown sensation at all, but my milk is in, so you can't be sure yours isn't in yet or isn't sufficient.  Pumping is also not always a good way to gauge milk production since the pump can't match the baby.  Baby's pees and poos are the best way to tell if he;s getting enough.

Maybe you already knew all this, but I hope it helps you somehow anyway.  I'll be thinking of you as you continue to heal.

[Devaskyla]

When you hadn't posted for so long, I knew what had probably happened. I've been hoping for days I was wrong. I'm so sorry. *hugs*

First of all in case anyone ever pulls the "you should be grateful" bs, great essay for you to give them: http://www.birthtruth.org/grateful.htm

Second, apple cider vinegar tablets will help with the swelling. The excess fluids are probably contributing to your problems with nursing and definitely artificially increased your son's weight so he seemed to lose more than he really did. If you have a weight from a couple days after he was born, that's a more accurate indication of how much he should really have weighed. You might want to consider some things to increase your supply; blessed thistle works well for me, fenugreek helps a lot of people, oatmeal, mother's milk tea. If your nipples are really raw, a nipple shield might help for a few days until they can heal. If you can do cup or spoon feeding instead of bottle for the supplementing it might help, too.

I second contacting ICAN when you're ready. www.ican-online.org And La Leche Leaque or a IBCLC. They can help you sort out any latch issues that might be contributing to the paib & low supply.

Let yourself heal physically first and get nursing sorted out. The emotional effects are going to take a lot longer to heal. I've been where you are and it's so very hard. Let me know if you need someone to listen.

[element2012]

Lisa I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time.  Know that we are here for you.  Congrats on the healthy baby boy, I am hoping that you are able to find some peace soon.  Big hugs mama.

[juneboymum]

Hi Lisa.  Congrats on beautiful Max!  So glad you have a healthy little boy.  I'm so sorry about your experience.  I can't imagine how you are feeling.  I totally agree with Devaskyla's and other's advise about talking it out with someone who can relate (and perhaps your DH should as well from his point of view - I think they can have a really hard time because they feel sort of useless while we are experiencing childbirth).  Also the advise with breastfeeding.  Fenugreek helped me a lot and I totally remember just closing my eyes and counting to 10 just to bare the initial latch and pain.  I wish I'd used a lactation consultant or LLL with my first.  If your milk supply is really low, you can also be set up with an artificial delivery devise so that Max is getting the supplementation he needs while still stimulating your body to produce. 

Please keep us updated with how you are doing - we are all here to support you as best we can.  It's hard for all of us!  Take care.

[milomama]

With my first, I had a postpartum hemorrhage that led my midwife to think my milk would come in late.  So, I was started on a regime of pumping and giving supplemental formula.  My son was a sleepy baby and took forever to nurse!  His latch wasn't great, so it hurt, and he wasn't sucking effectively.  I understand how awful you feel with the long feedings.  It took an hour to get DS fed, and I  needed DHs help with all the pumping/supplementing - I just didn't have enough hands!  So, we couldn't take turns sleeping or anything.  And we had to do it every 3 hours, even setting an alarm at night.  There was NO break!  It was awful.  

However...it ended.  I know it feels like you're stuck right now, but after about 6 weeks we were done with all that and he was breastfeeding exclusively.  He is still nursing occasionally at 2y10m.  It hurt until about 4 months (yes, a long time, but short in comparison to the length of his nursing now).  I must echo getting LLL help!  I didn't until 6 weeks, and wish i had called right away.  Also, get someone to make a plan with you to get off the supplements and pumping.  My midwife never did tell me how to STOP.  I ended up kind of making it up on my own, but a LLL leader can help you figure out how to gradually reduce any supplements and get to exclusive breastfeeding.  If you want to get to exclusive breastfeeding you WILL get there, it's just a matter of time.  

As far as getting along with DH, I think it's best just to make it through.  It's hard to adjust to a new baby under the best circumstances, what you guys have gone through makes it that much harder.  Try not to make any judgments about things now...in a month or two and with a little sleep everything will look different.  I know I often just walked away from things with DH early on, and tried to tell myself he's tired and overwhelmed.  Now, too, with a new baby and a toddler, it's the same.  I'm really trying not to judge him on anything since we are all adjusting.  Hard sometimes, but it will look better soon.

Congratulations on your son!  Stick with it - he's lucky to have such a strong mama!

[MN BabyDust]

I just wanted to pop in and lend some encouragement. I had my first not too long ago, didn't have a c-section, but I still found that I had a hard time processing the birth. It took a long time and a lot of mental energy to really understand it and not feel like it was traumatic, and I didn't have a bad experience like you.  Be gentle with yourself.

