Chat Thread February 1 - ?? - Page 7 « Back to Group Discussions

[lifeguard]

Valentine's day - gosh, I'm terrible for remembering & doing something for these things. Something I need to work on.

I had my first ever bfing run in today. I brought ds & dd swimming with my mom. Dd was getting fussy so I sat on the edge of the baby pool & nursed her (I even put a small towel over my breast so that not so much flesh was exposed!). The lifeguard watched me but didn't say/do anything until I finished & got back into the pool & then she told me that I needed to go to the eating area to do that (at least she didn't specify the bathroom!) to which I simply replied "no, anywhere I can legally be I can legally bf". She wasn't pleased with me & then told on me to the male lifeguard that was coming over. He shouts across the pool to me (which was totally unnecessary as it was just the small baby pool & it was not busy) "maam, I need to speak to you". I simply replied "No thank you, I am doing nothing wrong" (remember at this point we were well done with the bfing). He stared banging his whistle on a post & shouting "Get Chris!!!". At this point my Mom looks at me & remarks at how totally worked up they are getting about this. The manager came out of the office so I got out of the pool & approached her myself & simply said "they are not happy because I breastfed my baby". The male lifeguard was just beside himself. Turns out even the manager wasn't completely sure of their "policy". She initially said I needed to be 6' from the water but after actually going & checking on it she came back & talked to me & clarified that in fact they just asked that no one bf in the water (so in fact what I had done was not an issue). Guess there will be some notices going around to the staff now making sure they know what they are doing - goofs.

The manager was actually very professional & good to speak to but the lifeguards were totally out of line, not only with trying to enforce the wrong policy but also in how they spoke to me. I hate, hate, hate conflict & have felt awful ever since. I keep replaying whether I did the right thing or not but there were 2 other mothers with young babies & felt I needed to make a point for all of us. Sigh. I still feel shaky about it all. I am thinking about sending a follow up e-mail to the manager thanking her for her professionalism but complaining about the way in which the lifeguards approached things. Thoughts?

In other bfing news: dh defrosted some bm the other night but then I got home & dd never drank it & we put it in the fridge. Tonight I decided I would give it to her just so it wouldn't go to waste but she wasn't interested & just chewed on the nipple so I put it on the table. Ds picked it up & asked if he could drink it & I said yes, & he downed it, looks at me, says it was good & asks for more!

[~pi]

lifeguard, that's so, so frustrating. Good for you for speaking up.

LaBruja, how is your mom doing now?

I am totally in awe of those of you who do special things for Valentine's Day. It was a major achievement for us to have DS1 take cards to school!

FB anonymity: I was the one who first expressed discomfort, and what I said was that I would prefer that real names are known to the group. That doesn't mean people have to register or create a profile under their real name, just that it would be appreciated if they shared it within the (totally private) group, since most people have real names for their profiles. It just puts everyone on the same level of disclosure. That being said, there are also situations where people might have reason not to share their name online at all, and that's understandable and OK, IMHO, and I said that there. I'm happy to discuss this issue (here or there.) I had a negative experience in the past where someone took information about me I had shared in a group like this, and used it in a way that affected me professionally. It really sucked. So I just feel differently about being open to all comers in an environment like this (where I strongly argued for being open and supportive during our pregnancies) than I do in a FB group. The potential ramifications are different. To me, part of being supportive of each other means supporting those of us with those kinds of needs, too, but if the group feels otherwise, I would accept that, leave the FB group and just hang out here. (If you can imagine me speaking, this is said very calmly and matter-of-factly. I'm not trying to be a drama queen, just explaining my POV and situation.)

grocery shopping: DH does most of our shopping, and used to almost always take DS1 with him. Since DS2 was born, he has been much more keen on going alone. I admit that it is faster, but I kind of miss how grocery shopping used to mean I got time alone in the house!

[cbeclipse]

Nicole- I'm not totally sure what makes her think that Landon has sensory issues. Maybe the fact that he prefers to be laying on the floor a lot of the day, doesn't do too well around lots of people or new people, doesn't love to be held, and is just so darn particular about things. But, who's to say that all of that isn't just because he is a 15 week old baby? As for his waking up screaming......he takes all of his naps in his carseat. So, I'm not sure why he would wake up screaming. It's a comfy and cozy place to sleep. Hopefully I can figure out something to get him to stop screaming when he wakes up. Poor guy.

