Lise, I'm so, so sorry. Thinking about you both.
Queer Conceptions February 2012 - Page 18
Lise-I am so sorry about your loss.
Nos- I have everything crossed for you and DP!
AFU-We are 1DPO so can I be moved to the TWW! DW was so cute when we did our insem. She kiss my tummy then said "you better get preggers or you'll get this" as she put up her fist. LOL like my innerd are scared of her...oh well I am just glad she has new found hope since we changed donors.
Oh! I almost forgot to tell you all my sister had her baby(2/24/12). It is a lil boy. He is sooo cute and just melted my heart so I am no longer bitter towards her for all she has done. This is my first from birth nephew so I get to start the spoiling early. When DW and I got married I also gain a 3 yr old nephew and we spoil him all the time.
Cananny- The things you are going through sound so promising!!! My fingers are crossed for you and your leap year BFP!!
RS- woo hoo! And I second Carmen- Test! Test! Test! Also my temp usually drops the day of or the day before AF.
Lise- I am so so sorry for you loss
Outdoorsy- Holy crazy cycle you have been having, but you did have a nice jump in temp on Tuesday and with the other signs you noted earlier maybe you did in fact ovulate. Either way, Im sorry you've been feeling so discouraged.
Carmen- Glad things look like they have moved forward and that you seem to feel ok with trying again. I wish you all the luck in the world for a sticky little bean! After all, you are due for one soon.
Skyandtru- Welcome Back! I hope your stay is short and sweet!
Nos- It sounds like your timing will be perfect with the trigger. I love that you are able to use KD as a little boost even if your "gates" are closed Im sorry I dont have any information on your questions though.
Mrs2- FX for you!!
I have a question for all of you. I just found out that my really close friend and coworker is pregnant. She has a stable life and has been with her boyfriend 5 years and they are planning on getting married in September and they have always wanted kids in the future but it wasn't in the plans to happen now. She is devastated. I am upset. I am trying to be really supportive of her and she is so kind that she asked me how I was doing with the news. (She is one of the few people who knows we are trying.) My question is: How do I remain strong for her and not jealous of the LO she has growing in her when she isnt even happy about it. I want to be a good friend and not turn this into something about me but for some reason I feel cheated or something. And in the coming months, I can just imagine it to get harder and harder the longer we try. So, I would love any advice you ladies have on this. Thank you all in advanced. Im pretty sure I would lose my mind without all of you.
Lise: lots of prayers going out your way. It always hurts my heart so much to know what you and DP are going through. Please be good to yourself and know that I'm thinking of you.
Cananny: whoa, mama! Finger and toes triple crossed.
Hopeful: I think one of the most difficult parts of this journey is working through very human emotions -- that of envy and jealousy. It's only natural to feel the way you do about your co-worker and to have to set some boundaries for yourself. Give yourself permission to not be the support you might have imagined yourself to be if the circumstances were different. That's okay. It doesn't make you any less of a friend, it just makes you a different friend. Another thing that has helped me over the years is knowing that this isn't a baby lottery. She didn't just win your chance at a baby. There is enough to go around for all of us. I pray that things aren't too difficult for you but most importantly, that you're not too hard on yourself.
Hopeful, when I first got pregnant with DD, I was not excited. I was in a non-commital relationship with someone I did not plan on having in my life forever. When I read my positive pregnancy test, I just said, "FUCK" out loud to myself. I had just turned 21, was still in school, still lived with my mom and dad, and had a part-time job. NOT where I wanted to be in my life when I had my first baby. I was scared. I didn't want my life to change. My mom even pressured me into getting an abortion, which I did NOT think about doing, even for a second. The father (whom now we call sperm donor) even asked if I wanted to get an abortion. Definitely something I could never live with myself doing. I had a friend at work who was very supportive and tried to help me cope with the soon to be loss of my current life. That person is now my DSp. Even well into 2nd trimester, I still was not excited about having a baby. But DSp changed that around for me and helped me see that that just because it wasn't what I had wanted right now, it would still be a beautiful thing. After DD was born, got in a routine, DSp and I bought a house together, and we settled into our lives, we both started to feel the loss of "what could have been." We were in mourning and it really got both of us down. We would always say, 'but we wouldn't change a thing because our daughter is so beautiful and smart and wonderful,' but the mourning was still there because we could be out there living out the dreams we have, but we can't because we have to everything lined out, not able to take any risks, like moving across the country to California where we want to ended up living and raising our kids. Also, we wonder what it would have been like for it to have been just us for a while -we only had 6 months of being together and most of it was all about planning for DD.
While your friend is in a little bit of different situation, she and her fiance are mourning the loss of their plans they had for lives. It's a rough and depressing thing, with a lot of guilty feelings to go along with it; you know you have this wonderful thing, but part of you still feels sad.
