Do you leave your kids in the car? - Page 6

[lillymonster]

Funny this post came up...law in our state is the car (or baby?) needs to be in view. Of course the law is vague...anyway, after months of taking my older child to preschool, running in and out to drop her off (4 max minutes total each time - usually only 2 minutes, that is how close the car is to the door, and she is already lined up with her coat on every day as their routine) and waking my 1 year old up and then not having her nap the rest of the day, I decided to leave her in the car while she was sleeping, I take her in the preschool if she is awake, although a total PITA because once she is out of the carseat she pitches a fit if she has to get back in. If this was in a strip mall, or shopping center or any place public, a library, etc, I would not have done it, but the distance from the open door (and even closed it has large windows) is shorter than my driveway. I leave the windows down partially so I could hear her cry, I can see her the whole time. By the way the preschool is on a side road, in a small church/cemetary lot with a horse farm next to it, there are no houses even close by and the only people in the parking lot are those dropping the kids off at school and the church ladies who work there during the day. I don't ever even leave her in the car in my driveway (which is pretty long...but still I don't do it)

Anyway...one of the other mothers is a police officer. She cornered me, while I was holding onto my 4 year old and told me that all the mothers had been telling her about my toddler being in the car and that if she saw me do it again she would arrest me and put me in jail. No nice wording, no "hey I wasn't sure if you aware of the law" or "I am concerned" . I tried to explain to her that my daughter was in view and she said  "well you know it's wrong and you continue to do it, so I will arrest you" On a side note, she has no jurisdiction in this county, which I guess doesn't matter to her.  Not only did she freak out my daughter who says every time I make a mistake "are you going to go to jail mommy?" but she also made me feel horrible as a mother, her tone was how could you, you know it's wrong. Plus apparently other mothers agreed and were talking to her about it (hmm, if it was so dangerous why didn't one of those mothers come to me first instead of talking about me behind my back and doing nothing? or at least offer to walk my child in the preschool or offer to keep an eye on the toddler and not sit around and gossip about how horrible I am)

So long story short...nope now I never leave my child in the car. In fact, I now have a babysitter come 3 days a week to watch my toddler just so I don't have to deal with this woman or anyone thinking I am neglecting my child or putting her in a dangerous situation. I am more likely to have my car jacked in the city (which I go often) while I am in it then break into my locked car in the middle of nowhere. But anyway I don't do it anymore, I can't risk someone thinking I am neglecting my child. Now even when my nearly 5 year old doesn't want to wear a coat, I make her wear it because I am afraid someone is going to call CPS on me for neglect.

[mt_gooseberry]

I am in rural small-town Montana, so I do leave my kids in the car quite frequently in certain situations (less than 5 min, good visibility, temps, etc).  I wouldn't if I was in a big city.  Maybe that sounds naive, but there you have it.  The "feel" of a place makes all the difference to me.

I remember my parents (esp. my dad) used to leave us in the car for what seemed like forever, but it was probably for no more than like 20 min.  That was a different time, though, and lots of people didn't even use carseats when I was little. 

[anexia]

As a mother of twin toddlers I can not always carry both babies and help my preschooler safely into preschool.  All my babies are safer in their car seats for the 2 minutes or less it takes me to see my boy safely into school.  Especially this time of year when its often well below freezing outside and very icy.  And I am one of several people at his school who leave thier babies in the car during drop-off and pick-up.

I live in a small town where I know most of the people I see on a daily basis.  I have a few select places where I leave my kids in the car,  for a few minutes or less, where I can see them, weather permiting and when they are content.

I beleive we all pretend we dont do this but life is about what works for you.  Children should never be left in the car while you shop but there are places and situations when this is really not a problem. 

Anyone who wants to judge me can try lifting 2 babies out of carseats. Helping a preschooler out of the car. Carrying nearly 50 lbs of baby and safely navigating a busy, icy drop of parking circle. NO big deal? Now do it 4 times in a day.

