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44 years old and pregnant

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 

I don't really even know where to begin talking about this. I am 44 and 7-8 weeks pregnant. This took my husband and I by surprise; we kind of feel like it was immaculate conception as we don't even remember having intercourse in the month of December!

 

I have a 14 year old daughter, and after five miscarriages and the help of an endocrinologist, a son who will turn 3 in March. Our son was our miracle baby. We had been trying for six years to have a second a child. Prometrium seems to be what held him. I am now seeing the same endocrinologist and taking Prometrium again.

 

My daughter was 9.5 pounds, posterior asynclitic, a home birth turned into a hospital birth turned into a Cesarean. My son was five weeks early, very healthy, and a natural VBAC. But it was a high risk pregnancy, closely managed in the first trimester, with a whole lot of spotting through my second trimester. I was terrified.

 

There are so many questions about this baby. Will the pregnancy hold (so far so good!)? Should I be concerned about the higher risk of genetic disorder? Will I successfully have another VBAC? Will s/he be early or go to term (my son was 6lbs at 5 weeks early; imagine how huge he would have been had I gone to 40+ weeks!)? Should I plan a homebirth, or stick with the same OB I had a VBAC with? And I'm 44 for goodness sake! How will our three year old handle this? And our 14 year old who is starting high school next year? How will I handle it? My husband?

 

It has really made me face my mortality like nothing else. I will be 63 when this child graduates from high school! While I feel blessed in so many ways, I also thought I was done having children. I was thrilled with two, with a boy and a girl, with a beautiful,  talented 14 year old and a brilliant, super-high-energy two year old. Will I really have the energy to handle a newborn and a three year old? And will this affect my golden years? Will I leave this earth before meeting my grandchildren?

 

I know this probably all sounds so annoying, but they are the thoughts that have been going through my head. I cannot sleep tonight because I suddenly became so worried about what we would do with our little boy when I go into labor and possibly have to spend some days in the hospital! I guess my husband might not room in with me this time. . . Unless we have a homebirth. And while I am a huge supporter of homebirth, I have my own personal concerns based on my history.

 

So I am asking to hear from all sorts of people! Mom's that found themselves pregnant in their mid 40's! Mom's of a surprise #3. Mom's trying for a second VBAC. Mom's who had VBAC homebirths. Prometrium moms! So many things. Are there any good books about middle aged moms?

 

Please share your stories; I would love to hear them. I feel lonely, not ready to tell people yet, worried a little about the reactions.

 

And thanks for your patience with this huge post!

post #2 of 24

i'm 43, and, while not planning to be pregnant again, i just don't see how this is soooo different or you are suddenly soooo much older than you were three years ago when your son was born. ??

i have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. 

why not take it one day (or one week) at a time and see if 1) the pregnancy lasts (as you say, with your history).

i personally would not "worry" over higher rates of genetic disorders. again, you just had a baby, what 40 months ago? 

as for who can care for your 3 year old while you are giving birth... what about your 14 year old daughter? isn't that prime baby sitting age? 

 

i know lots of moms who had babies in their late 30s or beyond. my aunt had her third child (while the first two were teens) when she was 46. and this was in 1994!

 

get prenatal care and keep up your good health. to get pregnant by accident at your age bodes well for the health of your unborn, is my personal opinion. it's obviously good sperm and egg, i think, to take hold with a one shot opportunity.

 

as for the golden years.... again... if you will be 63 when this one graduates, you will be 60 when your son graduates. by the time you are 60-63, what difference does a few years make?

 

 

post #3 of 24
Thread Starter 

thanks so much for your reality check! it's so true, three years really isn't that different.

 

but i think i feel really different. physically, i was the heaviest i've ever been upon discovering this pregnancy, and the most low energy. four and a half years later than my last pregnancy, i just feel much older.

 

my son is a very intense little guy, far more intense than my daughter was, so i think that has been a bit of a struggle. and i think because we were trying for my little boy for so long, the emotional response was so much different when we discovered our pregnancy with him.

