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1/30 Weekly Chat Thread - Page 2

post #21 of 53

hug2.gif Aimee, sorry you had a really rough day! Hope tomorrow is far better!

post #22 of 53

Good luck everyone with your announcements!!! joy.gif

post #23 of 53

I guess the one benefit to no nap is that she should be going to bed soon (it's 7:15 here) instead of staying up until 10 like usual.

 

It's not that it's terrible with him gone. I'm going to be honest-- I love my alone time. It's something I crave. It's just the lack of a co-parent that makes it tough. I broke down and took ibuprofen after asking a midwife friend if I was going to really hurt my baby (for the record, she said the biggest worry is in the third trimester and that taking one dose at the end of first/beginning of second wouldn't cause any harm). If he had been coming home as usual, I would have just held out and crashed when he got home. 

post #24 of 53

Cecilia, do you think they will want to lower you bp meds? That's pretty scary.

 

My DH is leaving next week for a business trip. It's kind of fun when he's gone, but it will be hard because of the pregnancy.  Though I've done it before and when I had a newborn. He doesnt take a lot of business trips, but when he does they are usually a MONTH. But since we are over here they have only been one or two weeks.

post #25 of 53

I have had a HORRIBLE 12 hours. Last night and this morning I felt so horrible I caved and took a tylenol because I just could not function. thumbsuck.gif

 

I just need to rant- feel free to skip this post entirely. I apologize in advance for those of you that venture reading this--

 

I had a total panic attack last night about having 2 more kids. It really hit me, I actually was just laying in bed (already sick with this cold/flu) and started to cry about twins.. I feel horrible complaining and not appreciating it when I know so many other people would be happy to just have one..  it just hit me.. . It all just compounded with work and declining opportunities I really want to take, and family being absent, and DH being short tempered, and how hard a time we had when DS was a baby adjusting to being parents, then I started to think about having 2 babies + DS + this wolf dog and I just totally broke down (note to self: do not start to worrying when sick.. never pretty). whistling.gif

 

Then on top of that, DS would not go to sleep, he was literally running laps in the apartment. We made the mistake of letting him nap yesterday for an hour. At some point DH (who is sick too) tried to make DS go to bed, then DH got angry/set limits/turned down the lights/ and this triggered a horrible horrible 'terrible two tantrum' around the limits DH was trying to set.. which lasted from about 11pm until 1:10am. I am not joking. Screaming body on the ground rolling tantrum. (What are we doing wrong? Is this normal at this age?)

 

Right when DS finally calmed down and was about to go to sleep- the dog started to puke EVERYWHERE on the white carpets of our rental...so  DS did not go to sleep until almost 1:30AM. I feel like I am a failure as a parent. DS DOES NOT SLEEP. I don't know what we're doing wrong, I just feel like it looks so easy for everyone else and here we are barely keeping above water..   then I think about adding 2 more to this chaos and I just feel like its going to be a total disaster. 

 

When I woke up this morning the dog had gone into the additional bedroom and puked all over the bed and carpets there too..  the yogurt I bought yesterday had leaked from the top of the fridge all the way to the bottom and then onto the floors.. and it just keeps going from there.. bawling.gif

 

Im really just exhausted- I havent gotten any sleep this week, I am really sick and feel like I need a day off from everything. . . why am I such a wimp of a parent?

post #26 of 53

ithappened  SO SO SO Sorry to hear about your hard times.  I sometimes feel as if everything is falling a part with my children too...I have 2 gilrs 8 and 3.5.  They both are really great kids, but when it rains it surely pours.  I second guess all of my parenting and feel like a failure when it doesn't seem like I'm reaching them.  Two is just a tough tough time for a little one.  The communication barrier, the need to be independent, the massive temper tantrums...I get it.  What I recommend to you and your husband it to stick to your limit setting (make sure it's consistent every tiime), and breathe through it.  It sometimes helps me to make sure the little one is safe in their room, and then go outside so that you're not even hearing the screaming.  It's as if that noise makes blood pressure rise, as well as our own tears.  Stressing out about it is the worst thing for you and your twins.  Just give yourself a break.  Let dad handle it (even if it's different from the way you do).  Seriously, go outsdie, take a drive, put on some headphones, whatever you need to do.  And also remember that you're NOT ALONE.  All loving parents struggle with the best way to handle their children and their lives.  It is THE greatest balancing act.  My thoughts are with you...