A little less judgement from eachother would be nice. 

[thefragile7393]

Depends on the circumstances.

[kythe]

I once left my 6 year old sleeping in the car for a few minutes while I took my older child into a convenience store.  Someone called the police and I was actually arrested.  I wasn't taken to jail, they called it a "field arrest".  I fought it and the case was dismissed, so it is no longer on my record.  But I paid almost $2000 for a lawyer on this case.  I've never left a child in a car again for any reason.

I'm in Arizona, and apparantly there is a state law that children cannot be left unattended in cars under age 15.  Basically, if they can't drive the car, they can't be alone in it.  Ironically, there are no laws specifying an age to be left home alone, though the "recommended age" to be unattended in a house is only 12.

[LynnS6]

I suspect if you looked through this thread, parents of kids under 5 are going to be much more likely to say "never" than the parents of kids who are above 8 or so. At some point in time the option of leaving a cranky 9 year old in a locked car with a good book starts to look more appealing than dragging the cranky 9 year old into the drug store to pick up a prescription!

I guess my point is: Be careful about absolutes in your parenting. If I've learned anything in my short 10 1/2 years of parenting is that I have to be flexible and adapt to my children's changing needs.

[3xMama]

Originally Posted by kythe 

I once left my 6 year old sleeping in the car for a few minutes while I took my older child into a convenience store.  Someone called the police and I was actually arrested.  I wasn't taken to jail, they called it a "field arrest".  I fought it and the case was dismissed, so it is no longer on my record.  But I paid almost $2000 for a lawyer on this case.  I've never left a child in a car again for any reason.

I'm in Arizona, and apparantly there is a state law that children cannot be left unattended in cars under age 15.  Basically, if they can't drive the car, they can't be alone in it.  Ironically, there are no laws specifying an age to be left home alone, though the "recommended age" to be unattended in a house is only 12.

Just wondering if this has to do with how hot it can get in most of Arizona? Perhaps the law was made to keep parents from leaving children in the car to prevent deaths. Just a thought.

[phyleon]

Wow. I cannot believe that anyone would leave their precious child in the car "just for a second." It only takes "just a second" for someone to break into a car. Even if you can see the car from where you are, how fast can you run to it when someone is breaking in? 

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

I guess my point is: Be careful about absolutes in your parenting. If I've learned anything in my short 10 1/2 years of parenting is that I have to be flexible and adapt to my children's changing needs.

This is ALWAYS true!! Parenting changes so fast depending on so many factors.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by 3xMama 

Just wondering if this has to do with how hot it can get in most of Arizona? Perhaps the law was made to keep parents from leaving children in the car to prevent deaths. Just a thought.

That doesn't make a lot of sense if you're talking about a 14 year old, though. I mean...at 14, a kid is going to know to open windows or doors or whatever, and be able to do so. Since ds1 was about 14, I've left my younger kids in the car without hesitation if he was with us. (Admittedly, we don't have the heat issues here, except for a very brief period in the summer when a car can overheat pretty quickly, but my oldest was more than able to watch his siblings for a bit.)

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by AbbyGrant 

There are risks everywhere.  Removing my children from the car every time I get out doesn't remove all risk. I think being strapped in their car seats in a parked car with the windows cracked and no keys is safer at times than getting out.  And I just can't get all worked up about the infinitesimal that they might be abducted from my parked car considering that I just had them in a moving vehicle which is the single greatest risk they face.  

This. One of the issues that gets debated a lot is about returning grocery store carts to the corral. I generally leave my kids in the car while I do this. Some people feel that's irresponsible. But, while I concede there's a faint possibility of something happening to them in the 30-45 seconds that I'm gone, I feel the odds are considerably higher that something could happen to them in a parking lot, with people backing up, driving too fast, etc. Parking lots are freaking dangerous, especially for people who are too short to be seen in a rearview mirror. I have three young children, and trying to make sure they stay put, whlie also returning my cart, exposes them to more risk (although still not a lot) than leaving them in the car for a minute or less. People get hyper focused on the dangers of kids being in cars, and forget the dangers of kids being around cars. Admittedly, I'm a bit overlly focused on that, myself. I have next to no fear of abduction, carjacking (well, those don't really happen around here - not ever, as far as I know), etc., but walking near busy streets, crossing parking lots, etc. definitely triggers my parental anxiety.