Lifeguard- Good for you for standing your ground. I think you did a great job!

[theboysmama]

chelsea- a few ideas. when he wakes up is the car seat covered or uncovered? try the opposite and see how that works. Is he hot or cold? does he wake up on his own or is he startled awake (by another child, loud noises, moving the car seat around, etc)? does he sleep in the car seat at night as well? figuring out a way to have him nap where he isn't disturbed by noises or movement (if that is possible) might help solve the problem. is he over tired? does he spit up a lot? maybe it is reflux? Maybe he needs to be or is uncomfortably wet.

ok answering those questions might help you to get some answers. babies are all different but waking up unconsolably crying is not normal in my experience and I would try to look to see if there is a possible cause. I hope it passes soon and/or you figure things out.

pi- I thought you expressed it well in the group and i understand. I had always assumed people would just share there real names once in the group but I haven't had an issue like you describe so could be fine either way. That sounds horrible though.

lifeguard- it is correct that most pools have the policy that you can't nurse in the pool but on the edge is fine. cracks me up because I could leak into the pool regardless if I am nursing so it doesn't make since. I think you did the right thing and you got it resolved. Now they know the policy and seems they plan on doing something about making sure the employees are informed. Makes you feel ick though.

[RosemaryS-F]

Chelsea, does it bother you that your friend said that? Boy, that would throw me for a major loop unless I'd asked. I hope you're not too worried.

Lifeguard, I would be quivering with rage! Will you be making a formal complaint? You did very well.

FB: Some of the pictures that have been posted on our site, births, etc., make me feel more strongly about knowing who is joining. But I still will not post anything there that I wouldn't post here, so I am not going to stop participating in our group or anything.

pi, any time lost that is just "me" time is hard.

I hope that today is better. It's my dh's birthday. I got him some presents he's going to love! Actually, last night he opened one: 36 beers for 36 years: two 18 packs of Guinness, his favorite. That ought to last him quite a pleasant while! I also got him a vintage brown Levi's corduroy suit. He's been wanting a brown corduroy suit FOREVER and you wouldn't believe how tough it is to find one, especially a vintage one, in his size. Then two books of poetry. DS got him camo pajama pants, because he is endlessly perplexed as to why papa doesn't have any pjs. Is it a thing that men don't wear pjs? I don't know any man who wears them. Um, not from my personal experience, just from asking, lol.

Edited by RosemaryS-F - 2/15/12 at 8:08am

[cbeclipse]

Nicole- We had a much better wake-up from nap today. He was starting to cry, so I went over to him and sat in the rocker and read him some books. This was the first time I've ever really read to him (bad mama) and he seemed to like it. He just sat there and looked at the book. I'm going to try to do that more often, maybe it will work! lol To answer your questions......the carseat is uncovered when he wakes up. When we are home I put his carseat in the bedroom and when I'm at work I try to put it in one of the kids rooms while he sleeps. But, sometimes we are out and about or driving in the car when he wakes up. That's tough. He could maybe sometimes be hot when he wakes up, but not all the time. He sleeps all night in his crib, but fights me when it comes to sleeping there during the day. He doesn't spit up too much. Sometimes a little, but nothing crazy. He is kind of a high maintenance baby, and i feel bad that sometimes when I'm at work I can't be there 100% for him. Sometimes he has to wait and/or cry for a few minutes if I need to do something for the older kids. He is sleeping again, I'll let you know how he wakes up from this nap.

Rosemary- Yes, it did bother me that she came right out and said that. I didn't ask her. I haven't said anything to my dp about it, because he will worry himself to death about it. lol

AFM- I don't think I ever said this, but Landon was born with chordee, it's a malformation of his penis. Poor guy. He will have to have surgery on it in a few months. He can pee totally normally, but his penis is basically crooked. I just made the urologist appointment for him, next month. I hate the thought of him having to have surgery at such a young age. Sad mama : (

Pj's for men- Yes, for some reason a lot of men don't like to wear pj's. Weird. Dp just sleeps in his undies. But, I did just get him some pj pants for Valentine's day. Who knows if he will wear them though.