post #27 of 53

ithappened, as the owner of three dogs, I can totally relate, and no, you're not a bad parent.  I haven't even had one kid yet, but when my husband was away on military duty and I was sole caretaker of three dogs, it was over the top stressful.  I had to wrangle them all for walks, feed them twice a day, provide treats, and then clean up the inevitable puke or whatever inside and the poop and whatever outside.  It was super stressful. You are adding a toddler to this mess and you have two little ones cooking (and double the dose of hormones floating around), so I think you get a special "Amazing Mom Award" just for continuing to breathe.  I think it gets better?  When DS meets the babies he'll adapt and get used to not being the big man around the house and you'll get used to a different level of chaos.  I feel like everything is so much more overwhelming when you're pregnant, and it sounds like your night would have been terrible for a non-preggo too.  Keep up the good work and come rant if you need to!

post #28 of 53

 

Quote:
I feel like everything is so much more overwhelming when you're pregnant,

 

yes- that is so true.

Quote:
And also remember that you're NOT ALONE.  All loving parents struggle with the best way to handle their children and their lives.  It is THE greatest balancing act.  My thoughts are with you...

 

thank you for the support. i was embarrassed after i posted it but just needed to put it somewhere.

post #29 of 53

ithappened - I had to respond after reading your post. I wish I could give you a hug. You are not doing something wrong just because you had a night like that. Those times SUCK unbelievably but they are really actually quite normal in the big picture and you will, if you can imagine it, one day, tell that story and laugh at the ridiculously bad luck of it all. Also, having doubts when you are pregnant (especially with 2!!) is also really truly normal. In fact, with the situation you describe, and your current physical state, I'd probably be worried if you weren't fazed by it at all. It just means that you are human, and you don't have a megalomaniac complex that you can do everything!!! BUT ... you WILL do it all, and you will be in the thick of CHAOS for some time, but you will also be +2 kids richer in love, laughter, and happiness, too. Going from 1 to 2 kids is a tough transition for lots of people, according to my friends (all of which have 2, 3, +) kids - but, you eventually learn to embrace the chaos and manage. The rewards keep coming back. You don't remember the puke, the shit, the lack of sleep, the frustration (okay, you remember them but they are your war stories!) but you always remember the magic moments. 

 

More important than fixing all the chaos (including the completely irrational behaviour of your son) is getting to point where you don't feel like it's something that is about your failure / shortcomings as a parent. Toddlers are freaking insane! seriously! They do things that make no sense and they can be, frankly, miserable. But you don't have to be. If you and your DH can find the energy to  look at each other and laugh at the craziness of being up past midnight with a screaming kid (unless they're sick, god forbid), it starts to shift everything. Add the puking dog in and you may have a truly connecting moment with your partner. Yes, it is still exhausting and a mess, but if you can find a way to start feeling like you and DH are on the same team, it really makes things more manageable.

 

My DH are not fully there yet, but we are working on it and when we can actually support each other during the intense moments, it is transformative. Example - my DD has had a longstanding problem with biting that comes and goes. Once, when she was 2ish, and I actually had just the day before suffered a miscarriage, DD had a long tantrum, I was trying to encourage her to hug me to settle her down and I was down on the floor with her. She opened her arms to climb into my lap and just as I sighed with relief that she was coming around, she sunk her teeth into my shoulders with the strength of a little boxer. I yelped and pushed her away and seriously felt like crying. My husband took her to her room for a timeout and when he came back, we just looked at each other and laughed with disbelief. He held me and I wondered all the things you describe "what are we doing wrong? why is this happening?" etc. etc. He just kept telling me we'd get through it. And we have. Until the next thing comes along, of course. 