[Honey693]

Originally Posted by phyleon 

Wow. I cannot believe that anyone would leave their precious child in the car "just for a second." It only takes "just a second" for someone to break into a car. Even if you can see the car from where you are, how fast can you run to it when someone is breaking in? 

It takes just a second for that drunk driver to hit you when you're driving your kid home from ballet at 8pm too, but no one is saying don't ever drive with your kids in the car.  Why can't we just take the risks we feel comfortable with as parents instead of juding others who take risks we don't?  This thread is filled with so much OMG I would never do that, what are you awful parents thinking???? instead of nope I just choose not to do it for reasons x, y, z or I do it for reasons x, yz.  Why do we have to add this to the stupid list of shit mom's judge each other about?  This mommy war crap on here is getting ridiculous.

Edited by Honey693 - 2/21/12 at 3:44pm

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by phyleon 

Wow. I cannot believe that anyone would leave their precious child in the car "just for a second." It only takes "just a second" for someone to break into a car. Even if you can see the car from where you are, how fast can you run to it when someone is breaking in? 

Car thieves do not want your children. That takes a theft charge to a "life in prison for kidnapping charge", im pretty sure the car with two or three kids in the backseat is NOT the target for the thief. And if someone wants to KIDNAP your child, taking a child from a locked car in a crowded gas station parking lot when the mom is sure to come back in minutes (if not seconds), where there is likely to be cameras filming the car....not exactly the ideal kidnapping situation. It amazes me what people come up with to justify judging other moms.

Or...maybe we just dont love our precious children as much as you do yours.

[3xMama]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride 

That doesn't make a lot of sense if you're talking about a 14 year old, though. I mean...at 14, a kid is going to know to open windows or doors or whatever, and be able to do so. Since ds1 was about 14, I've left my younger kids in the car without hesitation if he was with us. (Admittedly, we don't have the heat issues here, except for a very brief period in the summer when a car can overheat pretty quickly, but my oldest was more than able to watch his siblings for a bit.)

True. My thought is that it may just be a blanket law. Its easier to say everyone who is not old enough to drive cannot stay alone in a car as opposed to worrying about which preteens are responsible enough and which would panic or even go for a joyride. Its easier just to ban everyone than to make exceptions. Does that make sense?

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by anexia 

As a mother of twin toddlers I can not always carry both babies and help my preschooler safely into preschool.  All my babies are safer in their car seats for the 2 minutes or less it takes me to see my boy safely into school.  Especially this time of year when its often well below freezing outside and very icy.  And I am one of several people at his school who leave thier babies in the car during drop-off and pick-up.

I live in a small town where I know most of the people I see on a daily basis. 

My kids go to Head Start preschool and one of the things they stressed during orientation was that if anyone left children in their cars during drop off they CAN and WILL call police and make a neglect charge on the parents.   They were so adament about it that i'm even afraid to leave my nearly-ten-yr old dd in the car when i run in to get the boys.

I totally get you about the twin toddler thing. When people say they unstrap their kids to take them into, say, the gas station even if they can see the car from the store and even if they are only going to be in there a minute...its hard for me to imagine. To take so much time, navigate a busy parking lot, deal with the kids begging for stuff in the store, then back across the parking lot, load everyone in...when i could just run in there and pay (well, usually i pay at the pump) in less than a minute, makes no sense to me at all.