[StephandOwen]

Hello ladies! Following along but not finding much time to post. Things have been iffy around here and filled with drama. When it gets like this I just like to go into my little hiding spot and not talk to anyone.

DH is still on his trip. We've been having some issues between us lately and... well.... I won't go into details here but it all just sucks. I feel trapped and moody all the time.

My MIL is seriously going to drive me to the edge. I'm not talking to her but she won't accept that. She calls every day (I never answer). She sends emails (never answer). Leaves messages on my phone (never answer). Leaves messages on facebook (never answer). She. Will. Not. Stop. So then she left a message on my phone yesterday that started with "I know you aren't going to answer your phone for me.....". If you KNOW I'm not going to answer my phone- why the heck are you calling me??? And then she calls again this morning. I was *very* nice and let them come over last night to see the kids. I really didn't want to, but for dh's sake I played nice. But that wasn't good enough for her. Nope, not at all. Because I did something nice she suddenly thinks that I'm all happy with her and whatever. I'm not. I don't like the woman, I don't want anything to do with her. I will continue to ignore her calls/communication until dh gets back home in 9 days then he can deal with her.

Kai is reacting to something I'm eating. He gets a crazy rash and has mucous in his poop We think it might be chocolate so I took that out of my diet 4 days ago. It's starting to clear up the rash so we'll keep it up for a couple weeks and see what happens. He went to the dr today for his 4 month check-up and he's doing great! Growing well (over 14lb right now) and doing great. Other than the allergy stuff there's no concerns. His doctor recommended we not start solids until 6 months so that we can figure out what he's reacting to and let his skin clear up before we try to introduce anything else. That's fine with me, I'm in no hurry

Question for those who did not circ their boys.... in all I've read it's said that you just leave the penis alone. Wash with soap and water in the bath (outside of the penis only) and never do anything more than that. So that's all we've been doing. The doctor today said that we should be pulling back the foreskin "until you meet resistance" and cleaning. He did just that, exposing the head. It didn't bother Kai at all for him to do that, so I know he didn't hurt him, but I'm wondering what we're supposed to be doing? The doctor is telling us one thing (and I really like this doctor and trust him with everything else so far) but everything I'm reading is telling me something else. My older did was circ'd so this is uncharted territory for me!

[StephandOwen]

Chelsea- when Kai wakes up crying it's because he's still tired and needs help falling back to sleep. When he wakes up happy then it's because he's rested enough.

[AKislandgirl]

Pi~: Like I said before I'm probably too trusting. I've never experienced anything like you described. My initial reaction was "why can't they stay anonymous" but i get it now. I'm so sorry that you had such a horrible experience. Like Rosemary- I don't share anything on FB that I don't share here.

Chelsea: Glad you had a good wake up and story time went well. Maeve has grown out of it but was pretty darn fussy for the first 3 months. I didn't feel like it was a gas issue but rather just an immature nervous system. Does Landon like movement? We have a hammock that M sleeps in during the day and she loves it! I know some babies like swings... Hope things continue to improve.

Rosemary: I love it when I find just the right thing for DH! Love that you got him a corduroy suit! My DH only wears his PJ's when he gets up and is lounging about the house on weekend mornings.

Lifegaurd: I would have been livid! Nice job keeping your cool. And too funny about your DS!

Steph: I'm so sorry that things are still so rough with your MIL. She really sounds like a nightmare and to have to deal with it while your DH is gone is horrible. And I'm sorry to hear that you and DH are having a hard time too. Big hugs. Feel free to vent here if you need to.

I only have girls but I would not want the Dr to touch my sons penis! I think you are right about just washing the outside of his penis.

[LaBruja]

My mom was awake and aware yesterday for the first time in 12 days! She is still on the ventilator, but hopefully she'll be breathing on her own by tomorrow or Friday. This weekend was pretty hard...she had been doing so well, and then had a relapse on Saturday. They had to kick the oxygen back up to 100%, and ended up doing a bronchio-thingummy to see what was going on in her lungs and to try to clear her airways. That procedure seems to have been the turning point, and my sister said that by the time she left last night, my mom was fully awake and glaring daggers at her loud-and-not-too-tactful nurse, so we're taking that as a good sign :) I'm a little worried about her mental and emotional state though...she is fiercely independent and tough as nails, so it is very very hard for her to be completely helpless like this.

