Is this normal? 3.5 yr old holds in her poop

[Halfasianmomma]

Let me preface this by saying that my DD is very stubborn. She does things in her own time and I've tried to respect that OR ELSE!

With regards to potty training, the pee part was relatively easy. She goes by herself now, without being prompted. There are few pee accidents anymore, unless of course she is playing intensely and forgets to go to the bathroom. Also, she remains dry during her naptime...

The poop is a whole other issue. She just REFUSES to go on the potty or the toilet. She says she is afraid. Since we have conquered pee, and since she remains dry at naptime, she doesn't wear pull-ups during the daytime. At first, she would poop in her underwear, but I think seeing my reaction stopped that. We talked a lot about running to the bathroom if she feels the need to poop. We did a lot of practice bathroom trips. I took her in the bathroom with me when I went. All that happened was that she stopped pooping during the day altogether and started pooping at night, when she was in pull-ups.

Since we still cosleep, it's rather...stinky when I come in the room to go to sleep and she's gone in her pull-ups, either in her sleep or very close to it. Sometimes I don't notice until the middle of the night and then waking her up to change her is a real PITA.

This week-end, I ran out of pull-ups and decided to give the whole "no pull-ups" thing a try. I put down something on her big girl bed and on mine, brought out the plastic-y training underwear, an achievement chart and even a "surprise bag" from which she gets to choose a surprise if she poops in the potty.

All that did was make her hold in her poop for 2 days til she was literally crying while holding her belly. I've tried giving her more laxative foods because I thought she was constipated...

I really don't know what to do now. I wonder if taking away the pull-ups altogether isn't going to make her become neurotic about pooping. And of course, she's not fully dry at night yet so she also woke up soaked.

ARG!

[Neera]

I've been there. My first question is of course, is she constipated? If not, is her poop firm and needs her to make an effort to push it out. Either of those two will scare her. There are several posts on poop holding. I suggest you go through them. Dd is v. close to 5 and only since the last 2 months never had a single accident. I've been through it all - all kinds of emotions and all kinds of remedies. If you are having constipation issues I'd be happy to tell you what worked for us.

[MountainMamaGC]

We are still there and have been for over 2 years now. It stemmed from a painful constipation episode and now its her point of control as she has gotten older. I have to treat her with milk of magnesia daily to ensure her poop is soft and normal sized.

Make sure she drinks enough fluids with the fibrous foods or the fiber will make the constipation worse. If it becomes a habit, talk to your doctor.

[Halfasianmomma]

Well, after suggesting to DD that she try to poop while standing in the tub with the shower head massaging her hard belly, she managed to poop. It looked well formed and normal, but there was a lot of it, I assume from holding it in for a few days. One thing I noticed is that she waited for me to leave the bathroom to do it...when I asked her if she preferred being alone to poop, she said yes. Seeing as at the daycare, all the stalls are open, I am starting to understand why she won't go there. So, things aren't perfect but at least she's feeling better. I'm going to suggest to DD that she try the same poop strategy--standing while in the tub, leaning over to hold the wall, but that we'll try placing the potty under her.

In the meantime, I'll work on changing certain things in her diet...