 

please don't get me wrong, i generally have a very positive attitude about this. i didn't mention all the ways i feel this is a blessing, for all of us. the sorts of concerns i posted are what swim through my head when i crawl in bed at night, because all day long i just take things moment by moment. and for the most part, i am taking this one step at a time, with caution. but every once in a while, like tonight, the emotions go into overdrive!

 

i know i have to let go of the numbers game. i think really it is more about the surprise. that we weren't really planning on a third. but obviously s/he will be a great companion to our boy, and that is  a huge blessing.

 

my daughter does babysit some, but never overnight. we shall see. she will most likely have begun school when  this one arrives, a new school, public high school after waldorf school, and so she will be experiencing her own major shifts.

 

i sometimes let my fear of the little details take over. it's a bad habit. thank you for reminding me of the bigger picture.

post #4 of 24

Hugs mama... I think I am done with two kids too...and would have major mixed feelings with getting pregnant now...

 

I think you will be okay.

post #5 of 24

I know what you mean about how you feel. I'm 43, this one was a surprise to us as well. But he is our 6th, and the last one I was 40 with. There really is a difference. My energy is very low, and I really "feel" the discomforts a lot more than I did with dd2. I agree with stopping the math. I had to tell my DH to stop doing the math (he had figured out all of it, how many years we will have had kids in the house, how old we will both be, odds of having grandkids before our kids are all out of the house... yeah, NO MORE MATH)

 

But there is a up side as well. No one thinks we are as old as we are, we have ds 24, ds 16 (almost 17), ds 11, dd 5, dd 2, we get people falling over when they find out about our oldest as he doesn't live with us, when he is with us people don't think he is our son, but a brother or something. So kids keep you young! :) 

 

We are all getting excited to meet this latest one, but in the beginning it was really hard to wrap our brains around. So I'd say just go ahead and know that your feelings are just that, feelings, they will change. Don't ignore them, but know that there is an adjustment period. We waited a long time to share our news, there was an infant loss in our family right about the time I was feeling safe to tell, so that was very hard to deal with. And we had lots of screenings early on, everything looks good, but we figured it would be good to know any issues we may have had coming our way so we could be prepared.

 

Oh and CONGRATULATIONS!!! :)

post #6 of 24
Thread Starter 

i am miscarrying, so that answers that. it's been quite the emotional spin, from shock to commitment to loss. i guess it's always that way though. i have a lot of sad feelings about my doubts. goodbye sweet little soul.

post #7 of 24

I'm so sorry. hug2.gif

 

 

post #8 of 24

i'm sorry to read of your loss, fennelseed.

be gentle with yourself...

post #9 of 24

So sorry for your loss- all of your feelings are very normal.

post #10 of 24

I am so sorry for your loss. I also miscarried a pregnancy I wasn't ready for and had lots of mixed emotions in the loss hug2.gif

post #11 of 24

I'm sorry, dear. <3

post #12 of 24
I just read your story and was touched . I am a young 42 year old already a mother to an amazing 13 year old amazing girl ! When I read your blog (don't even know how I got there) I immediately felt some sort of hope of maybe being a mother again someday . You see I been divorced for 8 years and have found love again with someone wonderful .... But he is 10 years younger . We live together and he is my best friend for 2 and half years. Off course that I always question would I want to take the risk to try again when the time comes? Will I even be able to conceive naturally? I feel that what is meant to happen will happen, and when a read your story I felt a sense of hope that I didn't expect of even thought I had. And then.... I saw your last blog and I am so sorry. I hope you and your family came to terms with the loss and wanted to say god bless you and thank you for sharing this experience. Hope you are doing well.
post #13 of 24
Quote:
Never Say Never Because Never Can Happen!