Lifeguard: so sorry you had a negative experience! Good for you for standing up for yourself and your babe. If it were me, I would definitely send the follow-up e-mail...not only would it be a good thing to thank the manager for her professionalism, I think it would also be good to try to make sure that she educates her lifeguards - not just about the law, but about how to treat people respectfully (regardless of whether or not you were in the right, it sounds as if the male lifeguard especially was rude and out of line). Hopefully you standing up for yourself and BFing will mean that those lifeguards won't make anyone else feel as awful as they made you feel (I know exactly what you mean about hating conflict and feeling awful and shaky afterwards...all the more brave of you to take a stand).

Steph: sorry things are so rough right now. I hope they get better soon.

Rosemary: happy birthday to your DH! Those presents are awesome:)

[beautifulmoon]

FB - I understand about being careful about your web presence. I think I'm fairly paranoid about it but after reading the nyt article a few weeks back, I think I'm not paranoid enough. I have my real name in the Who's Who doc, and my anglicized middle name as my profile's first name. 

lifeguard - It sounds like you handled things very well. Those situations are hard to handle on the fly, but your response sounds reasonable and helpful. I think a follow-up email would be good, too.

rosemary - A corduroy suit sounds fabulous!

stephanie - Sorry you're going through a rough patch. Hugs.

labruja - I hope your mom continues to improve. My dad was on life support a year and a half ago. It was scary, but he pulled through and is doing better than I could have hoped for.

afm - I love my mil, but there are some small annoyances that I'm not sure what to do about. Like, she gives us tons of clothes, most of which are not my taste at all, not to mention they're full of slogans like "grandma's little monkey" as if they're branding the baby. But I put DD in them anyway. If I don't put her in them, I feel guilty for not using them. But it's just so much, and it's so overwhelming. I've already sold, given away, returned, or donated about 5 garbage bags full of clothes (not all of them were from MIL, but to give you an idea of the volume I'm dealing with)--and that's not including the clothes that DD hasn't even grown into yet. We've somehow misplaced an entire bag of infant clothes. We have 40 bibs, and we don't even need them yet. I know it gives her pleasure to go shopping, so I haven't said anything. But it wasn't until last week that I decided to buy her some clothes myself, and I realized that it was a lot of fun to dress her in clothes that I like. I know it's a petty little gripe and I should just suck it up and be grateful, but sometimes it feels like she's taking away a pleasure that I'd like to have. I just hate to buy more clothes when I already have so much. I know that's probably part of the reason they're giving us so much, to keep us from having to.

Also, she keeps referring to DD as her baby, as in "how's my baby doing?" I know she just wants to show how much she loves DD, but . . . erg.

[RosemaryS-F]

steph--another one for the books. what a crazy person, so sorry.

la bruja, i'm so glad she's doing better.

beautifulmoon, that sounds really hard, actually, because it's an all around burden.

afm: making b-day dinner. my dh isn't a sweets guy. for his dessert he wants pecorino cheese drizzled with honey and reisling! i love that man. ds is not gonna like this.

Edited by RosemaryS-F - 2/15/12 at 6:59pm

[StephandOwen]

Beautifulmoon- i've started returning clothes and getting credit to but what I want ds to have. Just in the last month i've accrued over $100 in kohls credit.... And I have another full bag to return. At first I felt bad, but then I realized that mil doesn't even remember what she's bought ds (she's bought the same outfit twice, with more than one outfit) so the chances of her asking to see ds in any particular outfit is slim. I return toys too. I figure if I return enough to with babies r us or buy buy baby then i'll get enough credit to buy a carseat. Lol!

[livacreature]

The Buy Buy Baby store name really just cuts to the chase doesn't it?

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by livacreature 

The Buy Buy Baby store name really just cuts to the chase doesn't it?