Breastfeeding was still very hard. My nipples hurt like hell for the first two weeks. I just had to get through it, and eventually they get used to it and totally stop hurting. Ditto on finding help through a lactation consultant. And make sure to use Lanisoh. Someone had told me not to use it, that breast milk was the best medicine for the nipples, but was that ever wrong. The lanisoh made a big difference once I started. Also, I never got much when I pumped at first and I didn't feel engorged until much later. I started getting a heavier letdown and much more when I pumped around 3 weeks.

The first few weeks are so difficult. No one can really prepare you for it. Hugs.

[AfricanQueen99]

Originally Posted by Devaskyla 

When you hadn't posted for so long, I knew what had probably happened. I've been hoping for days I was wrong. I'm so sorry. *hugs*

Me, too.  I was also considering the more traumatic alternative, too, so I'm thankful that Max is here and alive.  To that I give a resounding - welcome to the world, sweet Max.  Your mama was ready to move heaven and earth for you.

I'm so sorry with the emotional impact of your birth, Lisa.  I, for one, am a firm believer that childbirth is one of the most important events in a woman's life and it's so much more than the end result of a living baby.  Once you get more settled it might be beneficial to find a therapist that can help with your birth trauma.  Someone that is in no way connected to Max as those that love him won't be able to process so much of what you're feeling.

[Kindermama]

Welcome to the world, Max! Congratulations on your new mother! She went to the ends of the earth to bring you here-what a mother you have! I bet you have a big plan for being here and your birth is just part of the story! 

Lisa....I can feel the pain in your post.   My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine having to process a traumatic birth on top of everything else that happens when you have a baby. Remember that your hormones are going to magnetize everything you feel right now. Still, you have to process what you went through. Your body is caught up in the trauma. Here are some thoughts on bf'ing/birth trauma from a homeopathic perspective.... I'm a homeopath and if you want some homeopathic support, just send me a pm. I'll help you no charge!..

Breastfeeding can be interrupted between mothers and babies for a variety of reasons.  Most commonly it is never well established after a separation at birth and it can take time and patience to remind your body and the baby of this nursing relationship.  There are homeopathic remedies to support this kind of transition and this in addition to some serious bed/skin to skin time with the mamma can help things resume smoothly. 

It is first important to deal with the reason for the separation and SPEAK to your baby about the events that occurred.  Explain the whole story to your baby, including how you felt.  If you have a strong reaction to speaking about the events then chances are your child does also.  Often babies will cry when the mothers and I are talking about the birth story – particularly if it has been traumatic.  This is your starting point for using homeopathy.  It is possible to clear the charge of the story for both you and your baby. 

To address the separation and interruption in breastfeeding it is important to look at how you feel when you nurse.  Are you frightened that the baby is not gaining enough weight, tense, in pain, anxious or angry?  Once you can identify how you feel you can use a remedy to shift that.  Most likely the feeling is coming from events that are unresolved from the birth or the separation.  Set yourself up for success.  Have friends/family bring food, get into bed with your baby and start fresh.  Talk about your experience and think about how you have co-created it with your baby so you can understand what you need/want to bring forward and what you want to leave behind. 

Definitely use Lansinoh. The pain should subside by 2 weeks if his latch is good. Make sure he takes as much as the areola in as you can get in there. Don't let him grab just the nipple. 

You will heal from your birth experience! You have time now. No one is rushing you! 

[coldandsleepy]

Congratulations on sweet Max, Lisa!  I'm so sorry to read about the ordeal that you both went through-- and its lingering effects.  No advice to add over what other people have already said wonderfully above, just sending you good thoughts and love in these difficult early days.

[chilichiki]

Congratulations!! Hope things start turning around for you soon, best of wishes!

[montessorimama1]

Lisa, my heart breaks for you regarding your experience.  It's so hard to come to terms when things don't go the way you planned despite all your preparation.  I can only suggest that you give yourself time to grieve and also that you talk, talk, talk with your husband about what happened (without blaming or hurting).  I wasn't prepared for how difficult it would be to deal with my husband post-partum, and I can't imagine how overwhelmed you must feel right now.  We're a sounding board for you and we are all behind you in your healing process.

By the way, Lansinoh lanolin was a lifesaver for me in the first few days.  I was only producing colostrum out of one nipple so the baby was hitting it hard, and since I couldn't sit up well I had a hard time getting him to latch on well and my nipple was raw.  The lanolin provided a nice protection while my milk came in.

Also, regarding milk coming in, my midwife told me I would probably have delayed engorgement because I hemoraged and got a ton of medicines pumped into me, so I focused on the following:

- visualization of milk flowing through my breasts

- repeating a mantra: "my body produces abundant milk to feed my child"

- eating lots of greens and alfalfa sprouts

- drinking non-alcoholic beer

Congratulations on your little boy, you are a brave warrior mama and he is lucky to be in your arms.  Best of luck and keep us posted...  Hugs!!