I used to have to make a four hour roundtrip drive every few months to meet my oldest's father to exchange him for visits, and often during that drive i'd have to pee, but the boys would be asleep in the back. When i have to pee, i have to go *now*...if i had to wake up sleeping kids to drag them into a dirty restroom all while i had to pee, i'd pee my pants (sorry, TMI!) So i found that there are Speedways at regular intervals on the freeway, and their bathrooms are always right by the door. I can lock my car, run in, pee, and be back in my car in about a minute.

I think sometimes as parents you gotta do what you gotta do.

[sk8boarder15]

It depends, I have left, my young son alone in the car a few times when he is sleeping. The main thing for me is people do not snatch kids out of cars, its is exceedingly rare. What is actually going to happen? Some saftey freak calling the cops on me is my biggest concern. If its decent out and my kids is asleep, he's fine in his seat while I run in chipoltle to grab a burrito, or run in the vet to pick up the cat food. We are both happier, and no harm will come of it. 

[trekkingirl]

hmmmm?

[thegoodearth]

Originally Posted by lillymonster 

Funny this post came up...law in our state is the car (or baby?) needs to be in view. Of course the law is vague...anyway, after months of taking my older child to preschool, running in and out to drop her off (4 max minutes total each time - usually only 2 minutes, that is how close the car is to the door, and she is already lined up with her coat on every day as their routine) and waking my 1 year old up and then not having her nap the rest of the day, I decided to leave her in the car while she was sleeping, I take her in the preschool if she is awake, although a total PITA because once she is out of the carseat she pitches a fit if she has to get back in. If this was in a strip mall, or shopping center or any place public, a library, etc, I would not have done it, but the distance from the open door (and even closed it has large windows) is shorter than my driveway. I leave the windows down partially so I could hear her cry, I can see her the whole time. By the way the preschool is on a side road, in a small church/cemetary lot with a horse farm next to it, there are no houses even close by and the only people in the parking lot are those dropping the kids off at school and the church ladies who work there during the day. I don't ever even leave her in the car in my driveway (which is pretty long...but still I don't do it)

Anyway...one of the other mothers is a police officer. She cornered me, while I was holding onto my 4 year old and told me that all the mothers had been telling her about my toddler being in the car and that if she saw me do it again she would arrest me and put me in jail. No nice wording, no "hey I wasn't sure if you aware of the law" or "I am concerned" . I tried to explain to her that my daughter was in view and she said  "well you know it's wrong and you continue to do it, so I will arrest you" On a side note, she has no jurisdiction in this county, which I guess doesn't matter to her.  Not only did she freak out my daughter who says every time I make a mistake "are you going to go to jail mommy?" but she also made me feel horrible as a mother, her tone was how could you, you know it's wrong. Plus apparently other mothers agreed and were talking to her about it (hmm, if it was so dangerous why didn't one of those mothers come to me first instead of talking about me behind my back and doing nothing? or at least offer to walk my child in the preschool or offer to keep an eye on the toddler and not sit around and gossip about how horrible I am)

So long story short...nope now I never leave my child in the car. In fact, I now have a babysitter come 3 days a week to watch my toddler just so I don't have to deal with this woman or anyone thinking I am neglecting my child or putting her in a dangerous situation. I am more likely to have my car jacked in the city (which I go often) while I am in it then break into my locked car in the middle of nowhere. But anyway I don't do it anymore, I can't risk someone thinking I am neglecting my child. Now even when my nearly 5 year old doesn't want to wear a coat, I make her wear it because I am afraid someone is going to call CPS on me for neglect.

Wow! That's a horrible story. I'm sorry you had that experience. 

[peaceful_mama]

I have.  I'll hand my oldest one my phone to play with and run in somewhere.  I always take the keys.  I do it to pay for gas too.

[earthgirl]

Yep. But not as much as I would if I weren't afraid of strangers freaking out and calling the cops on me. Honestly, I'm more afraid of that happening than I am of some unspeakable tragedy happening while I spend 30 seconds returning library books, or what have you.