Yes. Yes it does. Pretty sure that's one of MIL's favorite stores ever. She walks in there "to get a toy" for ds and walks out with 3 huge bags full. I return within days with 2 1/2 bags full of toys to return It's a lovely little system we've got now where she pretty much buys everything she wants to and I return probably 90% of it. I don't say a word to her about returning things, and she never asks where things are when she's visiting.

[nicolian]

My ankles: Still hurting. Booooo. I have not tried arnica cream yet, Rosemary, but I should really give it a try. Katico, tendonitis.. well. I don't know if I really have it or not. I diagnosed myself. My ankles have been very sore. Walking down stairs is very painful. And now my knees are starting to hurt from walking so strange. I'm not sure if what you're describing sound like it though, as apparently tendonitis pain is generally exaggerated where the tendon attaches to the bone.

lifeguard:  I think you handled yourself SO well. Thank you for standing up for yourself. I have never been confronted but I'm sure my heart would be pounding too.

Rosemary: you sound like an awesome wife. :) Those are some great gifts! And, no, my DH does not wear jammies. lol!

Chelsea: keep us posted on Landon's surgery. I will be thinking of him.

Steph: WOW. Your MIL is quite the peach. Yikes. :/ I'm glad to hear your DH will be home soon to deal with her. As for Kai.. I, regretfully, circ'd both of my boys but I have heard a few intactivists say to never allow anyone to retract the skin. BUMMER about the chocolate!!

Beautifulmoon: I have gotten a ton of clothes from other people and I felt ZERO guilt in immediately getting rid of anything I didn't like. I know after 3 kids that if I don't like it, I don't put the kid in it and it just ends up wasting space. It's nice to have so many things to choose what you like best out of at least. :)

Originally Posted by livacreature 

The Buy Buy Baby store name really just cuts to the chase doesn't it?

werd.

[RosemaryS-F]

Gifts: I have a neighbor who is awesome, but seriously brings me tons of hand-me-downs...from her 5 year old. Yeah, not gonna store those.

[theboysmama]

fb- I post pics there and don't put any pictures here. Even if there is an anonymous person on our fb group I least know how many anonymous people are viewing photos of me and my kids. Here it could be anyone and they could use the pics for anything. I like to think that isn't hte case in the private group.

Gifts- my mil gave us the most annonying toy she could find when ds1 was little and was so proud. My husband said mom we were very clear we didn't want obnoxous toys like that, you can return it yourself and pick something more appropriate or we would be happy to exchange it. She got her feelings all bent out of shape. It took me until my 3rd t realize she doesnt notice either so I will exchange it for a similar more appropriate item (a flashy noisy ball toy for a beautiful wood ball toy) and she thinks that is the one she gave them. She is much better now.

As far as others I used to feel bad but not any more. We don't do snaps at all so i either return it or lop off the bottom of the onesie.

steph- absolutely nothing needs done to it. You are not supposed to pull it back at this point. I would make it very clear to the dr in teh future that you don't want him touching it. It can separate it prematurely leaving room for infection.

[beautifulmoon]

It's good to know that you all don't feel guilty about returning things. Part of my problem is that the in-laws know what they gave us and expect us to use them. My SIL gave us such grief about the "My Auntie Loves Me" outfit she gave us. She asked DP about it every time they talked on the phone (this went on for months). I had already left it with MIL, and we had to make some excuse about misplacing it at MIL's house when SIL came to visit. But she still brought up the missing outfit several times during her visit.

I think I'll just keep one outfit for visits and get rid of the rest. It's just too much. I still have a garbage bag full of more clothes that I have to do something with. And there are some things in the bag that's size 2-4. And the plastic toys! MIL has taken to taking them out of the package while she's here, so there's no returning them. But I need to get a handle on gift management because all these products are going to end up dictating aspects of my parenting.

Chelsea - I hope Landon's surgery, when it happens, goes smoothly.

[theboysmama]

chelsea- how crooked is landons penis? My ds 2 has a pretty crooked penis. The dr said they come in all shapes an sizes and as long as he can still get an erection it is fine. Do you know if landon can get an erection? Surgery might not be necessary (I don't know how bad his is) you might want to get a second opinion.