My point is, while yes, it is natural to not feel as supportive as you would be, your friend is going to need you. Her fiance is mourning too and won't be able to help her through it, like DSp was able to do for me. A mother-baby connection is important in the development of a newborn baby. If she doesn't feel that, it will just get more disastrous. So, do what you can to support her and try to get her to come around to how wonderful it will be, but don't feel guilty for not being able to support her like you would have wanted to.
Mrs: Yum to roasted squash, no bake cookies and grapefruit. At least you are craving good food
Hopeful: I'm doing fairly well, thanks for asking
nos: I have done the vaginal progesterone suppositories for 2 cycles (got pregnant on both cycles but I don't think that actually means anything about the product lol). It's not pleasant because you have to wear a liner or pad every day but other than that it's not bad. I was on 400mg a day - 2 in the morning and 2 in the evening. I thought I had tons of pregnancy type symptoms the first cycle because of it early on but then I didn't have them the second time so I don't think it caused any false symptoms for me. Nothing huge anyway. I've heard taking it orally can cause more adverse symptoms. My RE gave me the prescription with the caveat that the studies are really weak on the use (other than for IVF patients) but that it can't hurt to try. Good luck to you and I hope DP's AF stays away.
Cananny: Looking forward to good news from you Wednesday! Btw, how is your DP liking being on the other side of the coin now?
rs: Test! Test! Test! My temp usually drops the day of AF.
lise: *sigh* I'm sorry. It is very sad and I wish you didn't have to go through this.
Afm: I'm hangin' in. It looks like things went quickly and appears to be tapering off already. Much like my normal AF. I want to temp this cycle just to see if I actually O before next AF. I can't seem to find my BBT though...DD was playing with it and it has disappeared into the abyss that is our home. I may have to buy a new one if it doesn't turn up. Oh, I ordered more CBFM sticks, opks, preg tests and preseed online. I think that means I'm ok with trying again....
She has a hard time because im quite emotional
and grumpy with the many meds I take each month....sigh...but she's been great and supportive...we just hope for a bfp soon....
rs - oh no! :(
carmen -- no-bake cookies are healthy, right? they are practically health food. you have a whole grain, lots of fiber, a great protein source and .... they can be vegan? and they are probably gluten-free? definitely healthy.
nosreves - no-bake cookies are these chocolate peanut buttery dollops of magic. do they have peanut butter in paris? my expat friends in london report that peanut butter is "an american thing" and say they cant get any good PB, but I hope that the rest of europe doesn't feel that way. Here's my favorite no-bake cookie recipe. http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/cooking-live/chocolate-peanut-butter-no-bake-cookies-recipe/index.html
Lise: I'm so sorry this is happening and wish you lots and lots of peace and comfort. I hope that you and DP are able to take the next few days to do whatever you need to do (ie intermittent sleeping and lounging on the couch watching tv with kleenex in hand if needed) I thinking of you.
RS: sorry to hear about .
Amt: Awe good luck in the tww. fx for you. We insemmed last week with our donor....hopefully he is both are answers to becoming mommies. so excited.
I would like to announce that March thread is up and ready. Please join me http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1346557/queer-conceptions-march-2012#post_16895136
About the everyone-around-us-is-pregant coping strategy... mine is perhaps not the most effective, but I just totally shut down for some people, especially the ones that are SO INCREDIBLY INSENSITIVE about it. One of my "friends" got pregnant "by accident" (considering we had had a discussion a month before about how badly we both wanted a baby, I don't think that it was a true accident in the sense of the word). Her daughter is here and a healthy lovely child, but she's all upset that she can't start trying for #2 until her daughter is 18 months (per her MD, bad birth, long story). She was whining to me and I totally blew up at her. She backed down once she realized how upset her words had made me. She's since tried to smooth things over and invited me to come and hang out and whatever, but I just can't. DW's BFF just had a baby last Wednesday, also an accident (but very wanted, just not expected so soon!). I don't feel quite so bitter about this one, I think because I've had 9 months to process it. It was hard for DW though, even thought she adores the new baby (and he SMILED in his sleep while she was holding him, we know it was gas, but it was the cutest damn thing you've ever seen, so I think that helped a lot).
It's super hard. I try not to be bitter, but sometimes I just have to speak up and say that this isn't something I can talk about. Since we're open about trying, EVERYONE knows. I just keep reminding myself that our kids will always know how badly we wanted them, and how loved they were before they were ever conceived, and how hard we had to work to get them. I was a kid whose parents had to work hard to have me, and I grew up with that knowledge, and it made a HUGE impact on my self-esteem! My fellow queers, we are practicing conscious conception, we love our children when they are still spirits, we acknowledge and welcome them into our hearts long before there's ever a double line! Our children will never question their value in the world because they will know how badly they were wanted and how deeply and truly and unconditionally they are loved!
This is an amazing gift that most children don't have.
But yah, that's how I cope.
Enough sap. ;)
DW and I start trying to make this spirit baby take on a human form on Saturday... C'moonnnn, 9th round's the charm, right????