[lisamarie1081]

Originally Posted by tropicana 

sorry for your struggles. 

i can give you some encouragement about the breastfeeding. it is hard for EVERYONE, even those who enjoyed the blissful natural birth you didn't get. we all went through the every three hour feedings and, you're right, it's exhausting.

if your body can tolerate having baby in the bed with you, can you just let him suckle in the side-lying position? i found that it is much easier on the nipples.

keep nursing, the nipple pain will get better, especially as your son's latch improves. you can phase out the formula.

i never got the great engorgement that others experienced, but i was able to get through the painful early days of breastfeeding and keep going. for years to come!

you can do it too!! 

i hope things improve for you from here on out. best of luck!

THanks for this information and these words of encouragement.  I DID NOT realize the work that goes into establishing the breastfeeding relationship.  I have friends who recently had babies who complained of no sleep but because their babies were waking -- mine is an angel!, or so I thought.  It probably was just that he was too tired from no food to fuss.  I did try side-lying last night and it is blissful!!!  :) The only thing is that I don't realize when he finished and tend to lose track of time AND I forget he needs to burp.  :/  Anyway -- promising technique for sure. 

Friends also have no problem pumping a bottle or two when they want to go out into the world and be armed with some food .... i can't begin to think of that now. 

Also good to know that not everyone goes through engorgement?  My breasts are slightly sore but not harder than usual  by any means.  It just seems like things never came in as they should have.

[lisamarie1081]

Originally Posted by mariacm 

Lisamarie, first congratulations on your baby's birth! ((hugs))  You are an amazingly strong woman for having gone through 3 days of induction and then a c-section on top of it. 

 I read your birth story and had to reply to tell you that I am so sorry you went through such a horrible failed induction experience and a c-section and that your birth plan didn't work out at all as you planned.  I haven't been through the same thing, but I can only imagine what you are feeling now.  I would suggest calling your local (or nearest) International Cesarean Awareness Network ICAN coordinator first thing tomorrow to be able to talk it all out with someone who can relate.  They can help you process your feelings and heal from the trauma of it all.

Also get in touch with LaLeche League for breastfeeding assistance.  I just had my second, and my nipples are quite sore, and I remember it being even worse with my first (and it last about 6 weeks) but it wasn't as bad as you're describing - I guess my point is I think some soreness is normal but crying from the pain sounds like it's worse than normal and perhaps some troubleshooting would help.  (And lansinoh if you havne't started using that yet).  Also, I don't get engorged and I don't have a letdown sensation at all, but my milk is in, so you can't be sure yours isn't in yet or isn't sufficient.  Pumping is also not always a good way to gauge milk production since the pump can't match the baby.  Baby's pees and poos are the best way to tell if he;s getting enough.

Maybe you already knew all this, but I hope it helps you somehow anyway.  I'll be thinking of you as you continue to heal.

I'm learning this info as I become hysterical throughout a day and do more and more research.  :)  THank you for providing it, though -- especially about the lack of engorgement.  So much information about breastfeeding is "general" and "average" -- I didnn't know it was possibel to NOT be engorged ... or how much I should be pumping out 9 days after birth, etc.  Even when you research low milk supply, every indicator or concern I might have turns out to be something I can't really rely on.  :/  So frustrating ....

[lisamarie1081]

Originally Posted by Devaskyla 

When you hadn't posted for so long, I knew what had probably happened. I've been hoping for days I was wrong. I'm so sorry. *hugs*

First of all in case anyone ever pulls the "you should be grateful" bs, great essay for you to give them: http://www.birthtruth.org/grateful.htm

Second, apple cider vinegar tablets will help with the swelling. The excess fluids are probably contributing to your problems with nursing and definitely artificially increased your son's weight so he seemed to lose more than he really did. If you have a weight from a couple days after he was born, that's a more accurate indication of how much he should really have weighed. You might want to consider some things to increase your supply; blessed thistle works well for me, fenugreek helps a lot of people, oatmeal, mother's milk tea. If your nipples are really raw, a nipple shield might help for a few days until they can heal. If you can do cup or spoon feeding instead of bottle for the supplementing it might help, too.

I second contacting ICAN when you're ready. www.ican-online.org And La Leche Leaque or a IBCLC. They can help you sort out any latch issues that might be contributing to the paib & low supply.

Let yourself heal physically first and get nursing sorted out. The emotional effects are going to take a lot longer to heal. I've been where you are and it's so very hard. Let me know if you need someone to listen.