 

Anyways - maybe that's too much advice. I just wanted to say that we all feel like we're failing and we are not going to be able to handle more from time to time. But, it is not true, and we will be able to do it. 

 

Thanks for sharing your experiences with us, I hope you are feeling better soon.

post #30 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by intime0 View Post

Cecilia, do you think they will want to lower you bp meds? That's pretty scary.

 

My DH is leaving next week for a business trip. It's kind of fun when he's gone, but it will be hard because of the pregnancy.  Though I've done it before and when I had a newborn. He doesnt take a lot of business trips, but when he does they are usually a MONTH. But since we are over here they have only been one or two weeks.


She said that her guess would be a vasovagal response, which is common during pregnancy, I guess. So no adjustment at this point, but I will be watching closely for more reactions like that and see if they correspond with taking my BP meds.

 

Had a small scare today in that my OB couldn't find gummi bear's heartbeat with the Doppler (found it fine two weeks ago, though). So I had an impromptu ultrasound, and all looks well. Heartrate in the 160s, lots and lots of movement, stretching of legs, opening and closing of mouth, and a cute little profile.

post #31 of 53

 

Quote:
Anyways - maybe that's too much advice. I just wanted to say that we all feel like we're failing and we are not going to be able to handle more from time to time. But, it is not true, and we will be able to do it.

no its not.. thank you so much. I appreciated every word. :)

 

I have no 'real life' friends here with kids so I spend a lot of time feeling like Im going crazy.. it doesn't help that my field is very very much a 'child free' career path.

post #32 of 53

Actually, that was something I meant to write in my last post. About how if we can't always get that support from our DH that other moms can be a huge help. I swear, some of the most cathartic moments I've had have been sharing horror stories with other moms who do not judge and can be as honest and self-deprecating as necessary (preferably over a glass of wine but that's out for now!). Even knowing just one other mom who is also bleary eyed after a night of no sleep and knows how it feels to be losing your mind is helpful. It makes you feel part of a community of strong women each doing their bit. When you are around kid-free adults, and they are moaning about how they are soooooooo tired because they only got 5 hours of sleep after staying up sooooooooo late and they have soooooooooooooo much to do, you can feel like gnawing off your own arm. (okay, I know that sounded judgemental about non-parents - I was probably the same way before I had kids). On the other hand, visiting someone who has kids, whose life is also in chaos, but is still managing to be present for a breastfeed, or a cup of tea with a friend, or helping their tot with something, is a reminder of what is important. I hope you will meet some fellow moms in your community soon. Are you living in a country that is not English? Is that a barrier to meeting people?

 

post #33 of 53

ithappened - I can relate.  not exactly the same issues, but I've been near panic and definitely in tears over the prospect of this third child in our family.  some days (many?!?!) I'm just getting by with our two.  recently it's been fights galore between them.  so I can relate to the "how am I going to do this?!" feeling.

 

I just had my 1st prenatal with a new MW today.  really like her.  but it was a bit of a crazy appt as since I'd met her a couple of years prior I'd not gone to her "intro meeting" thing nor had the free consult thing she does - I knew I wanted to work with her (and her colleague).  but her colleage was at a birth, and another mom was in labor so she had to be sort of quick with me.  and my bp was high - can't even recall it now but I'm guessing it was largely due to my two little ones running around messing up the beds, etc.  they were very sweet and so excited (we just told them today! :) ) but had been waiting while and were antsy.  ugh.  and then at least five min with the doppler on my belly and no heartbeat heard :(  I'm 11w4d, I think, and she sounded confident that we'd hear the heartbeat at that age but she'd not felt for my (tipped) uterus and I'm hoping that's why.

