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[MsZelda]

ithappened - ah, Switzerland. I actually worked there right out of high school for one year - in the German part (in a hotel in a little town called Sigriswil, close to Thun) - I too struggled with the language and culture. They understood me fine, as I spoke "high" German, which they knew from school, but I couldn't understand their Mtn-Swiss-German hardly at all. Also, I did feel quite different from the locals, and ended up bonding with the other workers from away, lots of Yugoslavian gypsy ladies (they paid them dirt to work in the hotel). It was a long time ago (20 years!) and I've forgotten almost all of the language but I have my fondest memories of the landscape and the animals there, not the locals!

I'm looking forward to getting an U/S soon. In my province, you only get an early one if something is worrisome, however, once you're over 35 (I am), you get a NS screen around 11-14 weeks. They don't book it in advance, but call you the week of, bc according to my doc, "so many people miscarry by then." Not very reassuring but I guess that is the reality in my age group. I really would like a look at my little "alien" to make it more real because right now the whole experience has felt more like a bad virus than a pregnancy.

[Ninetales]

Sigh.  I've been looking into doulas this week and it's completely overwhelming.  The only one who is remotely in my budget level is still $300.  Another has a sliding scale that starts at $500 and I just don't think I can swing that.  It sounds so lame and pathetic when my husband works a good job and works hard.  He looks like he makes a ton of money but after they take out the insurance, the 401k, and the taxes there is barely enough left to cover our monthly bills.  We really don't have much left over, we have nothing saved, no retirement other than the 401k, student loan debt up the wazoo.

I could probably manage to scrounge $300 together before the baby, but there is so much else I need to spend it on.  I just go back and forth over whether or not it's something I want to do, if it will even be worth it for me, etc.

I looked into doulas in training but what I could find around here led me to people who are basically volunteers, not people who actually want to be certified doulas.  If that's the case I'd rather just have someone I know.  And since I'm a VBAC hopeful I'd rather have someone with some experience.  But I don't know if it's really necessary or will even help me, you know?

[Veritas Vitae]

Ninetales, sorry you're having a hard time.  I haven't even started to think about the birth, and since I'm moving states away halfway through my pregnancy, I know I will be overwhelmed by the prospect.  Hopefully, you can figure it all out. Also, perhaps your husband could help advocate for you, or a friend or a relative?

So funny, I had a dream last night about a friend of mine from work.  I was at her house and she was cooking dinner. Her husband was outside with two little dogs and I asked them why they had the dogs.  It was b/c that had signed up to foster some kids, and she told me they were waiting on two babies, but they gave them the dogs for now since they didn't have any babies available.  Then she cooked me some really delicious turkey breast and gravy with rice.   I told her about the dream when I got into work and she said, "That's so funny, I'm actually expecting!"  So I asked her when she was due and she said Aug. 24. I'm due Aug. 29 so I leaned over and whispered (I haven't announced at work outside of my manager and HR director) that I was due on the 29th but....shhh.  Then we said congrats to each other and hugged.  So funny.  We started together over a year and a half ago and we were on the same team.  Now she is on DP's team.  We're hoping the dream isn't indicative of twins, but we've both already had our first scans to only 1 baby.

[Ninetales]

J is sweet but not very helpful.  At my last birth he kind of hung around and only did what I told him to do.  And for things like this it seems he just expects me to know what's happening and what to do and it just really didn't work.  Plus if it coincides with a time when he's overworked and hasn't slept enough he's basically no help at all.  And then I worry and get tense.

My mom is a supportive person and she's a bulldog and would never let anyone push me around.  But she's awfully squeamish.  My sister is also a supportive bulldog but not really in the same headspace of natural birth as I am.  My only friend lives two hours away and has a three-year-old.  :(

Ugh, I have weird dreams too.  And they always seem bad.  Like where a high school girl who goes to my church came into my job and was like harassing me and putting curses on me.  And I don't even know this kid outside church stuff.  I'm not sure I've heard her speak. 

[MsZelda]

Ninetales - if there is anyway you can swing it, I'd go for the experienced doula. I had a doula for my first birth and the reason I loved having her there is that she had experienced labour with so many different kinds of women that she could anticipate my needs. She also knew the hospital well and could liaise with the staff for me. For example, when we wanted mats so I could labour on the floor, she knew where they kept them and could talk to the nurses about it. She wasn't asking me a ton of questions (something that makes you crazy when you are labouring), she wasn't in my face, she didn't take my vocalizations personally, she kept calm and comforting. It really was amazing. Of course, I'm sure there are all kinds of doulas, so I would definitely meet with and interview one before you pay anything. Also great was that my doula visited me a few times in the weeks after the birth and helped with sleep, breastfeeding, emotional stuff. Truly amazing.

