Refusing to use utensils....help!

[lenny1027]

My daughter is 25 months old. She knows how to use her fork and spoon (which are toddler-sized), and in fact she has been able to use them for a very long time now. She also uses them well when she uses them. (She can also drink from a small, unlidded glass very well). My concern is that I find myself at mealtimes constantly reminding her to use them (sometimes not so nicely, to be honest, after I have reminded her for the 800th time). She does use them sometimes, and for certain foods always (cereal, applesauce, mashed potatoes, that sort of thing), but for other things she won't use them without me harping on her (like sticky rice, pieces of chicken, that sort of thing). I really hate hearing myself remind her all the time, and I want to let it go and just let her do her thing, but I'm worried (a) that if I allow her to eat with her hands, I am sending the message that it's acceptable behavior, (b) that she will grow up to have terrible table manners, and (c) the she is somehow "delayed" because of this refusal.

Thoughts?? What can I do??

(I'm new at this...can you tell?)

[Verloren]

My DS is the same but he is 33 months! I don't bother reminding him. It would only make him less likely to use them . I'm not too worried about it. We can't force them. I'm sure he'll use utensils eventually and it's not like I'm taking him to 5 star restaurants. My expectations are pretty low though. I'm happy if he doesn't throw any food on the floor.

[crunchy_mommy]

I wouldn't worry about it... my DS was using utensils regularly very early but most of his friends still often use their hands from 2-3yo. TBH I think my DS's aversion to being dirty and touching sticky stuff was what motivated him to use utensils.

The only suggestion I do have is to get her small-sized metal utensils if she's currently using plastic ones. IKEA sells them or you can just use cocktail forks & spoons & spreaders, they are the perfect size & that's what DS has always used. The plastic ones are much harder to work with in my experience, so even if she's able to do it, she might find it too frustrating & time-consuming.

If she's already using metal ones, ignore that. And maybe just ignore the whole issue and let her eat however she wants? Just make the utensils available to her at her place setting but don't discuss it or make an issue out of her using them. Or, does she like the feeling of food in her fingers? You might try having lots of sensory play during the day (playdough, goop, bin filled with dry rice or beans, shaving cream, etc.) so she's less likely to need to use her hands with her food? Just an idea.

[colsxjack]

I dont worry about it.

Our 2.5yr old DD eats 90% or more of food with her hands. She just started eating a bit of chicken and stuff with her fork.

Although, like your child, she can do it and will do it with cereal, yogurt, mash etc.

We don't worry about it and think that there is plenty of time for her to learn to eat in a "civilized" manner.

[MamaInTheDesert]

I wouldn't stress about it too much. I always provided DD with utensils, and it wasn't until right before she turned 3 that she really started to use them consistently for every meal. There were times I did push a little to "try" to eat with her fork/knife/spoon. Those were either hit or miss. Now she's barely 4 and is obsessed about trying to eat EVERYTHING with chopsticks... that she doesn't know how to use yet. Haha. I thought I was done cleaning food up off the floor at 1.5!

[lenny1027]

Thanks, Mamas! I feel a lot better just knowing that she is typical. I've totally let up on it the past couple days, and mealtimes have been great. *sigh of relief* I know she will get there eventually, I just have to let her go at her own pace.

[brneyedmama]

I just thought I'd chime in on a note of understanding.  I recently posted about my food issues with 16 month old DD, which are that DD simply doesn't eat.  It's not that she's picky, it's that she has no interest in food and no amount of short order cooking, consoling, forcing, trying different chairs/utensils, etc could change it.  I've been so beside myself that my daughter will never learn to eat "mindfully" or be able to sit down at the table like a "civilized" person to eat her meals.  Whenever we go out to playgroups where there are snacks, or restaurants I notice all of the other kids that are her age and they all seem to be sitting so nicely enjoying their food -why can't mine do that?

Then I decided to CHILL.  I totally ignored the entire issue.  I started making ONE meal and if she ate it, great, if she didn't she'd have her third or fourth bottle for the day.  I started sitting down myself for each meal and enjoying at least my own food even though she wasn't enjoying hers.  And ya know what? it worked!  When you stop trying to force it, they just figure it out.  This week she has eaten more types of food and more in quantity than I have EVER seen her eat.  She's actually asking for food now, and as long as I can grit my teeth and bear the spilled cheerios on the living room carpet or the spaghetti sauce all over the dog (for real) she's actually eating and enjoying her food. I couldn't be more shocked, and I have no doubt that by the time she's an older kid and it really matters, she'll be able to sit at the table and use her fork properly.  this too, shall pass.