 

I'm pretty confident the baby's fine.  I even told her to stop b/c I didn't want to keep her and it seemed to hard to find it at that moment.  I just thing it was an issue of my uterus being tipped, which my previous MW always commented on, and perhaps my ummm cushiony belly.  but I'm now contemplating an u/s which  I'd planned to skip.  might have to call in the am to see - it would give me peace of mind.

post #34 of 53

I know how that goes, see my post above about the unexpected u/s today...

post #35 of 53

 

Quote:
I swear, some of the most cathartic moments I've had have been sharing horror stories with other moms who do not judge and can be as honest and self-deprecating as necessary.... Even knowing just one other mom who is also bleary eyed after a night of no sleep and knows how it feels to be losing your mind is helpful.

 

yes yes yes! thats one reason I am so thankful for the internet. A tribe without being all in the same 'real' place at once.

 

Quote:
Are you living in a country that is not English? Is that a barrier to meeting people?

 

Yes. Its not only not English but its German and then a dialect of a sub-dialect of 'normal' German so locals tend to have been born and raised here and then never leave. I speak the language well but not well enough that I am 'local' even though I have lived here 5 years. Many people here, they have the same friends since they were little.. most people are like 6-10th generation. I do have a few friends in town but they are all 'not local' and none have kids but one (who just literally had a baby). There is a small expat community here and I went to a few meetings but so far have not clicked with anyone in the group, esp the moms- I found just because we all speak English and are moms doesn't automatically make us friends. They are all nice but we are just extremely different people.

 

On top of that, I am very career driven, in a field which very few professionals/peers have kids and I also am traveling a lot (in Jan for example I have been in 6 countries) and so I have friends everywhere but very very few of them have children and the ones that do that kids typically aren't living in the areas I am going too (NYC, LA, Paris, Munich etc) so I rarely see them. . .

post #36 of 53

Hi ladies.

I've been MIA due to my sister and niece being in town. It's been quite a trip to have a very determined, two year old in my house. My oldest is not particularly handling it well, which has been very shocking. I'll prob. go write about it on the Mom's of three thread. Anyways, I just wanted to say hi and say I've been briefly checking in. I'll be back more next week. I hope everyone is well. I was looking at and loving the belly and U/S thread. Since I won't be getting a US or haven't done the doppler yet either, I'm really enjoying the pics of your babies and imagining that's what mine looks like in there too. love.gif

Have a great week!

post #37 of 53

IThappened. We're all going to go through the rough ups and downs, if you don't get it out on places like this you will go insane. Everything seems so much harder when you're sick, and it doesn't take much more to make it seem even worse. Any news on the job situation or do the budget cuts make it unlikely? Although false hope is always better than no hope.

 

We're having fun with the bank to see if we can take over the mortgage for the place a year earlier than planned. I can't believe I'm going to be subjecting myself to banks, mortgages and all that stuff while pregnant. The only bonus is at least this time I'm not moving when pregnant, that was not fun last time. So this weekend I'll be getting all last years financial records all sorted. Jees life is so much harder when you're self employed. Not that I'd swap it formoving back to the UK and going out to work and all that again,, it's just when it comes to mortgages that things are trickier.

post #38 of 53

oh yessss so happy to not be moving while pregnant or with a just walking newborn.

 

never again

  :)

 

 

no word on the job- the director has been MIA which I think is sort of a sign it wont happen. . .

 

 

post #39 of 53

Did get to do an u/s today.  the tech was very, very quiet (like it was just her personality/professionality?) and I was trying to keep my 3yo and 4yo from bothering her so it was not at all chatty or as informative as I would've liked for the amount of time that wand was up in there!  but the heartbeat was obvious and I was glad to see the little one moving!  due date 3 days earlier according to the u/s but I'm pretty certain of my ovulation so will stick with 8/20ish :)

 

fazer, must be a very different process in Europe - can't quite imagine!  we're also trying to buy a house...  we'll see how that goes.

post #40 of 53

We've been looking at buying a bigger apartment in this area but you have to be local to buy here without a high % penalty tax (can you imagine if they tried to pull thisin the US? ha!) and so its been out of the question since I'm the one who would have the money to finance/buy it..

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