[dovemama]

Ninetales, I am in the same boat. Avrg. Doula price is around 1500 in this area. I had a volunteer with my last birth, but i would be nervous to use another volunteer. Not only was she inexperienced, she just sort of "watched". Which was strange.
Anyways, i am sure there are wonderful volunteer Doulas out there, but that was my experience.

[intime0]

It happened, I'm sorry you had such a rough time.  Sounds like a normal 2 year old. Sounds like a HARD night, I dont mean to sound like it's not.  But you are doing fine. 

One thing I've learned is that some kids just need to sleep less. I have had 2 that napped well past 4 years old, and one till almost 6 years.  And my son stopped taking naps at 2 1/2 and my current 2 year old can't sleep more than an hour at rest time.  Otherwise we are up for HOURS trying to get them to sleep. 

I dont know what you do for sleeping arrangements, but we still lay down with our 2 year old.  We did lay down with our 4 year old until about 3 months ago. now he lays down with his older sister and they go to sleep together.   It usually helps them to fall asleep quicker.

So basically, my advice, for what it's worth, no or shorter naps and lay down with them at bedtime.  I know both of those things arent always possible.  Just remember...these hard stages pass adn then we get a new hard stage.  LOL.

[fazer6]

IH At what point would you ever be classed as a local? Would it be when you get residency or when you've lived there a certain length of time. I can see why they do that though. I'm fromthe Lake district where 2nd home purchasing has pushed up house prices. The hotel and catering staff could never contemplate ever buying a place, and rents are also sillly because of that. It's a bit shitty really, low income people living in a beautiful but expensive area.  At this point I am so glad I didn't go for the 'standard' 2 year age gap. These mood swings and OCD can be such a challenge, I can't imagine doing it with a baby.

I'm sorting out my taxes and all that stuff at the mo, just deciding how much income I want to declare, I don't want to pay a lot of tax, but I need to qualify for the mortgage. All good fun isn't it. Trouble is I don't actually know what income I need to take over the mortgage, the bank have been very quiet about what's actually needed. The good thing is the owner is struggling with 2 mortgages so she's really pushing things and putting pressure on the bank to get this process moving. I'm hoping I just give them some documents and let the owner mess about with the bank and try to get them to see what we have to do to get this mortgage or what rules can be bent. Her mortgage payment is basically what we pay in rent so it's not like we can't pay it.

[ithappened]

fazer6 to be a 'local' I have to be a citizen, I can apply for this after living in Austria for 10 years, passing a bunch of BS test, BUT I have to give up my US citizenship because they do not allow for duals unless you are born in Austria, then they make an exception (e.g. your father is Austrian, your mother is American). I am not willing to give up my US citizenship so I am 'stuck' being a resident and that was only after I passed that 8 hour German test among other hoops I had to jump.

I have been told there are ways around this rule for purchasing property as a non 'local'- like you can have a local lawyer buy the property and hold it under his name with a contract which says you are on the owner or something really screwy like that (esp screwy when you are talking 300-600k USD).  This area is insanely expensive because the largest hospital in the region is here and then the main university is also close.. so we could never afford a house- they all start at all over a million + for even a small one and DH has almost no income so the purchase would be all on me, which although is fine- it also sucks because Im penalized for buying here.. so I don't know what we will do..

[rebecca10]

Hi all!

Checking in after what has been a crazy week.  On the high notes--my daughter turned two on Wednesday and we had a nice party with family yesterday.   Oh, and we completely unexpectedly found out that my husband, a city employee, gets 3 months PAID leave.  So that's excited.  

The low note--still feeling crappy, and on Tuesday had a complete melt down at work, when I realized I had an impossible amount to get done--like seriously 80 hour weeks for the next few weeks.  These types of hours were difficult without children, nearly impossible with toddler, and I'm afraid physically impossible given how awful I am  feeling  (and having my daughter up every morning by 5 sure doesn't help the exhaustion). My husband convinced me I needed to  try to get out of some of the work, and he did give me the courage to ask someone to take over one thing I had last week, so that helped with the immediate crisis, although I'm still terrified about these next few weeks. 

And in the should be a good thing, but I'm actually finding it very annoying department, my in-laws have been staying with us all week.   Seriously, if my mother-in-law gives me any more parenting advice I'm going to loose it. And most of it is so passive agressive--"We've been working on choices this week. . . " and such things. Uh, yeah, I've heard of them.  Ugg. 

