I feel like a need an outlet to vent right now.....So right now DH is finishing up grad school and should be done in the next month or so. He's applying to PhD programs and jobs all over the country (and even some international ones too) that would start anytime between next month until next August. He also might not get any of them. So I'm still at my full time job earning the money for us until the next-steps come around, while he's at home with River during the day. In the perfect world, he gets an opportunity where I don't have to work full time (or at all!) out of the house.
Anyway, I know that we have a good life and everything, but I'm finding it SO difficult to live in the moment instead of dreaming about what is coming up next. Yesterday I came home from work to find that River had an especially hard day with red-face screaming fits throughout the day. Nothing is really wrong, it's just how he gets sometimes when I'm not home. DH and I were joking about how he should put on a red wig and go to my job for me, because River wants me home during the day, I want to be home during the day, and as much as DH loves DS, he would rather not be a SAHP. So we often find ourselves talking about the future and how it will be "better."
But then I was looking through some pics of River from just a couple months ago and was struck by how much he's changing, and I'll never have that newborn baby again... he's grown so much in only 5 1/2 months. I don't want to wish away his babyhood or our lives. I really want to enjoy our life as it is NOW, while still making plans for the future and hoping for a better situation. So, I'm trying to be more intentional about today.
Anyway, I just needed to vent, so thanks for listening ladies... you have all been so supportive for the last year+ !