THANK YOU.  :)

It's wonderful to hear words of encouragement and others' experiences ... that's why i post here.  However, it's even nicer to hear from someone who knew about what I was heading into while it was happening.  I've been dealing with the birth, but it haunts me when I realize that the breastfeeding issues i'm having are probably contributing to it greatly.  It's the gift that keeps on giving, you know?  :/

I am going to start weaning off of the formula supplememnt this week and feed feed feed whenever he wants rather than according to an every 2 hr schedule.  I tried last night and got MAYBE 1 hr of unsettled sleep but LOTS of pees and a poop from it.  Even though it felt like I was feeding CONSTANTLY (literally), he was still hungry after a 1oz supplement -- sucking his hands, suckling wih his mouth, etc.  I wait about 20 min to let him feel full from it,  but it never happened and i had to give another 1 oz of formula once last night.  He hasnt' wanted a pacifier since we've made him content with the supplement, and this morning he's sucking the pacifier ... I'm having a hard time telling that he's really hungry, but latch is improving and it all feels more natural and comfortable.  This is all just soooooooooooooo confusing on top of all the emotions that come with a first baby, a cranky grandma (ugh -- totally different story ... totally stressful), the medical procedures we underwent and the establishment of "schedule" at our house. 

I will start to listen to the hypnobabies breastfeeding track today.  I feel like I've conditioned myself to be very receptive to self-hypnosis and hoping that will help with some of my internal stuggles.

Trying to just take it moment by moment today.  :)  Again, thanks for posting.  I will have many questions -- perhaps several a day  - and will post as i get the free hands to do so.

I hope you are doing well!

[contactmaya]

Lisamarie, congratulations on the birth of your baby boy!!!

Im sorry things didnt turn out. I did not have a c section for my first child, but was induced for being overdue. Since then however, ive had two successful homebirths (one on Sunday)

The engorgement issue is really hard too. The first time for me was so painful and overwhelming, but it gets better. Getting ds to latch on was a night mare and e struggled. But we made it in the end.  

[freestylemama]

Congrats Lisa Marie!

Feel your feelings here.  My baby had to be supplemented with formula too- I'm grateful that it helped her, but it made me really sad.  I was hospitalized for a severe PPH following a sweet home birth and I'm still making up the nursing relationship (and dealing with a love-hate relationship with a breast shield). 

This isn't all easy and there are lots of people who understand and know you're doing a great job.  [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

[Devaskyla]

Yeah, I know. I had feeding issues with my cesarean born baby too. It just makes a bad situation even more upsetting.  If you can, a great idea for getting your supply up and getting baby off supplements is to literally spend a couple days in bed. Just lie in bed with him skin to skin and feed him whenever he even remotely seems like he might want to nurse. Are you aware of hunger cues (besides crying, that's a late cue)? If he's waking up, he's probably hungry. If he's rooting or sucking his hands or trying to latch, he's definitely hungry. Dropping the attempt at a schedule is a good idea, he will eventually fall into one on his own, but for now you need to just nurse as much as you can.

It sounds like you might be over thinking nursing a bit too. It's an easy trap to fall in to. Don't pay any attention to the clock or how many times you've nursed, for how long or how recently, just watch your baby's cues. Paying attention will eventually drive you nuts with "shoulds", especially during growth spurt periods, where a lot of babies really will nurse constantly for a couple of days. The 6 weeks spurt seems to be the hardest that way. I actually wrote a blog post about the problem with paying attention to how often/how long a couple years ago: http://boringestmusings.blogspot.com/2009/08/day-of-breastfeeding.html

Originally Posted by lisamarie1081 

THANK YOU.  :)

It's wonderful to hear words of encouragement and others' experiences ... that's why i post here.  However, it's even nicer to hear from someone who knew about what I was heading into while it was happening.  I've been dealing with the birth, but it haunts me when I realize that the breastfeeding issues i'm having are probably contributing to it greatly.  It's the gift that keeps on giving, you know?  :/

I am going to start weaning off of the formula supplememnt this week and feed feed feed whenever he wants rather than according to an every 2 hr schedule.  I tried last night and got MAYBE 1 hr of unsettled sleep but LOTS of pees and a poop from it.  Even though it felt like I was feeding CONSTANTLY (literally), he was still hungry after a 1oz supplement -- sucking his hands, suckling wih his mouth, etc.  I wait about 20 min to let him feel full from it,  but it never happened and i had to give another 1 oz of formula once last night.  He hasnt' wanted a pacifier since we've made him content with the supplement, and this morning he's sucking the pacifier ... I'm having a hard time telling that he's really hungry, but latch is improving and it all feels more natural and comfortable.  This is all just soooooooooooooo confusing on top of all the emotions that come with a first baby, a cranky grandma (ugh -- totally different story ... totally stressful), the medical procedures we underwent and the establishment of "schedule" at our house. 

I will start to listen to the hypnobabies breastfeeding track today.  I feel like I've conditioned myself to be very receptive to self-hypnosis and hoping that will help with some of my internal stuggles.

Trying to just take it moment by moment today.  :)  Again, thanks for posting.  I will have many questions -- perhaps several a day  - and will post as i get the free hands to do so.

I hope you are doing well!