[fazer6]

IH that is rough fancy making you give up your US citizenship. That's crazy. My grandfather had to give up his Zimbabwean citizenship to get UK citizenship, but that was way back when there was a whole lot more politics involved in the 2 countries. So you've got your normal residency now then? I guess that means you get the wonders of healthcare and all that fun. Do you get any maternity pay? I get 16 weeks and it'snot that bad especially as I'm self employed. YOu get 9 months in the UK (not sure how much if any self employed people get though), but it's less than I get from Spain (depending on how much things have changed since last time). I got a 2,500 baby cheque which was nice, but took over a year to come through, they've stopped those now with all this credit crunch lark.

Could your DH own a company which had your income going through it so that he'd b e entitled to buy? Although if properties are that much it aint worth it anyway. Our plot is 5400 m2, has a house of 100m2, workshop of 100m2 and another workshop area of 500m2. Plus there's a building at the back of the plot that Jordan's dad lives in, they built it as stables but the boyfriend moved into it and started converting it when they both split up. And all that is 180,000. Now at the moment you can pick up similar places here for 100,000. But they have no workshop and generally the house is OK, but you would have to do it up. Our neighbours spent 50,000 doing theirs up. Ours was newly built 10 years ago so doesn't have a lot of the problems that old spanish properties have. We've been looking for properties since we moved here and this is the best, especially for the price. The house is good (OK I'd like to get a new ktichen and bathroom but technically it does all work), and the workshop is also good and legal as an industrial workhop not just an agricultural workshop.

I can see why you wouldn't want a lawyer owning your property, that sounds way too risky. Plus what if they changed the rules and some way down the line that loophole doesn't exist and you get stung for the tax. Property is just so hard in some places. We mainly came here because of prices (plus I'd livedhere before), in the UK it's just silly. The lake district is so expensive. My sister bought a 3 bed semi detatched house with a small garden in a decent area of the town for the same that this place is costing us. You just can't compare.

[ithappened]

Originally Posted by fazer6 

So you've got your normal residency now then? I guess that means you get the wonders of healthcare and all that fun. Do you get any maternity pay?

I have a US citizenship and an Austria/EU Residency which so far has worked well for me. I get the healthcare of the EU (which is WAY better then the US in terms of both quality and price). I also get maternity pay- in Austria (assuming we don't relocated to Switzerland) I will get 15 months paid from the 'state' I should also get 8 weeks full salary + the time off before birth but because I am self employed I do not qualify. I have to work at a company to get this :( . With DS the maternity pay was around 850 € a month!!! with twins I assume, but haven't looked into it- that I will get around 1600 € a month!!!!! Which would be a HUGE help if we do not find out we have similar benefits in Switzerland I might very well turn down the job. 

Could your DH own a company which had your income going through it so that he'd b e entitled to buy? Although if properties are that much it aint worth it anyway. Our plot is 5400 m2, has a house of 100m2, workshop of 100m2 and another workshop area of 500m2. Plus there's a building at the back of the plot that Jordan's dad lives in, they built it as stables but the boyfriend moved into it and started converting it when they both split up. And all that is 180,000.

Companies can't buy residential properties without a similar tax issue :( and for example, a 100 m2 here cost around 350,000 € for a place which would require a complete remodel (e.g. there is no kitchen, bathroom, electricity etc).. If you want a place 'move in ready' 100m2 will cost you 500-650,000 € (basically 1000 sq ft cost you around 800,000 USD- and thats an apartment. Assuming you get NO land and NO parking). Parking spots here run around 40-50,000 USD per spot. Its INSANE and really depressing.

[fazer6]

Your maternity pay sounds like mine. I get the state pay which was 832 for only 16 weeks which is a bit of a shame, but then again you can't chose a cheap place to live and expect the same high benefits as the UK. If I was at a company it would have no doubt been more. But I was happy with that as it was technically a payrise!

Those property prices are insane.  Down here 500,000 would get you an amazing villa with a pool, decent amount of land, large outbuildings... Is it just because it's a smaller country? We know a belgian who's in the process of moving his family back there and he says rent on an appartment there is about 800 a month (no idea where my euro sign is, keyboard is still set to english, but I just changed over to my spanish keyboard so I can't remember where some symbols are!)

It's such a shame when things are priced like that and you can't ever hope to buy a place (even without the tax issues). I guess if you're employed you probably get paid more, but that doesn't help self employed life. Fingers crossed Switzerland comes off with good benefits, or they can hold off till your maternity ends there and you're no worse off for moving. At least you do get the EU healthcare though, that must be such a relief after US stuff. I think when you're self employed you're meant to find a really cheap place to live and then work on the internet, not find an expensive place to live.