Long story short.  I am 45.  Had our first at 36, our second at 38 and our BIG surprise at 44!  It is possible to get pregnant after 40.  It might not be for everyone, but you MIGHT be one of the lucky ones.  Go for it if you want.  You have nothing to lose.  If it happens just take it week by week.  That's what I did.  My husband and I did not have sex for the ENTIRE time I was pregnant.  We did and I spotted, so I said we would wait because I did want anything to happen.  There are other ways to do things.  Good Luck!  Blessed 3x!

post #14 of 24
Quote:
Never Say Never Because Never Can Happen!

Long story short.  I am 45.  Had our first at 36, our second at 38 and our BIG surprise at 44!  It is possible to get pregnant after 40.  It might not be for everyone, but you MIGHT be one of the lucky ones.  Go for it if you want.  You have nothing to lose.  If it happens just take it week by week.  That's what I did.  My husband and I did not have sex for the ENTIRE time I was pregnant.  We did and I spotted, so I said we would wait because I did want anything to happen.  There are other ways to do things.  Good Luck!  Blessed 3x!

post #15 of 24
DearSmileyface,

I went searching online today, as I just turned 44 at the end of December( now its like every day counts), and we have 4 wonderful Kids. I just learned I am expecting. I'm terrified as I want this, but do not want to risk my life as my Family need me. How did your experience go? How did friends treat you? I need someone I can talk with...
post #16 of 24

Congratulations! I aspire to do the same at your age. I'm in my early thirties but know a number of moms who have had uncomplicated pregnancies and births at your age. One of my closest online friends had a baby at your age a few years ago and it was her 3rd or 4th UC/homebirth also. (I'm not sure exactly how many home births she had, I think I low-balled the estimate.)

 

Women who have babies past 40 and have as many as you do or more are much more likely to live past 100 years! So double congratulations! That's one thing most centenarian women have in common.

 

Somebody correct me if I'm wrong but the biggest risk to older mothers is the increased interventions due to you being considered "high risk."  Also, you will need to pay close attention to your magnesium levels early on. Not only do you need to make sure you are eating enough magnesium, you need to make sure you are not magnesium resistant. Magnesium is the missing link with people who develop diabetes and it is required for the formation of a healthy placenta.

 

I would be taking all the usual pregnancy precautions at that age but also happy because the older mothers actually fare much better in many categories of motherhood. For example, mothers your age, statistically speaking, are better at carrying twins and triplets than healthy young women. You could carry them longer and birth them larger and healthier.

 

ETA:

 

I'm sorry for your loss, and sorry that I failed to notice the other posts somehow - my post was directed to sam'splan, I thought she started the thread....  Failing to see what happened with the OP poster - I hope that you are soon blessed again.


Edited by BlessedJess - 2/17/13 at 11:01am
post #17 of 24

You are not alone.  My family practitioner Nicole Tucker assists maternity, infant, and family health with natural and holistic medicine and have assisted 40+ year old women with their pregnancies and have written and taught a class on this subject.  She can provide a wealth of support and wellness care to assist you with this special time in your life.  Her website is www.NicoleAngelaTucker.com. All the best.

post #18 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by fennelseed View Post

i am miscarrying, so that answers that. it's been quite the emotional spin, from shock to commitment to loss. i guess it's always that way though. i have a lot of sad feelings about my doubts. goodbye sweet little soul.

 

I'm just reading this. Sorry about this emotional roller coaster. Even though I tried to have a 4th, I was freaking out about it after I got pregnant, thinking of how I would handle it all, now I'm not anymore. I think that can be a really normal reaction. Try not to feel bad about that now that things haven't turned out. You did what you could. Sorry for your loss. hug2.gif

post #19 of 24

I am so sorry for your loss.

post #20 of 24
Hello
I just turn 44, I had tubal reversal in LA perform by Dr Eliran Mor and Saddat after the surgery my right tube was blocked from scar tissue, I didn't get pregnant
I went to RCC in San Ramon and had a successful IUI first try whit Dr Hinkcley and Wachs
I am pregnant now joy.gif
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